Archibald's Archives

Confess, So We May Experience More Than We Can Imagine

2012-02-05T16:09:00.000-07:00

It wasn't too long ago, that I had to discipline one of our girls. Part of the consequence for their choice was that they had to tell their daddy what they did. What this child didn't know was I had already shared with Duane what took place, and all the details. Duane was prepared to offer grace, forgiveness and mercy. But most of all he was ready to extend his love.

But this child feared the worst, and chose to avoid telling her daddy.

I watched my daughter agonize over speaking the truth to her father. Through her agony, I saw her withdraw and her emotions turn in anguish and blame. I saw something else ... I saw a father not only ready but eager waiting to extend so much love to his daughter. As much as she fought the truth, the more her father's heart broke because he wasn't allowed to share all he had to offer.

Then it struck.

How many times do I avoid and tip toe around the truth of telling my Heavenly Father of things I need to confess? I have allowed my emotions turn against me and even others and lead me because of things I've done wrong, when all I had to say was a quick confession. How many times have I blamed others, trying to seek out an excuse for what I've done wrong? Bottom line, if I would just be quick to seek forgiveness I would experience more than I could comprehend. I would experience a love that He wants to just pour out on me. Forgiveness is already mine ... why do I forget?

I am so thankful God allowed me to see this, because now I think I am able to know His heart a little more, and will be able to step out and experience it even more on those days I just have to say "I'm sorry".

"to the praise of his glorious grace,

which he has freely given us in the One he loves.

In him we have redemption through his blood,

the forgiveness of sins,

in accordance with the riches of God's grace

that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding.

And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure,

which he purposed in Christ,"

Ephesians 1:6-9

A Mama's Hearts Prayer

2012-01-24T19:23:00.000-07:00

Oh My Savior, My Father, My Great God, My Friend and Love,

You have impressed so much on my heart these past few hours ... to get them on paper will be a challenge, but being the perfect one you are... I know you will make sense out of it all.

I have been convicted to repent to you. I have realized lies I have believed, and where the door is open for the enemy to walk in and badger me with his lies and condemnation. I see it and now I will shut it! I see what I have believed since I was little: the lie, I don't belong in the family I was born into, and then married into. Somewhere along the line, I believed that I was unwanted - no matter how much was told to me on the contrary. I believed it. That belief has manifested itself in so many areas of my life: others not wanting a relationship with me or me not being good enough. Now I see it weave its ugliness in my children. Enough is enough and I break that lie off our family. I see that I am your child, wanted and redeemed. I see how much time and love you have put into me, taking the time to grow me and see fully that I have never been a mistake - especially in your eyes. We love, because you first loved us. I love my extended family, and am so thankful for each one of them. They are your treasures too, and you are there to meet with each one of them. I claim restoration, and can't wait to see the day!

Father God, I confess when the trials of raising three teenage daughters makes me weary, I immediately wonder and doubt I was ever cut out for adopting another child into our home. I have figured that I'm not doing a good job with the children I already have in our home, how can I be responsible for another. Well, truth is ... you called me into motherhood a long time ago and I am cut out for the job you instilled in me as long as I lean on you. I see that I have taken my children's mess-ups and put them on me. Their errors, are theirs. Mine are mine. You redeem it all and make it good. I repent of taking on others mistakes and calling them my own. I will stand on your redemption, and leading as I parent the children who are in our home as well as those who will come. I will also stand guard as to what others speak into my life, and make sure I clarify what is said. What you say is all that matters. Your love never fails and will guide us through all of our seasons in life - even this one and I will rest in it! Thank you Jesus for your constant presence. Thank you for showing me where to close doors, and open them to you. Thank you for making everything good.

Today I rest in you, as you are my strong tower. With you, I need no other!

I love you,
Karen

Adoption - The VERY Heart of God

2012-01-12T11:37:00.001-07:00

So many times I have written confessing me desperation in our adoption journey, and so many times I have written sharing the moments I have grasped of God through this journey. Today I "get it" like no other time prior.

The prayer in our home has been to open the doors that are shut and bring our Liberian children home. I have also prayed another prayer before the first - that I would experience God fully and understand His heart, and that His heart will become mine!

I started a new Bible study, and we are reading "Beautiful One", edited by Shae Cooke. I read the first chapter and had to reread it, and have stewed on it during the past couple of days. It talks of the orphan spirit and the spirit of adoption. It is funny, I try so many times to think of something else and NOT adoption ... but the word still comes forth! I don't believe in coincidences, and I do believe God is trying to reveal something to me. And frankly, I can me a very slow learner, but I finally have gotten it!

One of our pastors told me a year ago that "adoption is the very heart of God". I knew the passages in the Bible he was referencing, I have heard the statement he said many times before and it was nothing new but I confess I haven't pondered its full meaning, and haven't grasped the fullness of the statement - until today. It took God to show me through our adoption journey His heart.

We have prepared a room for Elijah. God has prepared a kingdom for me. (Matthew 25:34)

We have gathered clothes for Elijah and Ruth. God has handmade a robe of glory for me. (Luke 15:22, Romans 3:17)

We have a place designated for Elijah and Ruth at the dinner table. God has prepared a feast for me. (Psalm 23:5)

We have paid adoption fees throughout the adoption of Elijah and Ruth. God bought me through His son. (Acts 20:28, 1 Corinthians 6:20, 7:23)

We speak of Elijah and Ruth being ours constantly, God does the same for me and is pleased of what He created in me. (Romans 5:8, 1 John 3:16-20, Psalm 139: 13-18)

Elijah and Ruth have the same rights and inheritance as our own daughters who were birthed from me. God gives me the same inheritance as his own flesh and blood, Jesus. (Colossians 1:12, Hebres 9:15)

We constantly invision Elijah and Ruth home with us. God plans a place just for me. (Jeremiah 29:11)

We wait. He waits. (Romans 8:23)

Even as we plan for others to come into our home, not once have we given up hope that Elijah and Ruth will join us one day. God has never given my spot away either - not for even the person who measures so much greater than me. Because He has predestined, called, justified and glorified me. (Romans 8:29-30)

Today I have seen my prayers answered. Not the way I had invisioned, but they have been answered just the same. No, Elijah and Ruth aren't coming home, but through their journey I have seen mine! God has heard my hearts cry to understand and know His heart and I finally am grasping it and calling it mine!

In Him also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestined according to the purpose of Him who works all things according to the counsel of His will, that we who first trusted in Christ should be to the praise of His glory. In Him you also trusted, after you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation; in whom also, having believed, you were sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until the redemption of the purchased possission, the the praise of His glory.

Ephesians 1:11-14

YES!

2012-01-06T13:16:00.002-07:00

The Holy Spirit prompted what Christmas day was to look like in our home. This year we were to bring gifts to Jesus, just as the wise men once did.

In the hussle and bussle of getting ready for Christmas, I remembering wondering "what in the world am I going to bring to the King, who has everything?". I then started creating one gift when the Holy Spirit prompted me to give another.

Our family had a sweet time opening stockings, playing games and just being together centered in love and laughter. It was one of our favorite Christmas'.

Then the time came ... in order to open our gifts, we had to surrender our gift to the Christ child first. Even with the confirmation of knowing we loved one another, and we weren't to judge one another ... the act of giving to our Savior was very hard to do. We had to remove ourselves, and reveal our vulnerability.

Duane removed the family portrait and brought it in. He mentioned how much he valued and loved his family, and has learned that he can't protect it enough, and needs Jesus' to take his family and care for it the way it needs. God does it better, and Duane will follow His leading to be the husband and father he is called to be.

Katie and Courtney shared poems. One a poem of how she sees God and who He is. Another a poem of brokenness and surrender of where she is at in her walk with Him, but a love just the same.

Lindsay brought a necklace that was once her best-friends. After two years of grieving her best-friend (who died from cancer), she has finally giving Jesus what she held most valuable: her best-friend.

When it was my turn I swallowed my embarrassment and gave my gift ... the gift of "YES". I was shown how my words are willing, but my actions aren't following my commitment. In other words, I have been a hypocrite. I told God I would follow through and act out in YES, and not doubt and question. God has given me doors to walk through and I have found comfort in the waiting for those doors to open, that I haven't walked through them as I should. God in return gave me a promise as He extended His hand and showed me TOGETHER we will walk through the coming open doors.

The Christmas gifts are all put away, the tree is taken down and the decorations are stored. However, I still see my gift lying at the manger, and my heart still giving it today. "YES!" I will not be led by how I feel, but trust God fully and TOGETHER we will walk through many open doors in not only this coming year, but the years to come!

"And I said, 'Here am I. Send me!'"

Isiah 6:8.

Merry Christmas from Our Home to Yours!!!!

2011-12-24T13:54:00.001-07:00

Christmas 2011

Dear Family and Friends,

Greetings! You need to know you have touched our lives and we are so grateful for you!

As I turned our calendar to November, my mind quickly turned to figuring out what to write about in our annual Christmas letter; panic set in. I didn’t know what to say, but as I cleared and washed the dinner dishes tonight as the family rushed out the door, it was then I knew exactly what to say!

Our lives are full! Extremely Full! Full of Life. Full of Jesus. Full of Love. Full of Fun. Full of Friends. Full of activities. Full of each other. Full of passion. Full of good times. Full of challenges. Full of laughter. Full of emotions. Just plain full! We are experiencing a bounty in fullness….and LOVE it!

Duane remains hard at work, leading our family, being the homework guru and the spiritual head of this family. After 19 years of marriage this year, my admiration and love for him has grown. I can’t speak enough about him. Duane is our stability in our very emotional household! Duane continues at Amgen, in spite of the many lay offs this year. We remain grateful for his job. Duane is a back up leader at his men’s group at church, a leader in the high-school ministry and now helps with security at our church. But mainly…he is the go to man for us. We girls know if we need a problem solved, a listening ear or just a hug where to go … Duane, AKA Daddy. He is the best!

Lindsay. Our lives are filled with anticipation as we watch her finish her senior year and what life holds next for her. But I have to admit seeing her today as she was filling out her college applications brought some sorrow to my heart. I’m not ready to see her go as we enjoy having her around. I enjoy talking and listening with her …especially if shopping is involved! Lindsay continues in piano, bassoon, clarinet and anything else she can get her hands on. She was Drum Major in her school band this year – and as always, did an awesome job in directing, as well as leadership. I stand and look at my daughter, who is now a grown woman, and see her come beside freshmen, encourage, and embrace them; it fills my heart. Lindsay continues working in the church’s nursery and leads worship at the convalescent home. She recently got back from a mission trip to China, bringing back not only many stories but a much bigger heart for the people there. I celebrate her!

Our always active young lady, Katie, is just that…still active! I can’t believe she has started high-school this year, and can believe she loves it, as social as she is! Katie has continued on in band, and is exceptional on the flute…she just got placed in fourth chair (out of 9; beating juniors, sophomores and one other freshman). This is her first year in marching band and seems to bring a lot of life and fun with her. Katie is currently playing basketball, and will be joining the soccer team as well. Katie continues to attract little kids…whether they know her or not, she is mesmerizing to them and a whole lot of fun, and she often takes the time to play and talk with them. The kids love her in the nursery at church, and seem to always look for her! Katie has a gift of life. She embraces it, lives it, and teaches me to enjoy the moments!

Courtney amazes me! I just recently told her how she is my hero. Courtney is back in school, after being home-schooled and LOVING it! The lunch room conversations have been centered on faith, as others have different beliefs. Courtney remains bold and certain as she shares her faith and belief…she stands up when things need to be said – something I would never have done at her age! Astonishing! She is now volunteering twice a week at the Humane Society: one day caring for the cats, the other – the dogs. She loves it. She just recently joined a writing club at school, a place her imagination can run wild, and helps lead Awanas at our church. We are pleased to see the confidence arise in her and just plain astonished!

Me. I am so thankful to be able to still stay at home. I see now, that teenagers need the consistency, stability, and availability now more than ever; and I have the privilege to be able to provide just that. I am now a CASA volunteer (Court Appointed Special Advocate for foster care children; their voice in court). It takes much of my time – and worth every second and mile I have put on the car! I work along side of Duane in the high-school ministry and continue with my bible studies. I am fully blessed!

At the beginning of the year we were able to go to Disneyland and spend some much needed family time. We continue to find magic there, but now found as the girls are older, Duane and I could go and do things we wanted to do as the girls went on more rides. Freedom! Summer seemed so short, as it was filled with volunteering, marching band practices, VBS and our annual summer church retreats. Hiking wasn’t as much as we would have liked to do, but we managed a couple; Duane and Katie hiked a 14er. Katie and I celebrated our birthdays with my mom this year, which made a quick trip to California, and some special time just the two/three of us. We experienced sadness of putting our rabbit of the past 11 years down, but now welcome a new rabbit, Emily – who can’t seem to stay in her cage. Duane and I managed a couple nights away in the mountains that seemed to rejuvenate us for the coming school year, as well as give us the opportunity to have uninterrupted time.

Our home is full of not only the five of us, but it seems that every day there are additional kids calling me “Mom” and sitting around our dinner table or watching a movie with us…or dancing to the wii. It is true…if you feed them, they will come! And we thoroughly enjoy it. A matter-of-fact our family has also finished all the certifications for being a foster home for Denver County. Now we wait to hear what child will be joining our family. So, as you can imagine, our food budget is at its max; yet God continues to provide.

What amazes me the most this year, especially as we celebrate this Christmas, is how the King of the Universe, the same Creator who penned the creation and blew life into it all, the ultimate Healer, the source of love, joy, peace, strength and so much more desires to have personal time with me. Just Him and me, sitting on His lap or laughing as we walk through each activity in life. I have learned to cherish the time I have with Him, and it is that time that I’m able to see life through His eyes and love everything and everyone that comes my way. The Creator of time has time for you too, and as I have found every time I seek Him, He is right there to be found. I pray as we anticipate the coming of a child who is called “Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace” and reigns on His throne on high that you too will experience that intimate time with Him. He came for me, and He came for you.

I wish you all a very Merry Christmas as you celebrate Jesus!

With hearts full of thanksgiving, celebration and much love,

Duane, Karen, Lindsay, Katie and Courtney Archibald

Joy To The World The Lord Has Come!

2011-12-22T12:57:00.000-07:00

The last couple of weeks we have had a bit of a scare in our home. We have had moments of peace, sometimes even a full day ... but somewhere fear would creep in, and tears followed. We have been waiting medical tests to know whether or not I had a tumor or not. Like I said, the waiting hasn't been easy. I audibly heard God's voice on the exam table, saying "I will get you through this". I didn't hold onto His promise, but instead allowed fear to come in as I didn't know what "this" was.

This morning I was reminded of a similar story. Please bare with me. In the beginning of Jesus' story, we are told of another ... the conception and birth of John the Baptist, who will prepare the way for Jesus. Zechariah was encountered by Gabriel, the angel who told him of the coming of a son.  Zechariah questioned the promise which resulted in silence until John was to be circumcised. Months of solitude - not being able to voice his say in matters, not being able to voice his insight with his fellow serving priests, not being able to voice the intimate secrets a husband says to his wife, not being able to voice his feelings and wisdom and even blessing on the birth of his son.

Mary too was visited by Gabriel.  Her promise was even more obscure than Zechariah's .. as she was a virgin.  Mary questioned too. Yet a gentle answer and explanation was her response.

Do you see the difference? Mary saw Gabriel and believed what was said. Zechariah saw Gabriel, and doubted the words off his lips. Mary's song glorified the Lord and speaks of How great God is, her surrender to His calling , she was even thankful to be part of His plan. Zechariah, even after serving in the temple, being a Godly man he was and believing God full well, didn't give God praise and recognition until AFTER John's birth and AFTER his time of solitude.

So as I have been waiting, today I questioned and wondered.  Did I recognize the Greatness of my God? Did I glorify the Lord in song? Did I surrender to His calling? Was I even thankful? I would love to tell you yes ... but honestly, there were moments and days I have been more like Zachariah than Mary.

I am so thankful God works with us, and knows us better than we know ourselves. He teaches us through life's moments and shows us His word brought to life. I have the hearts desire to be more like Mary ... but bottom line, Zechariah and Mary both recognized God and brought Him honor in their own time. I want to be more like the person He called me to be, and rise up to His plan and recognize how Great our God is in spite of the circumstances!

I can't help but hear the glorious words to the song "Joy to the world ... OUR LORD HAS COME" and that is why we rejoice this time of year. Yet I rejoice throughout the year as our God Almighty came to earth in form of a precious baby knowing He was going to be rejected and crucified...so we may have eternal life with Him! Knowing He is the same God today that He was when scriptures were written, brings me much peace and reassurance. As I see He was a God who walked the streets, walked through the journey we call "life", with all the questions and pressures we have, but HE had ALL the answers! Today that same God lives, continuing to bring us peace and reassurance. He fights for us and holds our hands even before we need holding. He wipes our tears and rejoices with us. He is a good God and remains good to this day. He continues to have all the answers. Through Him and because of Him we are all set free!

And today we celebrate as He set our family free from worry and questioning ... everything was benign! Thank you Jesus!

And God Came

2011-12-13T13:24:00.001-07:00

As usual, Duane and I were praying this morning. Life seems to be a bit heavier than normal this morning, and we were laying our burdens at His feet. During prayer, I happened to look up and pondered our decorated mantel. And then I remembered ...

I thought of all the heaviness, then lies seemed to whisper in my ear. You know the ones when you are kicked down, the "oh, what you are going through is nothing compared to so and so...save your prayer requests", or "you are so alone in this...no one will care about all this", or "you deserve all this". Yea, sometimes I hear those words when I am battling heaviness. But this morning was different, I kicked those lies to the curb as I stumbled on what I saw .. those manger scenes.

Why did Jesus come to this lowly place...a manger? Why did the King of the universe, the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords come to a lowly place called earth, and a lowly place such as my heart? The text book answer is to save us from our sins, so we may have eternal life with our Heavenly Father. But this morning I am reminded of so much more. He came. He came for you. He came for me. But He came to set us free. He came to heal us. He came to carry our heaviness. He came to wipe our tears. He came to hold our hand. He came to celebrate our joys with us. He came to encourage, to give hope and peace and increase our faith. He came so we can be more like Him. He came. And the beauty of it all ... He still comes every moment of the day, every day.

So as I sat and started in my self pity of "why now?" and "why during this most happiest time of the year?", I told my Savior, my Lord of Lords, my Emmanuel ... thank you that it was now, as I am reminded He came in form of a baby for such a time as this! And as the letters spell out on our mantel, P E A C E ... it still holds true today. He came this morning picking up my heaviness and in return He gave me His peace.

I pray you too experience His peace during this Christmas time, as well as the days that follow.

An Answer to the Why

2011-12-08T12:10:00.000-07:00

I still get asked to this day about our Liberian adoptions ... some share their frustrations with not fully understanding what lies against us, some share their sorrow as they have given up hope for us and others remain in prayer for our children to come home. I have been able to share the details to the corruption that lies behind the hold on our children. However, I have never been able to articulate it so well. Well, thanks to a dear friend who ran across an article ... this is what stands in our way. The article will talk about UNICEF, however it isn't just UNICEF in Liberia, but Save The Children as well.

Why do I share this? Because you can make a small difference. You may think twice about where your donations will go this year, and the purchases you make.

http://communities.washingtontimes.com/neighborhood/red-thread-adoptive-family-forum/2011/dec/5/why-i-wont-buy-unicef-holiday-cards/#.Tt5fC34W9BH.facebook

It sickens me to think these organizations think that our children being raised in an orphanage, who have gone hungry for days, and haven't been held ...truly held, have been sick and without doctor care think they are better off than being in a home, where they can rest, be fully educated, have instant doctor care when needed, never go hungry and be held and loved by people who have already called them their own. It truly sickens me, and breaks my heart.

A Heart Like His

2011-12-06T15:36:00.001-07:00

I have sought God about what to write on this blog, nothing came to me - until this morning when I was watching TV. The host this morning had a guest who was an advocate for pets...specifically dogs and cats, which just brought out the passion on this matter in the host. I knew then exactly what I was to say.

Please don't get me wrong. I LOVE animals. Anyone who knows me will verify this fact. Anyone who has been to our home has experienced our small zoo. Even those who do know me don't know how much I am of my great-grandmother's who had a huge heart for our furry friends. I see God in His creation...how creative God is to create such a variety, as well as the instinct and abilities in each one. Amazing! I also believe these creatures have been put on this earth for us to take care of. But I believe animals are God's fun and creativeness not the center of His heart. We, His people are. And it is clear He has a special place for the fatherless and widows.

Sing to God, sing praise to his name,

extol him who rides on the clouds -

his name is the Lord

and rejoice before him.

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,

is God in his holy dwelling.

God sets the lonely in families,

he leads forth the prisoners with singing;

but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.

Psalm 68: 4-6

As I sat and watched these furry friends on TV, my heart ached for something much bigger. I grew in frustration as I am constantly reminded of the neglect of animals, yet knowing that 153,000,000 children across the world have lost one or both of their parents needing a home, a mom, and/or dad - needing hope.

So many people think of adoption when it comes to orphans. Granted, children deserve a home, a mom and dad, a bed to call their own - hope and a future. We all have it, why can't they? However, I am fully aware not everyone is called to adopt, but we are all called to care for the orphans. I have heard excuses such as "I wish we could, but it isn't my thing" or "I don't have the space for another child" or "I just can't financially do it". And the result remains the same as we turn a deaf ear and a blind eye toward the huge need. What if I told you that you don't have to have space for a child? Or you don't have to offer one penny? and what if I told you ... this is your thing, because God has commanded it on all of us?

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this:

to look after orphans and widows in their distress

and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

James 1:27

Do you have a concern with all the news these days? Do you wonder where our world is heading to? Do something about it ... the future isn't in the dogs and cats we save, but rather the children you see on your block or in the neighborhood school or park. The future is in the children that are on welfare, and the children who don't have to worry where they lay their head at night. The future is those children in the cities as well as those out on the country farms. The future are the children that are in Africa, Ukraine, China and here in the US. Children are our future, and if you want to change the way our country is going ... INVEST in a life of a child.

But yet I hear, "How? I have nothing to offer." And that is where you are so wrong.

Those of you who have a passion and a calling, and you clearly know God has laid it on your heart ... adoption is a key way to give hope to a child, and change the direction in that child's life. Now is the time...there are boys and girls waiting for a home, waiting just for you. Please see links at the bottom of this post.

Maybe adoption isn't fully what you are called to do, but have the room to bring a child in. Have you considered fostering? There are so many children who need the consistency a parent has to offer, yet don't have it. So many counties need your help - call yours today. (Adams and Denver county has the greatest need in Colorado.)

CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate). Get to know a child or a family of children who have been pulled from their home, protect a child's rights and ensure their safety - be their voice in court. http://www.casaforchildren.org/site/c.mtJSJ7MPIsE/b.5301295/k.BE9A/Home.htm

Can you be a friend? What about the big-brother/big-sister program? The children signed up in this program seek help with their homework as well as a mentor in their life. You have so much to offer, all your hobbies and talents will bring healing, knowledge and connection. http://www.biglittlecolorado.org/

What about the single mom or single dad down the street? Can you bring their children over to your home and play with them? What a double blessing! Not only can you touch the life of these children, but give the mom/dad a break!

Do you have extra newish stuffed-animals? Take them to your nearest police station and donate them. Why? These officers have the hardest job - removing children out of unsafe conditions and bringing them to a new place. These children are traumatized, hurt and angry. A stuffed animal can be just the ticket to prove to the child that these officers aren't the bad guys!

Maybe you do have some extra money you can give. I have listed some websites for you to consider donating to. I also have some sites that you can sponsor a child through, and receive letters from your sponsor child...and even have the opportunity to visit! But I encourage you to do more that write a check. Even though these charities are in desperate need, it is easy to write a check ... get involved with the life of a child.

http://www.addyshope.com/
http://www.adoptuskids.org/
http://www.hopefororphans.org/display.asp?page=home
http://www.icareaboutorphans.org/
http://www.lifesongfororphans.org/
http://www.streetsofhope.org/
http://www.compassion.com/
http://theshepherdscrook.org/
http://www.watoto.com/home

That should be enough to get you started.

Get involved! You will not only be changing a life of a child ... but I guarantee yours will be changed too!

When Two Worlds Collide

2011-11-03T12:43:00.000-06:00

I have to confess that when I received my CASA badge, a whole lot of fear came with it. There was so much to remember and I was afraid of messing up and forgetting the little details, let alone fear of what the case members were going to think about me. But I see now that when I received my CASA badge I received some pride right along with it.

Truthfully, I came in thinking I was going to change a life or lives of some children...I never knew what I had coming.

Most of the cases in the social services system are cases with poverty, and truthfully I am dealing with people I wouldn't see in my day to day life. I wouldn't see them at my church, at my grocery store and the schools and the list goes on. It is interesting that poverty hangs out with poverty, and middle class hangs out with middle class and so on, and it is sad to say for the most part it is true.

In November was my youngest child (on my case)'s first birthday. I scrambled to get a little something for him. I specifically remember asking myself; "what didn't he get for his birthday, so I don't duplicate it?". I picked him up an outfit, and a little toy on my way. I was in such a rush that I didn't do a great job wrapping, but through the items in a bag and called it good.

I walked into their home, and the boy was sleeping, so I brought the bag over to the great-grandmother and said: "this is for ____". I'll never forget that moment, as I was in a moment of panic...wondering if I had the dates right, as she looked at me in bewilderment. She asked what the gift was for. I responded, "isn't it ____ birthday?" And then she remembered - her youngest great-grandchild had had his first birthday the previous week, with no cake or any mention of birthday wishes ... and then proceeded to say "this is his only present".

You know, if I could relive these moments I would have done things a little better. I would have wrapped that present with the finest paper and the biggest bow, and perhaps would have brought some cup cakes for everyone to celebrate a little boy who turned one. But I can't. I was so humbled and just wanted to cry. Not because God used me through this, but because I realized how much I take for granted. I mean truthfully, even in our hardest times we haven't gone without...at least there is credit. But these people don't have anything to their name, and they make do.

I am not there to change their world...they are there to change mine. And this next month, when another child celebrates her birthday, I am going to take a little extra time and make it something special ... because you know what? They are something special - not only to me, but definitely to God!

Judge vs. Love

2011-11-02T16:51:00.001-06:00

"and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love,

I gain nothing."

1 Corinthians 13:2-3

God aligned me clearly to be a CASA advocate, and put it in my lap this past summer. Out of obedience I took the classes, and shortly after I received my first case.

I can't share with you about specifics in my case, but I can share that it involves three children, one mom, two dads, one girlfriend, two great-grandmother's and one grandfather, two grandmothers...not to mention now all these lives have not only me, but a GAL, a caseworker and judge. There are also some special respondent attorneys, a supervised visit place and observers, therapists, UA's and parenting classes. I think all this sums up the case in a nut shell. I remember during the first couple of weeks after being assigned the case how overwhelmed I was with all the names and positions as I tried to figure out their role, and then I questioned if God had the right person for the job!

I have enjoyed getting to know these children, and even the adults that are involved. However, I haven't enjoyed the responsibility of making judgemental recommendations, as I witness visits and discern each atmosphere that the children are involved in. Judge. That is God's role, not mine. I have worked and worked to remove judgment thoughts from me as I meet new people, or worship with others at church, and even as I interact with my family. But now with this new role, I feel as if now that is what I am asked to do. I ask God before every visit, to give me discernment and wisdom but to not have to judge. God reminded me that it is NOT my role to judge but to just be a vessel of love...that is why he called me to this, not for anything else.

So I'm not to judge, but I am to love.   Before one of my visits I had to get honest with God. I asked Him, "have you seen what these parents have done? Have you seen the lack of parenting they have done? Aren't you aware of what these children have seen and participated? You have to see it, and agree that these parents don't deserve to have these children! Don't you see how the roller coaster of emotions are affecting these children?" And then as I was pointing my finger at them, I saw three fingers pointing back at me. I have yelled at my girls during their growing up. I have hurt their feelings. I have been late picking them up from school. I have given them ice-cream and popcorn for dinner a time or two. I skipped their baths when I just was too tired. I haven't gotten out of bed and have let them tend to themselves. So as those three fingers were pointing back to me, and I saw all of this, I saw not only do I not deserve the children I have, but these parents deserve as much grace and mercy that I myself ask for each day. I picked up a role that wasn't mine to fill and I wasn't loving. I confessed all this and sought God's forgiveness, and I asked for God's love to shine through me and love the parents I was about to meet, to let me discern and witness anything I need to be aware of, and I spent the rest of the time praying over two complete strangers.

You know what? He did just as I asked. The parents saw that I was there to not judge them, that they could talk to me. I was able to see strengths and concerns that needed to be documented. I didn't see how God is going to fix these parents, but I rested knowing that the God of the Universe loves them just as much as everyone else and has everything under control.

I am learning so much about God and his love through CASA. And what I have seen, God's love is greater than I can ever imagine, and if I would just rest in it and let it flow through me ... truthfully, nothing else matters.

Happy Birthday Our Little 4 Year Old!

2011-11-02T11:07:00.000-06:00

Ruthie, I don't know if you even remember me, as you were only 1 when we met. But it doesn't matter ... you are on our hearts, and you continue to remain in our prayers. We are so thankful for you - the life God gave you, the joy you bring to those around you. We are thankful that God does have a plan for you, and we will continue to pray that you will see the path set before you and choose to walk it. It is Him that will make that path straight. May your days to come be filled with so much joy, peace and favor. We love you greatly!

So Thankful for You!

2011-10-25T22:24:00.000-06:00

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks;

for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

1 Thess 5:16-18

Thankfulness was my topic in my Bible study today. The following statement hit me between the eyes: "Not everything that happens in life is His will. He didn't cause the crisis that an individual or a nation may be facing. He actually cannot give things that are not good, because he does not have them. God can give only good gifts because He is good, and He has only good gifts to give. So giving thanks in everything does not mean that the adversity came from God. But when you give thanks in the midst of an adverse situation, a difficulty that was intended to undermine your faith and even destroy you enables you to take hold of that situation and set it apart to God and His purposes." Bill Johnson

What does that mean to me?

To this day I receive question after question about our children in Liberia. No one understands. What I understand and share doesn't make sense. But in the back of their minds they question how God could allow these children to be raised in an orphanage. Some question if we heard right. Some doubt. Some condemn. And I totally get it, because I have been in the same place.

I have allowed anger, bitterness, and disappointment fill my heart and close parts of my heart from God. But when I sit and ponder all that God has done through my life...the big things as well as the minor, God has proved Himself faithful and true. He has never left me, and has continued to pour His love on me. He continues to show His goodness in my life. Bottom line, a good God doesn't do something bad and I have reason to be thankful in spite of Elijah and Ruth being here or not.

And that is where I'm at - a heart of thankfulness. Thank you God for providing Elijah and Ruth a home, food and provision. Thank you for keeping them healthy and well taken care of. Thank you for the people who have been placed in theirs and our lives to give us connection. I am thankful God, you have allowed me to go and hold them. Thank you for the hope that you have shown us throughout the past four years as we wait. Oh God, I so appreciate how you have held our hearts, wiped our tears away as well as theirs. Thank you for not walking away from me when I have been bitter and angry toward you, but instead you held me that much tighter. Thank you that I don't have to understand any of this ... but I can trust you know what is best and will take care of it all. Thank you for your love for each of us. Thank you for never turning your heart away from me and remaining so good. Thank you, thank you and thank you for you...I love you so much. I choose to be thankful as I have so much to be thankful for, and through it all I can see how big you are. I open my heart fully to you, asking and receiving your love in all areas of my heart. I give everything over to you completely, today and everyday. No more hiding, no more doubt ... but rather my mind, heart and soul fully devoted to you - and thank you for receiving it always.

So on this very special day I say THANK YOU GOD for all these things, and blessing our son with another birthday. Thank you for being the perfect parent in His life. This special day we celebrate the evidence of YOU in his life.

HAPPY 7TH BIRTHDAY ELIJAH!!!!!!

God Is Good!

2011-10-19T10:40:00.001-06:00

It is the simple things that bring my life so much joy. Those simple things are the animals we bring into our family. Earlier this year we had to put our beloved bunny down. As you can imagine it was a sad day in the Archibald home. When we put that bunny down, we remembered all we went through with him and felt as if we were putting all those memories down with our Daisy-Doodle. Sorrow remained in our hearts, and a yearning in my heart grew more and more for another bunny.

I look through my journal and see conversations I was having with God, laying my heart before him and confessing the reasons I wanted another bunny, but then trusting him in his infinite wisdom to do what was best. But every corner I was looking to see he was saying yes.

We went into a new store, Duane wanted to explore. I came around the corner of the aisle and there was a troft and in it...the last bunny! It also had the lopped ears I was hoping for! I looked at Duane ... and he looked at me, knowing he just couldn't say no to me once again. And now my yearning was filled ... or was it?

This year seems to be a year of hardship for us. Everything seems to be breaking down around us: car (a couple of times), appliances, home repairs, yard stuff and the list goes on. Also I am learning that the older your children become the more expensive are the needs. So needless to say we have been watching every penny that comes and goes through our home. So when the summer came with all its repairs, it also opened a door of guilt as I contemplated "Did God give me my hearts desire or did I choose this bunny and the expense that came with it?".

Duane took me away for a much needed retreat for the two of us. We didn't go far, but just needed that time alone. The phone rang, and it was clear that our bunny who was only months old was at the vet's office and needing emergency care. I let it all go, as I knew Duane could take care of it. But then the next day when the vet called me, it was then I heard this was life or death. It was asked how much we want to invest in this bunny. It was then, I had to let our bunny go. I knew I made a decision on my heart about this bunny, not God's in the first place and knew I had to give her back to him. But in that knowing I took on shame, and even a deserving of punishment for it.

We picked up our lifeless bunny on the way home, seeing she wasn't eating, drinking and hearing her gasp for air. Instead of waking to death the next morning as we expected, we awoke to a bunny that was still with us. And in the few days that followed, we saw a HUNGRY and very enthusiastic bunny who couldn't get enough of each of us.

I then realized that God loves the littlest desires of our hearts. And I think he loves those desires because it is those desires He can show how GREAT he is. He takes that shame, dusts it off and restores us with fulfillment and makes it all OK. He showed me the desire of my heart wasn't a bunny but instead God to fulfill the emptiness I was experiencing. I see today as we hold our newest member of our family and see how he redeemed what was probably not the best decision we made, and made it good and even brought our family closer to Him through it!

God is on the Move

2011-10-17T11:47:00.001-06:00

It has been five months since I have posted anything on this blog! WOW!!!! I admit the busyness took over my life, and thus there wasn't time to blog, but I confess laziness then just took over.

I have been pondering the past couple months as to the reason to this blog: 1. to keep our family and friends who are far from us informed as to what is going on in our crazy life and 2. to bring honor to God. So because I yearn to bring honor to God in all that I do (including writing in this little piece of cyber space) I write when HE gives me something to write. So simply put; God has been doing a lot of stretching and pulling, trimming and growing in me during these past months. We have gone through some pain through it, and I wish I could say we are done with this growth spurt...but instead I can say: God remains faithful, and has never left me through this season of life and never will! AMEN!

I looked back through my journal to see exactly what we have been doing. May 18th, I wrote: "I was set on finding your voice yesterday, and knowing your will. Isaiah 61 has been a calling you have on our family. I believe it is letting loose on us."

Aren't there times you wish you could fully understand what God is getting ready to do? I know I get that way every time I sense He is getting ready to do something. I want to know what exactly it is, not out of lack of trust in him, but rather I am so excited I can't stand it! Five months later let me tell you what I know so far.

Gates were opened wide for me to be trained as a CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate) volunteer for Adam's county. What exactly does that mean? I have the privilege to get to know a child(ren) on a particular case who is in the social services/foster care, make sure their needs are well taken care of, they are safe and be their voice in court for what they would like happen, and also be the voice in court as to what I recommend should happen. It is something I thought I would NEVER do, and something God clearly said "oh yes...you need to do!". When God laid foster children on our family's hearts I thought fostering was where he was calling us and so we are qualified in that area, but instead he has me in this role as of now. I remember at our high school youth conference this past summer God saying to me "I want to do a ministry through you. I don't want you to do a ministry for me." and giving me the sense this ministry was going to be in our own backyard. At this time, this is where He has me...but I know He isn't finished with me yet.

Katie was enlightened at that same conference. She was overwhelmed with a call God put on her. She has had the desire to be a pediatrician all along...now she is aware of the HUGE need in Africa, and knowing her brother and sister are there without the basic needs intensified that awareness. She has her eyes set on medical school and from there will go and stay in Africa to truly care for the orphans and bring them under her wing and teach them her love to read. I can't wait to see that day!

Courtney has always had a heart for Africa. She desires to teach, but right now I see the hunger in her to learn God's words and His ways. God is building her faith. I can't wait to see when her calling is much more clear to her.

Duane has been saying "yes" to God, and is ready to go on a mission trip of his own. He doesn't want to be the person sending his family off at the airport anymore...he wants to go and serve in such a way, and to experience his own adventure with God. Now he just waits to know what he has said "yes" to.

Lindsay. Well, as I write this she is in China. I remember so clearly the day she came out of her kindergarten class and said "Mommy, I'm going to be a missionary to China when I grow up!". Now the day is here...not that she is totally grown up, but she is off and sharing the love of Jesus to so many who don't even know of him. Lindsay is speaking in a college classroom, helping the students practice their English and when she is asked she talks of Jesus. The last email I received started with an introduction of "In the most loving way possible, I want to say I don't want to come home." I believe that sums up her trip.

So as I write and share with you all of these GREAT things God is doing or getting ready to do, it also paints the spiritual battle we are under. When God is leading us on the paths he has set before us, Satan is doing all he can to get us off that path. Sometimes he has, but God's mercy has put us back on. I would love to say honestly my heart's desire is for God's will in my life, but I confess I struggle with earthly desires. You know the ones: new car, new appliances, a new paint job in our home, furniture, clothes...and the list goes on. But I'm determined to cast my eyes on Him, the Maker of heaven and earth, the Alpha and Omega, the Great I Am and trust He knows and sees my needs and will lead and care for me according to his plan. He remains my peace ... even in the midst of our storms, and that is where I choose to stay.

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,

because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim freedom for the captives

and release from darkness for the prisoner,

to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor

and the day of vengeance of our God,

to comfort all who mourn,

and provide for those who grieve in Zion-

to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,

the oil of gladness instead of mourning,

and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.

They will be called oaks of righteousness,

a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor."

Isaiah 61: 1-3

Happy Mother's Day!

2011-05-08T16:00:00.004-06:00

It seems the older I get, the more I experience and the more I appreciate my mom. This year is with no exception.

I love you Mom! I wish I could be there to celebrate, but having a cup of tea over skype in our best china, and remembering is the next best thing! Turn off the music at the bottom of the page and enjoy!

Happy Mother's Day!!!!

Lindsay and Her Music...Whatelse?????

2011-05-04T15:59:00.000-06:00

Just a snipet of our life at home....(Don't forget to turn the music off at the bottom of the page!)

District Honor Band....

Jazz & Choir Concerts...

Do you know what my favorite part about Easter was?

2011-04-25T11:06:00.001-06:00

Nope, it's not the beautiful dresses!

Nope, it's not the traditional cup of tea in fine china, with homemade cinnamon rolls that follow.

Nope, it wasn't watching a bunch of home movies; laughing and remembering and some even being a bit embarrassed. Fun...but not it.

Nope, it's not coloring eggs!

Well, it could be going to church in full celebration ...but sorry, not it!

Nope, it's not the Easter baskets with all the candy!

Nope, it's not even the delicious food.

Nope, it's not the family bike ride we enjoyed this year, or getting caught in the rain at the end.

Nope, it's not even the puppy enjoying his new finds!

It could have been the girls putting a surprise together; playing and singing a song to one of my favorite Easter movies (Veggie tales Easter Carol)...very close, but still not it!

Nope not watching all the Easter movies...not even the Donut Man's Easter Celebration.

All GREAT guesses, but not it. Give up?

My favorite part about Easter was the five of us coming together in our annual tradition of reading Benjamin's Box, opening Resurrection Eggs and Reading through the Scriptures and hearing the Easter story all over again, as if it was our first time. As the years move on, there isn't much of a surprise anymore as to what is in the eggs, there isn't a different ending to the book. But what I love is that God's word is alive and there is always something new to find. I also stand on reassurance God's word will not return void. This is the foundation of what is to come in the lives of these girls and generations to come - Jesus! He was, He is and is to come!

He has Overcome!

2011-04-24T08:28:00.001-06:00

The goodness of the cross I thought was enough. But God had bigger plans.

He is risen! He has overcome the grave!

Today with much joy, we celebrate...with dance and gladness. Because Jesus did just as He said He'd do and overcame the grave.   Nothing can keep my Jesus down. Nothing!

Grief. Finances. Parenting. Marriage. Strife. Illness. Adoption. Loneliness. Depression.  Emotions. The deepest pain. The most impossible situation.  Death. Nothing can keep my Jesus down. He overcame the grave, so He can and will overcome it all!

And that is the power of His Resurrection. He overcame the grave thousands of years ago, and He overcomes today.

I celebrate with much joy of my Jesus.  Because my Jesus is very much alive today as when He walked this earth. Today I celebrate He has overcome the grave and will continue to overcome it all.  Nothing can keep my Jesus down...nothing!

His Timing Is Perfect

2011-04-22T09:28:00.015-06:00

Sometimes it isn't fun to celebrate your birthday with a holiday/special day. This could be one of those times, but it got me thinking as we celebrate Courtney's 13th birthday and Good Friday.

I can't help remember these past 13 years.

It was over 13 years ago, I was to be unmoved from a couch for over 3 months. Doctors wondered if she would make it until her due date. Worry and frustration came over me.

Courtney was 10 months old when illness struck, and left her sick until she was 4. Our new "normal" would be life at the doctors office and Children's Hospital. Peace and Joy remained.

Courtney was diagnosed and misdiagnosed time and time again, before the correct diagnosis was given. We grew tired.

Courtney endured two major surgeries. I held Jesus' hand as worry struck me.

Courtney had a G-tube, which made her feel abnormal as we would "plug" her in so she could burp or get sick. We thought this was her healing and rejoiced.

Courtney had to change her diet. We needed to learn more.

She endured bullying and "not" fitting in. Our hearts were broken.

God remained faithful and overcame!

By His stripes He has made her whole and healed! Today she remains free from illness and pain. She lives a life as any 13 year old would. She knows the source of her healing and goes to Him without any hesitancy for anything. God grew her faith.

She speaks of her belief even in her public school classes - no matter how "foolish" she may look. He has given her boldness.

She is quick to let go and forgive. He is her gentleness.

Jesus overcame the cross and overcame in Courtney and our lives.

This year we celebrate Courtney's birth and have the privilege to be reminded of how much He has overcome.

Good Friday?

2011-04-22T08:59:00.001-06:00

"God himself will provide the lamb..."

Genesis 22:8

Good Friday. When Lindsay was about 6 years old, we attended a church that did the Stations of the Cross. We literally carried a cross, as we thought about the sacrifice years ago. I explained to Lindsay how Jesus was mocked, beaten and then nailed to a cross on what we call Good Friday. All of a sudden, in all of her innocence and with much concern she bursted out and asked "Mommy, what's so good about that?"

Yes. What's so good about that?

Jesus was ridiculed. Beaten. Stripped of any dignity. Spit at. Laughed at. Cursed. Brutally murdered when innocent.

So what is so good about that?

That mean thought I had for that someone earlier this week. The harsh tone I gave my husband last night. The healings our family had experienced. The freedom, joy and hope that fill my soul. The slanderous thoughts I have had for the Liberian government. The judgement I fall into with people I meet. The curse word that came across my mind. The anger that can get the best of me. The meanness I may offer. The jealousy of the people who have a new car. Taking life for granted. Not being thankful when I should. How I have dishonored my parents. My unfaithfulness. And the list goes on.

God took my list to the cross with him. He thought of me as he endured the thorns on his brow, and the nails in His flesh. God provided the sacrifice, because He loved me that much. And that is the good of this Friday.

And the greatness of His goodness, wasn't just for me...but for us all. One cross. One Jesus. One God. One gloomy day. For you and for me.

I will be forever grateful!

Are You on the Game Board?

2011-03-18T13:40:00.000-06:00

I had a vision at church a couple of weeks ago. I love when God speaks to me through pictures, because I "get it" that much more and it impacts me so. I don't believe this vision was for just me and I want to share it with each of you. May it be an encouragement to each of you.

What I saw was a game board. As I pressed in to see exactly why, I was extremely amazed. It was Chutes and Ladders. Anyway, I saw we were His players. The moment we accept Christ we are on that board. I also saw Satan having a tantrum, because he knows once we are on that board, he can't have us. The game was beautifully loud - as I heard testimonies and praising as each player moved a square and up those ladders. It was that very act of praising and speaking our testimonies that moved us forward to be closer to God.

But what else I saw were those "chutes" (slides). I saw people slide down them.

If you are a lot like me you may beat yourself up when you fall into an old habit that you broke off. Or you may beat yourself up when you think a way Christ wouldn't. Perhaps you may loose your temper, be tempted to turn your eyes on something you shouldn't. Whatever it is, how do you react? I have been ashamed so much of myself, that I just can't look at God because I believe He is looking at me with that very same shame. I have even believed the lie that if I can't overcome my mistakes then how can God even love me? My heart is for Him, and I hate disappointing Him.

But I saw something as those people slid down those slides on that game board. THEY WERE NEVER OFF THE BOARD! We may have our set backs and failures. We may feel we"ll never get close to God but the truth of the matter is...You are still in the Game. God loves us that much! It is His love that keeps you and me on that game board. And whether we have the same issue that keeps us falling down the very same slide, we are still in His presence!

So where are you? Are you going to stand with me with praise and shout our testimonies to move forward in the game? And even overcome those slides? I'm in! Are you?

This Crazy Journey called Life - Part Two

2011-03-10T10:29:00.000-07:00

"She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said."

Luke 10:39 NIV

Martha vs. Mary.

I always thought I was both. God has shown me otherwise.

I thought I could be caught sitting at the feet of Jesus, soaking in His words. God has shown me otherwise.

I look now at this familiar story and see that it was Martha that opened up their home, not Lazarus (the head of the household) or Mary who is so consumed by Jesus...but Martha. Martha opened up the opportunity for her siblings to soak in Jesus! That is the gift of hospitality!

But the problem is: Martha is distracted by the responsibilities. (I can relate.) She is probably making sure the kitchen is cleared and ready for the next task at hand, just in case her guest wants some coffee, or perhaps some chocolate chip cookies. She wants her bathroom candles lit, and the home environment welcoming. She doesn't want Jesus to have to worry about a thing, or feel He is imposing. She is fretting over His encounter at their home, that she forgets to encounter Jesus, herself. (I can so relate!) She exhausts herself as she does the cleaning, cooking and planning, and is so absorbed on how Jesus is going to see her through these tasks at hand, instead of allowing Him to just see her. She grumbles as the tiredness that takes hold of her emotions, and her spirit cries out "I would like to be sitting before Jesus!", but just doesn't know how when she sees more to be done.

And that is where I am at!

I am a Martha!

God has been calling me to encounter Him. To sit at his feet, drink from His cup and just allow His love to shower upon me.

I have been fretting.

I don't feel comfortable "sitting" or allowing Him to take care of me, when I see there are other people to take care of, or when I see what kind of person I am.

Yet God still wants me to come and experience His fullness.

I have confessed to Him that this is so hard for me. I pleaded with Him as I told Him how much I love to experience Him through serving. Yet He wants more for me and calls me to Him. He is answering the cry of my heart to go deeper with Him (I just didn't know it meant this way).

A couple of weeks ago, I couldn't get moved as I tried to worship God at our women's Bible study. I struggled coming into His presence because I hadn't been serving or doing, I was just simply coming. I know He wanted me to come, but I remained uncomfortable.

A week later, I went into the same worship setting, knowing I could come and worship the King of Kings because I was given a heart to serve once again and had another task in my hand. And then it hit me! My worship was according to me...not God! OUCH!!!!

So the selfishness I felt before Him, as I wasn't serving but "just" sitting turned into just that...a worship of selfishness! NOT what I want!

So each day I seek His voice. I am learning to sit still (which is still a challenge) and truly enjoy the love our God has for me. I see His hand on my shoulder, and His smile upon me. He is helping me as He teaches. He wants to do "simple" things for me. I am experiencing doors closing and a quietness behind them that I have never experienced. And I am beginning to hear the heartbeat of God!

And I am learning it is OK.

And you know what? It feels good to be so loved!

This Crazy Journey called Life - Part One

2011-03-07T10:56:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry I haven't been posting much these days. If I had to post a couple of weeks ago, I know it would have been a pretty depressing post. I didn't know what God had for us, and felt so lost, as I have hidden the secret that the three children we thought were coming to our home are not. I wondered if I am hearing God correctly as it was, and was afraid to hear comments from my readers as to "another adoption journey to an end" or even sense your judgement. I felt forgotten and bruised from hitting another brick wall.

I am also at that age where my girls are older, more self-confident (which is what we want for them), and wondering ... what is my purpose now?

I didn't want to hear every one's two cents. I wanted to hear God and only God.

I have an addiction. I look at children who need to be adopted constantly. It seems that there was this panic inside of me, that I need to find the right child God has for our home. The stress of "is this the one" constantly weighed on me.

And then God showed up ...

First, I was shown sin in my life that I had to make right with God. I had allowed the enemies lies in, and started to believe them. I was constantly saying "I'm not hearing God", when the truth was; I was. But I kept denying God, and believing what I was saying. My life with God was quiet because I had chose it, not Him. Repentance and forgiveness was in order.

And then I was able to hear God clearly...

God showed me a woman, who I have envied and became jealous of. I couldn't even have conversations with this woman because of my jealousy. You see, this woman started the adoption process at the same time we had. Hers came together lickity split. Ours is ... well, you know that story. She had her family. She went after what was on her heart, and had completion. Her journey was hard, as she dealt with RAD and other issues that came into their home with the child. She even gave me words of advice, that were negative and not encouraging because of the hardships she was dealing with. She has had this child for over a year. But now ... this woman has had to let this child go. This child didn't work out in their home, and she is feeling really depressed over her loss. I'm sure she has questioned everything.

God asked me "are you jealous of her now"?    And the truth is - "no, no I'm not". I hurt for her. I don't want to experience the pain she is in now, have all the questions that are running through her head or hurting as a mom of the disappointment it has left her other children. No, I am far from jealous now.

God gives us our stories. God gives us our victories in the right time for them. God gives us our break through, when we are ready to see Him as the One who is able. God knows what we can handle, and knows what exactly we need to learn to equip us on the journey He has us on. God loves us. God protects us. God knows us better than we know ourselves. And God knows the bigger picture!

The rush I am on to get a child into our home in the way of adoption, has been tilted off. I have discovered that God's ways are best. He knows what child should be in our home. He knows what family each orphan needs.  He is the perfect matchmaker.

I was also reminded from God, that He did not put "adoption" on my heart, but rather a little boy named Elijah on my heart. Ruth became the added bonus.   I'm not to pursue adoption. I'm not to pursue even Elijah and Ruth, as He has made it clear to let them go in His hands. What I have learned is that I am to pursue Him. So these past few weeks, as our posting has been non-existent, that is exactly what I've been doing. Pursuing Him. Finding Him. Finding Peace. Finding Love. Finding Protection. Finding a new passion in Him. If He puts another child on our hearts He'll show us. I can remain in confidence of that, as I am pursuing Him.

I have so much more to share of this journey I am on. But for now, I'll let you ponder these words. And give you your own chance to pursue Him.

Time for a Get-Away

2011-02-11T13:13:00.000-07:00

There is always a time when one needs to get-away. With the adoption journey we have been on, and the emotions of letting go, and the strong desire to reclaim our lives we took some time-out to do just that: reclaim our family life. And what a better place to do it in, then Disneyland!

WE ARE SO PROUD!!!!!

2011-01-10T14:47:00.001-07:00

We know our daughter, Lindsay's, talent. We've seen it all along...I even felt it in my womb. There are those times when others take notice, which confirms what we have seen all along - and it is those moments our buttons burst!

We received some exciting news this weekend. So exciting that our shirts are button less. News that makes all the lessons, time driving to and from, our financial investment all worth while....

Lindsay as been accepted into

Colorado's All State Band.

She is one out of one hundred and nine students who have been selected, representing one out of forty-eight schools. She is also the first all-state musician in Mead High's school history.

Yep...we are very proud!

Way, to go Lindsay. This is just the beginning of much more to come!

Another Christmas behind us...

2011-01-07T15:45:00.000-07:00

Our oldest counts the days down until Christmas, starting the day after Christmas and listens to Christmas music through out the year. Odd...perhaps, but I confess I remember doing the same thing when I was a teenager.

Christmas is an event we hold dear to our hearts. It's not about the fun of presents, but I think it is safe to say that we all look forward to seeing what is wrapped under the tree. We look forward to my parents visit, as we don't get to see them enough. We look forward to extra family time together. But most of all, we look to take something new about Jesus away with us. Christmas is full of anticipation.

This year, being the timing of Christmas and New Years and the trees we had up were so dead, we needed to take the decorations down earlier than normal. I've felt shorted - even though my house is clear and clean. But one thing I have noticed is that I haven't put my Christmas music away yet. I'm still listening, still celebrating and still worshipping the greatest gift ever given. I also notice our blog remains in the Christmas attire.

My heart is too moved this year with the celebration of my Emmanuel. I'm not ready to put those last few things away. So perhaps I'm going back to my teenage years, or letting my oldest lead me ... I may just be listening to the sound of Christmas all year round.

And just in case you are wondering ...

there are 351 days until Christmas!

The girls with Nana and Grandpa...an awesome time we all had!

Duane opening his present from all his girls. A Hawaiian style Dodgers shirt, with baseball buttons!

Our little chef, equipped with a dog apron and a dog treat recipe book. Judah is so happy!

Katie surprised and happy to see her Uggs that Nana got for her. (We haven't seen her feet since!)

Lindsay with her new coat she never thought she'd find.

For Christmas this year, we took my parents to the mountain for a sleigh ride. It was a beautiful day!

It didn't take long before my mom was in the driver's seat!

And a sleigh ride equipped with roasting marshmallows and hot chocolate! It can't get any better!

Jesus 90 Days with the One and Only

2011-01-06T13:51:00.000-07:00

My quiet times are just that quiet and mine. I share with you somethings that God reveals during these times, but for the most time I keep these times to myself.

I am in a woman's Bible study at our church, and during the crazy Christmas season we usually take a month long break...closer to a month and a half this year. We also take a break during the summer months. I understand these breaks, as it is hard to commit when family vacations, traditions, visitors and the holiday themselves interrupt. However, I don't like taking a break. But this year was different ...

This year I decided it wasn't up for our church to feed me...help me, perhaps. But they aren't to spoon feed me at all. I was hungry for more...who said that it had to be through someone or something else? So I pulled a book off the shelf that I have been looking for the right time to do and pulled it into my quiet time.

I highly encourage Jesus 90 Days with the One and Only. Perhaps it even helps that our sermon series for the past few months has been on Jesus and this just intensifies what I am reading, or that the timing of when I picked up this book was during Advent when we focused on the Baby born in the manger, which is where the devotions begin. Beth Moore is the author. And I know that she speaks so well to us women, but this book I recommend for you men too. Don't have time? It has taken me 15-20 minutes each morning...and it is the best part of my day!

Two days ago, I was reading my devotion and seeing the answers to her questions I had written. That day was focused on Luke 5:1-11. Beth had a different take on this passage then I have heard in past. One of the questions she posed was "Think about the subtle differences between working "for" Jesus and working "with" Him. What does working "with" Jesus look like in real life?

Hmmm, it got me thinking and questioning what I do and when I do them. Do I do them "for" Him or "with" Him? Beth's points were

Christ knows more about our jobs than we do.
Christ honors our submission even when our only motivation is obedience.
The same job subjected to Christ's authority can yield entirely different results.
Christ's willingness to empower us can overwhelm us.

Maybe it is because it is a New Year. I don't think about resolutions, but anticipate what is going to come in the New Year. And God has shown me there are some things that needed to be changed back in our home to bring peace.

Yesterday the girls went back to school. I went back to making the girls their breakfasts and lunches. I also went back to praying over them at the breakfast table. And let's not forget...the first day back of home schooling Courtney. I also longed to keep my quiet times, as I feel so much stronger with them.

Before my foot hit the floor, I prayed that Jesus would be "with" me, and we could get the responsibilities of the household done together. And do you know what I experienced?

My girls starting their days with a calmness they haven't experienced in quite some time.

A unity that brought everyone together.

A hunger to continue to read the Bible in my quiet time, even though the clock kept ticking away reminding me that there was a lot to do.

I found more time in the day than I ever had before.

I found a new appreciation as the girls have for me as I brought our old ways back.

I have found peace.

The girls felt encouraged and loved.

So I encourage you today...are you allowing Jesus to work "with" you, or are you simply working "for" Him? The load is much lighter with His help. And the amazing thing of it all is...He can do it all by Himself, but chooses for us to take the journey with Him!

And today ... I get to share with you, because my day's responsibilities have been done. Thank you Jesus, lets do this again tomorrow!

From Our House to Yours

2010-12-25T12:19:00.001-07:00

We wish you a very Merry Christmas!

May the Prince of Peace fill your lives!

Delayed Beginning

2010-12-15T10:35:00.000-07:00

We have been hussling. Being that Duane and I are both throwers and don't like to keep anything that we know we aren't going to be using, we wonder how we have a daughter that keeps everything! It also happens to be the daughter that will be sharing her room with two other girls. Needless to say, we have been doing a LOT of throwing out and have filled the garbage. May I also add that she isn't my most organized child, and puts anything anywhere ... surprised to say, it has taken me four full days to go through her room!

My parents are coming next week too. We are always excited this time of year, for it is the time they come here and we get them all to ourselves. But my house is totally not ready!

My carpets are going to be cleaned on Friday...a totally welcomed gift! But may I remind you of all that needs to be done, in order for that cleaning? I think I have decided to take everything out of my one daugher's room because of the lack of cleanliness.

We received a call yesterday that it looks like our new additions will not be joining us for Christmas. We are a bit sad, because everyone should be home for Christmas. However, when I see all the details I would like done before a new chaos enters our home this is a welcomed gift.

It appears we need to take a class, have first-aid and CPR, and get more fingerprints done ... then they can come. So in the midst of craziness in our home, we have more to do to bring these kids in. And we will do it, because God is our strength.

Puerto Rico Trip

2010-12-11T10:20:00.000-07:00

Love His Children

2010-12-03T10:07:00.001-07:00

I confess I'm a detailed person, and I guard my heart like most. When I do completely surrender everything to God I find a new enjoyment in life. BUT there always seems to be some point I start asking questions through a panic state and then try to work out the details.

I'm at that point.

What I didn't mention yesterday was the time table of everything. I'm on vacation for a week. I will also only have one week to get ready: organizing rooms, setting up beds and Christmas shop. It can be done - but it's going to take a lot of effort.

During my time of preparing, planning and working out details, I heard my doubt question "What if this doesn't work out, and these kids don't stay?".

First, I remembered sitting in my pastor's office seeking his counsel. His advise for me was to learn to recognize this voice and cast it off. So that is what I did. And then I turned that very question back to God.

You know what He told me? "To love His children and He'll take care of the details."

So that is what I'll do. I don't know the outcome, and I don't know what the details look like but I do know that I can love as He continues to love me.

When I vision these new additions in our home ... I know that our schedules will be more than full, the dinner table will be full, the house will be full and the car will be at it's maximum capacity ... and our hearts will be overfilled with love. We look forward to following this adventure we are on.

THE Call

2010-12-02T05:35:00.000-07:00

Today was a bad morning...extremly bad. I didn't have a nice thing to say to anyone, I'm ashamed to say. The girls seem not to be making wise choices. There is always one day like this when one parent is away. I'm exhausted, as I am trying to do all the day to day stuff as well as getting ready to make my get-a-way. The stress of it all isn't becoming on me this morning. This just isn't a good morning.

Apparently the phone rang, because there is a message.

It's our social worker.

Apparently there are some children in the Colorado system who are in need of permanent home as of yesterday.

After consulting Duane - I called.

I can't explain the knowing we have that these kids belong with us, but there is that knowing. So many things have simply worked out. Too many things I was hearing and sensing....all making sense now that it is exposed.

God's timing is perfect. As we weren't excited about the timing of Duane's trip, but find that this is to be a perfect gift to be able to get restored and energized as we try to juggle a new transition in our home.

We have let go, and we can finally breathe again. We have allowed God's leadership on this journey once again.

We casted our net. We caught more than our fill, for God has abundantly filled it.

We are standing up to this calling, and I am doing it scared - but the odd thing is - I have found an over abundance of peace that fill both of us instead.

And as for our evidence of our double portion ...we are going from three kids to six. Yes, that's right...three more kids are coming into our home!

This is the craziest ride we've been on with God. But we're enjoying the ride!

We received an email from our social worker that said "Karen, I never get calls about children waiting in the foster care system. The call came to me at my agency in __. It was just so weird and out of the blue. Very interesting!"

We think it is ... very God!

Our Double Portion

2010-12-01T20:19:00.000-07:00

Instead of their shame my people will receive a double portion,

and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance;

and so they will inherit a double portion in their land,

and everlasting joy will be theirs.

Isaiah 61:7

There has been an awesome out pouring of God on our church these past couple of years. We have been privileged to hear so many healings, so many encounters of God and many, many miracles - and all unique and different from the one before. Our family has each experienced God's healing ourselves at different times and in different areas. We are grateful.

When our senior pastor retired, and our new pastor stepped up to the role, the double portion (like Elijah to Elisha) was passed to the new pastor, who in turn did not keep it to himself but yet shared it with each person in the congregation. As he prayed over each person - young and old, we all sought something - I sought the gift of prophesy and a deeper belonging with God. It was my heart's cry to be exactly where God wanted me, and I longed to see His favor.

I can't say I have seen tangible evidence of my double portion. Yet peace remains. And favor upon me rests. But I do confess I'd like to see tangible evidence.

Beth Moore read the above verse during our study. Something stirred within me. Will I finally see the evidence I have longed for? Only time will tell.

Do It Scared!

2010-12-01T17:01:00.002-07:00

Duane and I continue to see things differently. He believes a child is coming here locally and I still believe he/she is coming from Africa. However, I question if my belief is because my heart is still in Africa and it's just too wrapped up in the passion for this continent.

I have contacted social workers about kids in our American system, only to receive letters of rejections because we aren't the best matched family - at least by what the paperwork shows them.

As I continued to look into these foster-adopt kids, my heart breaks for them. All these kids are in the system because of somesort of abuse, neglect or parents choosing drugs and alcohol over their own. My heart went out to them. But may I remind you, that I have three girls that I must protect. Through all these rejection letters, and the evidence why we aren't the best matched family I have become very scared. My heart is full of compassion for these kids, but fear of the after affects of what these kids have gone through just keep me more than an arm's length away.

"Do it scared!" is what I am reminded - and more than once.

I remember a specific lesson in my Beth Moore study. We were studying Our Inheritance - how we are heirs of God and co-heirs of Christ. She said that we must press through fear to possess our land of promise (which is what God's calling on our lives). She also states that there will always be a river of fear seperating us from that promised land. The calling we have is something we're afraid of. She challenged us to press through that fear - do it scared! It is through the process of pressing on, fear will be removed.

The list goes on why all these kids are in the foster system - all the reasons that scared me. Please tell me this isn't my calling! I reminded God - "do You remember my heart for Africa that you gave me?" I know the kids there have issues too, such as abandonment and neglect - but "please God don't call me somewhere else!"

However, the evidence shows us the bottom line - emails of rejections keep coming in. Not only are we continually rejected, but continue to see the many many labels our society puts on these kids. These labels just cause me to second guess our pursuit for adoption.

We keep hitting closed doors - this journey we are on, just seems pointless.

Cast your Net!

2010-12-01T16:31:00.001-07:00

Afterward Jesus appeared again to his disciples, by the Sea of Tiberias. It happened this way: Simon Peter, Thomas (called Didymus), Nathanael from Cana in Galilee, the sons of Zebedee, and two other disciples were together. "I'm going out to fish," Simon Peter told them, and they said, "We'll go with you." So they went out and got into the boat, but that night they caught nothing.

Early in the morning, Jesus stood on the shore, but the discipes did not realize that it was Jesus.

He called out to them, "Friends, haven't you any fish?"

"No," they answered.

He said, "Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some." When they did, they were unable to haul the net in because of the large number of fish.

John 21 1-6

During the same time God was asking me to let go, I continued seeking God for answers to some pretty tough questions. I had been wondering why I must carry this burden for adoption and even wondered if my desire for adoption was simply mine or if it was God's. And beyond all these questions I looked at all this paperwork we have invested in and pleaded with God "please don't let it go to waste".

"Cast your net", God said to me.

I didn't understand this command God was telling me. Did I hear Him right? If so, what does it mean? And so I have been "camping out" on this passage, and the scriptures that follow for the past couple of weeks. I was seeking what God was trying to tell me.

Through much prayer and process of letting go, we "casted our net" by simply telling every contact we had (that has to do with adoption) about our journey and that we are paper ready.I appreciate our church and the pastors there. As I sought counsel from one of our pastors, God showed up.

I remember my pastor telling me that he believed we weren't going to spend one more dime for our adoption. My spirit stirred. But my mind couldnt' grasp it. I remained in confusion. However, no matter what state my mind was in, my pastor confimed something in my heart: that adoption was the heart of God's and He has given us this burden.

We were currently casting our net looking into Colorado foster/adopt kids, other state foster/adopt kids, Ethiopia and Ugandan children. These were all our connections. and we were lost as to the direction we were to go.

Eithiopia was the most promising in my eyes - as our home study agency were extremly supportive and willing to give us grants. We continued to run into closed doors with the Colorado and other state foster/adopt kids. Duane sensed we were to seek here and I believed Africa was still our direction.

I continued to ponder the passages in John, and what stood out to me is that the net was so full they couldn't bring it into the boat. There was more than enough.

As we were decorating and making preparations on Thanksgiving weekend, I had a knowing in my spirit: there was going to be a rush for whaterver child comes into our home - whether it's Elijah or another. It just didn't make sense...

Letting Go

2010-11-30T18:02:00.001-07:00

Letting Go. Action words. And two words that can be so hard to do. Two words that can take on different meanings to so many people. And two words God has been asking me to do latly.

Sometimes we don't see the gloom or the heaviness we are under until we are able to get out from under it and see behind us. And I believe that is where we are at.

Many of you have been following our adoption journey. You have lifted us faithfully in prayer and have rooted us on. You have literally kept us on our feet when we couldn't stand anymore. For all you have done ... thank you!

We saw some dates quickly approaching ( renewing of immigration fingerprints, home study renewal and immigration paperwork renewal) - all coming due, and with a hefty cost for each of them. The cry of our hearts is to be faithful to our Faithful One. Seeing these dates, and having the desire of our heart brought conflict and fear within me. It has drained me and has brought a differenet kind of tiredness I have never experienced before.

I questioned God: why me?, what must I do to received a break through?, and what have I done to receive this punishment?. I am thankful God is big enough for these tough questions. With these questions I was left with pain and hurt. And a pain I knew too only God could heal.

Images of the vision I had that started this journey came to mind. Reminders of clear answers to prayers came to mind. And with all these reminders and with all my emotions I confess I don't understand it all. And I guess that is where this has started. I have recognized my mind can't even fathom Gods'. His ways aren't always mine, no matter how much I try. He is much greater!

Bottom line is God was literallly going to provide us the finances or we were going to have to "let go" (as He has been telling me). Finances didn't come in. My fingers started loosening from this grip I have had on this journey...but still didn't want to let go...not yet.

I explained to God I have so many people watching us. I have so many people praying and supporting us and that many more doubting and even cursing our journey. I wanted to show them He triumphed over all this. Pride was getting in my way. I didn't want to let any of you down. My focus was filtered along the way. I must live for God ... no anyone else! Recongnizing this pride loosened more of my already loosened fingers.

Even though my mind was hearing and recognizing this hard place I was in with God, I couldn't allow my heart to experience the pain with it all. My heart already hurt, and I didn't want to feel anymore of what I already have. I was afraid of the pain - for I knew it was going to be so great that I might not even be able to ever breathe again.

I believe nothing is left to chance. God knows who or what will cross our paths, and allows those things to come our way. And makes everything good.

I am facebook friends with someone in Liberia. Someone who is pretty close to the adoption situation there. Someone who calls me "Sister Karen". Someone who stands in Christ and yet is so very much a part of his country. I was talking to him about ideas of how to better his country, and it was through this conversation adoption came up. It was then crystal clear - adoption wasn't going to be moving anytime soon - if at all. Corruption is ruling this country. Also the minds of every Liberian person was going to have to change. Simply, I can't do it. Only God can.

With all the strength I had left I lifted my opened hands and let go of Elijah and Ruth into Gods'. We weren't going to renew any paperwork, unless God clearly said to. When Elijah and Ruth are able to come home it is then we'll reinstate our paperwork. But now we let them go.

With feet still dragging I emailed our agency and told them our situation. Surprisingly, they supported us 100% and offered us so much kindness, support and understanding. There was peace.

My heart still remained broken. The pain has been overwhelming. I still questioned and longed for understanding. Today with the strength and humiliation I had left, I sought counsel from our pastor. My heart was grieving and I was lost. Words that were said confirmed convictions I have experienced in the past and stirred something in my soul. It isn't until later I will see the fruit of that stirring. Questions I was asking God were dealt with and healing began in that office.

But today that is where we stand - fully surrendered to the Only One we rest in. I have let go of something I have passionatly held onto with a very firm grip and given it to the One who is able. I can't say I understand this journey we have been on. But I also rest that I don't have to. I also can't say that my heart has stopped hurting - but it's still beating. But I do seek comfort by my Healer and I'll continue to walk this journey with Him.

This adoption is all His. Elijah and Ruth are His. And so am I.

An Unsuspecting Gift!

2010-11-29T17:51:00.001-07:00

It was just about two weeks ago we found out Duane has been asked to travel to Puerto Rico for business. This is actually a huge honor for him. He, along with about a dozen others (worldwide), have been asked to come and take this calss. He was the only one asked from Colorado. He is honored and excited to take the class, but he never enjoys the time away from his family.

I wasn't excited about the timing of this trip, as he left today. However, I am excited for him.

My cup seems so dry these days. There seems to be a huge burden on me, one I can't seem to escape from. I feel all used up with nothing left to give. It seems I have someone constantly next to me, all the time. I even experience guilt (which is not of God) as I long for just one moment of peace and quiet. My quiet times have been removed from my schedule and replaced with more things to do. My plate is full ... and I feel so empty.

Duane saw the place I have been in. He wanted to give to me, nurture me and replenish everything that has been taken from me.

He booked me a ticket and I leave on Friday to join him in Puerto Rico! I get to have a full weekend with my husband, of uninterupted time with just him! And then five full week days of solitude with only my Father to reconnect and draw close.

Duane and I are very excited!

The Christmas Season is Here!

2010-11-26T17:30:00.003-07:00

The season is officially amoung us. This is the day for turkey sandwiches as we hunt for the perfect trees. Final touches are in place outside our home as Duane makes sure each lightbulb is in its place and the Christmas cut outs (I have had since a little girl) are perfectly placed. This weekend the trees will be strung with lights, then decorated with ornaments that remind us of times past. The house will be filled with decorations to remind us of the season we are in. Yes! The season has officially arrived!

As I prepare for our family traditions and the coming of my Savior's birth, I also prepare my heart to fully welcome His coming. I never want the coming of Christmas to be the same as the years past, or even miss it; but rather I want to experience His coming in a whole new way. And that is my prayer for you. May this Christmas season bring you a whole new experience of the birth of our Savior, the birth of the Greatest King ever known. And as your prepare for your own traditions, may God stir something new in you too so you'll be ready for the MOST incredibile gift.

We Give Thanks

2010-11-25T17:18:00.009-07:00

Thanks be to God for HIs indescribable gift!

2 Corinthians 9:15

I am thankful for Thanksgiving! I am thankful for the days leading up to Thanksgiving that we spend just getting ready to be thankful. I am thankful for the time set aside to be thankful. I am thankful for family and friends who surround the Thanksgiving table as we all give thanks.

I couldn't imagine giving thanks without knowing the One to give thanks to,.

I also couldn't imagine starting our Advent without Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving sets our hearts, reminds our minds of all the things God has given us and humbles our spirit. It sets the stage as we anticipate the coming of our KIng.

This Thanksgiving our famiy shared each of their favorite scriptures and gave thanks to the One who has touched us according to the words read. We are thankful for His word.

This year I am thankful. I am thankful for His outpouring of blessings, for family and friends, and for His continued provisions. I am thankful for the One I have to be thankful to, for the best Book ever written and the day itself to set aside and give Him thanks.

Happy Birthday Dad!

2010-11-18T17:18:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is my dad's birthday. I wish we were closer so we can spend some time together - laughing and being silly - the things we do best. I spent some time reminiscing yesterday.

I was brought up as an only child (except in the summers). Most children have their siblings to get into trouble with. To wrestle with. To watch scary movies with. To laugh with. And just simply see what lies around the corner with. Most people have their siblings. I had my Dad.

I remember getting in trouble WITH my Dad because we were so loud wrestling on the family room floor. I remember being at a nice dinner at friends houses, and us having to NOT look at each other knowing we would bust out laughing and get in trouble for it.

I remember my Dad having a routine when he came home of putting his lunch box away in the kitchen closet. I hid myself in there, and scared him to DEATH when he came home.

My Mom often thought she had two children. She reminds me that I grew up and moved out. He still remains. What she doesn't say, but is known ... the laughter and joy my Dad brings is treasured.

But out of all my fond memories, at this time of year I remember one above the rest.

The rule at our home was whoever got

tp'd, had to clean it up. I often had to clean up our yard ... very often. My Dad stood and laughed.

Dad's birthday lied around the corner. Plans were made. My friends and I took a hundred or so rolls of toilet paper and tp'd my own house. It wasn't just any ordinary job for any ordinary man ... we had to make it memorable for the man he is. We wrapped the toilet paper around each rod iron post. We wrapped the trees. I shredded the toilet paper to say "Happy Birthday Dad" in the lawn ... and sprinkled it down with water. (Yes, knowing it would make clean-up even that much harder). I stayed up way late that night. You see, my Dad is worth it!

My Dad was extremely surprised. And even more surprised when I reminded him of the house rule ... and Mom backed me up.

It was a great birthday present!

So Dad, consider yourself lucky to be living so far away. I still remember how to tp and I have three girls who would LOVE to learn! Have a Happy Birthday!

Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow ...

2010-11-03T11:15:00.001-06:00

"This is the day the Lord has made and I WILL rejoice and be glad in it!"

Our family is sad today. We have to put our beloved rabbit down. We just had to do the same thing with our dog four months ago, so the wounds aren't healed quite yet. Today my heart is full - sorrow for my own loss, sorrow as I watch my children walk through this, and sorrow as I remember.

Daisy was brought into our home to be part of the kindergarten class when Katie's teacher's rabbit died. Katie missed the classroom pet and had it on her heart to replace hers. Mrs. Nass was "generous" to ask that we keep him. This led to carrying Daisy back and forth to kindergarten for two years.

Daisy loved kids. Loved attention. Loved vegetables over his "real" food. Loved banana chips best of all! He loved to chase Lindsay's cat, which brought much entertainment.

Daisy moved with us from California to Colorado. We took him out at every rest area to hop around. He drew a crowd everywhere we went. Daisy was a great rabbit.

Today I not only remember everything about this rabbit, but I can't help but remember the last ten years when my girls were younger than they are now.

You see I remember my middle child, 5 years old, with a heart of wonder. She approached everything wide-eyed and full of excitement. I remember the excitement of three little girls who were so excited of a rabbit for a pet. I remember them discovering new things. I remember our girls learning what responsibilities were. I remember them learning how to share, yet how to protect at the same time. I look back when Daisy came into our lives and see girls full of innocence, tenderness and wonder.

I look to the day that is ahead - a time of sorrow today and adventure for tomorrow, and still see the children they were. Today I see older children that aren't little anymore, and even taller than me. I see their hearts that have been wounded by trials and hurts that have come their way. I see tears running down their faces. I see memories getting farther away from me ... and yet I stand and can see new beginnings.

So perhaps this day is full of sadness because of the loss we are enduring, as we loved that bunny so. I look through my own tears, and not only remember a bunny. But I remember the babies we once had. I long to just go back and embrace those moments. I long for time to stand still for just a moment.

But time doesn't stand still. It moves on. Today we will bury our friend, our family member. They will learn to stand with Jesus more and experience how He will overcome their sadness and whatever other trials that lie ahead. Today as I kiss their tears away, I will remember the innocence, tenderness and wonder they once held of years ago, and I will kiss the same little girls I held onto ten years ago - just bigger in size, and I will be kissing the memories that are yet to come.

Wondering...

2010-10-29T10:36:00.000-06:00

"When will it be our turn?" A constant question that comes to mind more lately.

We get the privilege of congratulating many of our friends on the pregnancy and births of their babies. Some of our friends we have been able to congratulate duplicate and multiple times since we started our journey to adopt. Truly, I am so happy for my friends. To see their joy on their faces, the excitement as they embark on a new adventure is truly a joy to see and watch. A new journey has begun for all of them. I can honestly say, parenting becomes them very, very well!

We have watched others build their family through adoption. There story of the adoption journey has ended, and a new journey has just begun. It is exciting to hear the joys they experiences.

Can I be honest with you? Can I just say, we desperately want our next journey to begin too! I think of Lindsay's last year and a half at home, and Katie and Courtney still in a age where they are available, before the craziness of high school life begins.

But then I remind myself ... God's time is perfect. So I wait. I wait with the Lord.

I watch as others experience the first smiles, first steps, first school days, birthdays and holidays ... and I can't help but wonder. What will it be like? What will it be like to take Elijah to his first baseball game? What will it be like to have our first tea party with Ruthie? What favorite meals are they going to request at dinner time? I can't help but wonder.

I was asked the other day, if our dog is to replace the kids we are waiting for. Just in case you are wondering the same thing ... no he isn't. We don't replace kids with dogs. There is a clear difference for us. Sometimes I wonder, as people watch us and wonder, if we are to just stop living until the day arrives. I don't believe that is what God wants for us. We are to continue living.

So that is what we will continue to do ... to live our life as God leads. But I will be honest ... I still will wonder ...

Dilemmas ....

2010-10-26T13:15:00.000-06:00

On one hand it has been nice to not have hair to sweep up after, and vacuum up. It has been nice to not have messes in the back yard to have to pick up. It has been nice to just pick up and go, and not have to worry about who is going to watch the dog. It has been less to care for in our finances.

But on the other hand....

There is a sense of security having a dog around. There has been something missing out of our lives. Life just seems too empty.

But do we rescue an older but young dog or start off from the beginning ...

I have always had a soft heart for those older dogs that just hope for a home to go to. They deserve a home just like the little ones. I don't have to deal with house training. I don't have to deal with getting up in the middle of the night. I don't have to enter a world I have NEVER done before.

But on the other hand...

A puppy would be trained the way we want. There would be less history (aka: trauma) that comes into our home. There are five of us to help out.

And the decision is - meet the newest addition to the Archibald Home. As of last night, it has been decided that his name will be Judah!

Convicted

2010-10-21T10:21:00.000-06:00

Loveland (the town a half hour up the interstate and where our church is) has been in the news latly. You may have heard. Actually, it was the Loveland Art Museum specifically that has been in the news.

To make a long story short, there was a piece of artwork most would see as pornographic and the man in the picture resembled Jesus. Supposedly. However as our pastor said "It wasn't my Jesus.". I know who Jesus is...and I agree. It wasn't my Jesus.

Anyway, a woman drove down from Montana - offended of the piece of art and destroyed it.

To see/hear more of the story from our pastor perspective I will have links at the bottom of the page. But be warned...you WILL experience what God's love is all about and it may just change your life, as it did mine!

I was moved to tears as I heard how to respond in love. Our pastor acted in obedience to God's word. It got me looking at my life, and if there was anyone I needed to give love to.

This is my prayer.

Oh God, the other night at church I experienced the love you have for all of your children, and even saw how you call us to love one another. I was truly overwhelmed. Your love is so overwhelming. And yet, we are called to give this overwhelming love away, not just hold onto it. So with that I will do what you have called me to do.

So I come to you this morning, I come to you thinking more about Elijah and Ruthie. But today I am thinking beyond the love for these kids. I am thinking of the Liberian government - their president, Geebro, Lydia and our US embassy person; Steve Harper, to be precise.

I confess you you I have judged them. I have wanted them to be removed as they continue to stand in the way of me and my children. I have hated them. I have not loved them as you have called me to. I have seen them as evil, cold-hearted, not a follower of you, corrupt, selfish and uncaring. I have put my love for my kids over them. I have never given them a chance to be heard. I have cut them off and believed that my way was the truth and was the only way to be seen. It was the best scenario for our situation. I also haven't allowed your love to rule over this situation, as I have never known you the way I know you today. I confess I never saw your love as enough. I am so sorry for condemning you - and your children. I am sorry I have put you in a box. I'm truly sorry. And I'm sorry I have allowed it to harden my heart - the heart you created to be used by You.

Today it stops!

I know you are getting ready to do great things with Elijah and Ruth, but today I take my eyes of what I want and on your people - who are your heart.

I pray for your blessings to shower upon the Liberian president, upon Geebro, Lydia and Steve Harper. I pray they too will see you more today as I have. I pray that they will be blessed beyond measure and will simply just know you. I pray for protection over them and their families. I pray they won't be hungry as you continue to provide for their every need. I pray their hearts are heard and peace fills their lives. I pray they experience joy and a full knowing and experience that they are so loved my you. May they see your hand upon them. I pray they too will celebrate the salvation they have or can have through you. Thank you for their lives. Thank you that you can use them and allow Your goodness to shine through them all.

I will continue to faithfully pray for these people. Thank you for changing my heart and allowing your love to shine through. I give you praise through this healing. Amen!!!

To hear our pastor's response to the artist watch the sermon found on these links:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W7qmbf5kgB0&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_N4-c6Kg2k&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W7qmbf5kgB0&feature=related

Thanksgiving Came Early This Year

2010-10-19T19:33:00.000-06:00

I never saw myself "qualified" to home school. I just didn't see myself as a great teacher. I also didn't see myself as full of knowledge when it comes to household responsibilities. Yes, I love my husband and my kids and feel adequate enough to take care of them. Yes, I am thrilled when my house is clean, and do what I can to keep it that way. Yes, I am capable to drive my kids to and fro, and even can manage all five of our schedules. Yes, I can cook and am even able to keep our books. But I still wouldn't look at myself and see that I'm one of those home school moms and be able to teach my child all about keeping a home.

Perhaps I sell myself short...but I find every day I have so much more to learn. Perhaps, that is where one needs to be so God could begin to start.

One of the adventures of living in Colorado is how we truly have four seasons. However, fall seems to be short as winter is knocking at the back door. We enjoy the colors of fall. Last week we had warnings that our first frost was coming. And with that ... we looked at our garden and saw there were still vegetables and work to be done! God has given us so much and we couldn't let it go to waste.

Courtney and I worked hard last Wednesday. She picked and I prepared for either refrigerating or freezing. We worked hard. And enjoyed it. This was the first year I truly had a heart of celebration and thanksgiving as I saw everything God had done.

And then we remembered.

We remembered the Puritans that we were just studying about. How more than half of them died in their first winter. We were exhausted with the little garden we had, and thought of the countless acreage they had to plant in order to prepare for their winters. We talked and imagined. Great conversations came from our work. We remembered how the Puritans left the land they new to be able to come and worship freely. They were called by God, and they went.

And then we wondered.

Where would we be today if they allowed fear to stop them?

Do you remember what was happening last Wednesday?

God freed 33 miners from the depth of the earth! We took the time and watched history. I wept through each celebration of freedom. We both thanked God. Courtney wrote a paper, imagining how she would see the world after being pronounced dead and then being trapped in what could be a grave for months. She saw how we should live each day as if its our last.

I was reminded of something else the Holy Spirit laid on my heart.

Proverbs 31. Courtney was learning how to be a woman of God.

And then I realized that last Wednesday we celebrated the bounty of what God has provided. We celebrated the gift of life and freedom of 33 miners. And we were reminded of our call as women in Christ.

We celebrated last Wednesday. We gave thanks. And we spent the day with God.

We learned more than what we could get out of a text book. And boy did we learn!

So whether I feel adequate or not, God called me and I will answer. And I trust He will lay our paths straight...we'll just follow His leading! And that is the beauty of home schooling!!!

September, Where did you go?

2010-10-05T12:28:00.000-06:00

I captured our September through pictures...you'll see why things have been quiet on our blog. I will be talking to you soon!!! (Don't forget to turn the music off at the bottom of the blog page!)

Three Years Today

2010-08-31T16:07:00.016-06:00

I never would have thought I would marking this as an anniversary...but it has turned into one. We thought we would be a family of seven by now ... not just in our hearts but physically as well. We continue to rest on God's timing and the knowing it is perfect. But believe me, we have tried and continue trying for God's mind to be set to sooner rather than any later.

How does one celebrate this day? How do we mark this day, and one full of thanksgiving and joy not one of doom and gloom?

My husband stayed home today. It wasn't something planned, but he knew he needed to be with me today. Not just for this day, but just because. We went to the pastor's weekly meeting today and they prayed over our situation and over us. Today we remember that three years ago, God laid a little boy on our hearts and we obeyed His prompting and we committed to him. Three years ago, God changed our lives. Even though our arms continue to be empty, we are grateful for the faith God has increased in our lives and the strength, peace and protection He continues to provide.

So yes, today is three years our family hasn't been complete (at least physically). But more importantly three years ago our family has been in the palm of God's hands on a hard journey and it has been only Him that has carried us through. We are forever grateful!

(Don't forget to turn the music off at the bottom of our blog page!)

One door closed, and Another Opened

2010-08-25T08:40:00.000-06:00

A new year has begun. Changes have been made. God closed one door and opened another. Even though it was hard to leave the school we grew accustomed to, we welcomed a life God has called us too. It is amazing...when God calls us to change, how much peace He provides. With that peace, has come a reassurance that my girls are walking right where God wants them to be, and with that calling comes an anointing on the pathway they are on.

I have posted several times about loneliness and still not feeling home here in Colorado. I have accepted this state as home, but I still couldn't find my "niche" - somewhere I could fit in and call mine. We have lived here for 4 years now, and for the first time since our move I have embraced our home completely and feel like I am "home". What did it take?

Not having to travel 25 miles up the interstate to the girl's school, which took at least 2 hours away from life here at home each day. With the commute, and the demands of the previous school we never were part of our community. When God closed the door for us to attend another year at the previous school, it hurt - but there was peace. Now we have neighborhood kids coming in and out of our home constantly (which has added to our grocery bill). The girls are meeting new friends in their own neighborhood that makes getting them to and from each other's home much more manageable. They are sharing Jesus with their new friends. Duane is able to be part of their lives, whether it is going to their activities at school or just simply driving them to and from school. I have met other children who just need a person to talk to and I have had the opportunity to listen. I have much more time to get things done at home (well, this year home schooling Courtney). I get to meet other moms in our neighborhood. And the best part of it all is we get to me more involved in our church, because the previous school isn't pulling our time away and our family is not being pulled apart anymore.

We are finally home, because God simply closed the door for us to go to the private school and opened the door for them to attend the public schools that is 2 and 5 miles from our home. Life is good all because God closed a door and opened another.

First week of school - Lindsay is at a brand new school. She will be the first graduating class from her new school. She is loving it, and all the music classes she is able to take.

We never thought we would send her on the bus for the 2 miles drive. But in order for her to find some friends we sent her on the bus. She catches it right across the street from us, and just as planned: making friends.

Katie loves school. She is very social, and just as we knew...she has made many friends. She is starting volleyball this year, to keep her busy. She is already finding out who likes who and coming along those who need a listening ear. She is finding that she is able to be Jesus, and the bonus: her volleyball coach goes to our church. Who would have thought?!?

Courtney is being home schooled for 7th grade. She is our home body, and we allowed her to make her decision. We are struggling in how to get the housework done while doing schooling, but other than finding how to juggle it all we are both enjoying learning.

God is good and all the time!!!

The Old is Gone - Today I am Made New

2010-08-16T02:53:00.000-06:00

I can't sleep tonight because today was such an awesome day. It was one of those days I had least expected ... a matter of fact, it didn't go according to my plan what so ever (otherwise I wouldn't have worn white).

I love going to church. It isn't because of the act of going, but rather because I love to come and see what exactly God has either to confirm to me, or teach me.  Last night I went to church and heard something I have been wrestling with for a long, long time and frankly didn't like it at all. It was "Jesus, the face of God".

I can't say that I really know how it begun. Some could say when my birth-father left, others otherwise. But all I can say is that somewhere along the line I have picked up so much shame and guilt, that I can not look anyone straight in the eye for very long. (This has even been an issue in our marriage.)  You see, I know I mess up so much, and I know I hurt so many, especially the ones I love. Doing so, I know I hurt God. I'm ashamed for it. Even though God doesn't rank one sin larger than another, I do and consider mine and carry shame. But through all my journey I just never considered God looking into my face with much admiration, but instead with shame. So somewhere along the line, I stopped looking.

I have seen God's feet, felt His hands, embraced by even His hug ... but never have dared to look into His face. I couldn't bear His shame. Not looking kept me safe.

So I wrestled with everything our pastor said. I struggled so much, that I even gave up. I decided that I would never be able to be closer than I am right now to God. Shame separated us.

I have carried so much shame and thoughts of God's disgust on me, that I believed I was the reason Elijah and Ruthie weren't here. I wasn't a good enough mom for the three I have, let alone for two that aren't biologically mine. I wasn't good enough at so many things that God probably thought best if they just didn't come home. The weight I was carrying was killing me.

Duane and Katie went to church this morning because they went to hike a 14er yesterday. Duane asked me if I wanted to go with them to church again this morning when I returned home from church last night. Normally I would love to go, but I knew I couldn't lift my face toward God or believe God could lovingly look at me so I declined.  I woke this morning with the same amount of shame and guilt I went to bed with last night. I also knew that if I wanted to have any time with Duane, I had to go to church with him this morning. My plans for the day couldn't happen until Katie was back home. So I went.

I wanted to praise as I usually do, and ignore what I knew was coming. But our pastor decided to switch things up a bit. He believed God wanted the worship to be a response to God's message.  I sat. I remembered. I remembered all the disappointments that caused so many people to turn their eyes away from me. I remembered all the people who have disappointed me.  But still, deep inside I longed to look into my Father's eyes and His into mine.

During worship, I extended my two hands to remove any shame and guilt I was carrying, so I could release it and at least try and get closer to God. And then I heard it. The pastor mentioned "that we are washed away from the guilt and shame, that we could come into His presence..." That is all it took. I knew what God was calling me to. I knew what I was to do.

I was out of my seat. I went to a pastor, I explained and asked.

Before long, I was sitting in the baptismal before hundreds of people and confessing I am ready for the old self of shame and guilt, and the orphan spirit I have held onto to be washed away because I want to see the face of God. The pastor reminded me that as God's daughter I was adopted into His family. Adopted - chosen. Then it was done. I was baptized, and all this junk was left in the water. Today God made me new.

Today for the first time - I can look into my Father's eyes and see Him looking back at me.

So tonight I'm not sleeping because I keep looking at the face of God and I marvel. I don't want to close my eyes for I've missed His face for so long. Tonight when I did attempt to close my eyes and sleep I heard the word "safe" loud and clear. Starting today I am now safe with my Father, I am exposed and vulnerable.  Today I am safe in the face of God ... Jesus.

I encourage you to listen to the message by going to the following link ... http://www.rez.org/flvplayer/ . (The message should be up in the next day or two.)

2010-08-11T18:42:00.000-06:00

Dear Liberia Government,

You may not know me by my picture. You may not know me by the paperwork you have. But I have been part of your life and you have been a huge part of mine for the past three years (as of August 30th). I have enjoyed learning about your country. I have enjoyed visiting your country and meeting your people. I have a deep respect and admiration for your country and for it's people. I have longed to come and visit again.

You and I have had some serious problems these past few months. I know I am from the United States, and time is at our fingertips. We just press buttons and have whatever we want instantly. Your country is different. When you have something else you would rather do you cancel meetings. When you would rather not deal with a matter you have a tendency to draw the matter out. I have defended you, for I know your ways aren't ours, as well as, ours aren't yours. I have respected both cultures.

As of three years ago, you and I will always be part of one another - wether we like it or not. You see, three years ago we agreed to obey a calling God laid on our hearts and add to our family by what was a two year old boy (back then). We weren't just welcoming this little boy into our home, but welcoming you as well. We strongly believe that our son was to know his roots that started in his country, as well as his birth parents. Since our commitment to our son, after we received his court decree (which states by your law that we are legally his parents) we have learned of his baby sister. We agreed to take her as well, knowing that each other is all that they have. Seperating them is unthinkable.

I have had much patience with you, because of the respect and understanding I have had with your culture, knowing it is different from ours. I confess to you that my patience is growing thin. You continue to set new "rules", yet not have anything in print and properlly through the legislation as your laws state. Each person in your government seems to have their own polices and ways of doing things. With this being said, I wonder if you are trying to get me so tired of the wait, or if you are testing if I will continue to be there for my children. I have news for you. I will wait. I will not give up - even though my respect for you is not as much as when we started.

I'm tired of your lies. You tell us that you don't have the paperwork - we have proof that you do. You tell our government that you can not proceed with adoptions until the president lifts the moratorium. Yet others have received their visas and have come home with their children. You say there is a moratorium, yet the President has never processed it legally and there is nothing in print. What your President says doesn't make things so.

It comes down to money. We have taken all of ours and obeyed our God and pursued our children. We have given more money to continue to care for our children, since your govenment won't. Your officials in your government will be happy to process all our paperwork for a "small fee", yet we won't do business that way. The funny thing is you are hurting yourself. Since money is of great importance to you, why not lift this "moritorium" and allow people to have a reason to travel to your country. Adoption will bring tourism to your country and will benefit your people. Since you obviously don't want to spend money on orphan care, and would choose to allow your children to starve, why not allow them to come to a place they can call home and get all the care they need.

We also hear you have had a fear. You fear that we will raise our children to respect and love the country that they came from, and this will bring them back to your country and possibly come into your government office and be even over you. Pride. Fear. It's not becoming, and gives you less respect from me and my people.

We also hear that you have tribal conflicts. We understand that. Your tribal conflicts is a lot like our racism. But you remain with a constant statement that you care for these children. Then why is it that some children that belong in a certain part of the country under a different tribe than your own are allowed to be forgotten and uncared for. Frankly, your actions are not living up to your statements. Lies - continued lies.

Frankly, Liberia I don't like you anymore. You are a country full of deceit, lies and corruption. If you say this is untrue, then I expect to see some changes in the very near future. And in spite of all this, I will continue to teach my children of your country and it's culture with understanding and respect.

Sincerly,
Karen Archibald

There Are No Words To Describe ...

2010-08-09T10:52:00.000-06:00

We have mixed emotions when we receive pictures of our kids. We love seeing them - seeing that they are still there waiting for us. But then we are torn that they are still there.

This time we received a letter in the mail a couple of days ago. It reduced us to tears.

California Fun

2010-08-09T10:36:00.000-06:00

Thank You Mom and Dad for a wonderful time in California. There is NEVER enough time. We can't wait to come back for another visit.

Freely you have received, freely give.

2010-07-19T16:20:00.001-06:00

There are times God lays things on my heart. I love to give; whether it being gifts, words of encouragement or even just time. However, the financial strain we have been has allowed Satan to come in and plant lies that I don't get to be part of God, because we can't afford it.

All I have to say is "HA!!!" as I have stomped on that devil's lie!!!

God has taken me on an adventure the past few weeks, and has shown me that the giving He has laid in my heart is from Him and has shown me exactly how to do it.

He gave me water to give a "cardboard traveler" in the hundred degree heat.

He gave me promptings to give financially to the missionaries, and a promise He will take care of the rest.

He gave me a heart to start serving at our church in a few different areas.

He continues to allow us to provide for the children we sponsor each month, and we get the joy of sharing our lives with them as we hear about their lives in another country.

He has given me relationships to pour into.

And for the past few months he has put two things on my heart, perhaps because it hits so closely to home. One of the things I have been doing once every month - that is donating platelets at Children's Hospital for the children their who are going through chemo. I get an opportunity during the two hour ordeal to pray over those platelets that leave my arm and get ready for someone else. That God will lift their burden and free them from their illness, that peace will flow through their veins and they will know the presence of God.

Today, I get to finally do that last thing He laid on my heart ....

donate my heart to Locks of Love!!!

Today I pray that once my hair is used for a hairpiece for someone who is battling a disease that is robbing them of their confidence and such that once the hair is placed on their head...God will use it and heal them, lift all financial strain and pour life into theirs.

God is good and has allowed me to be blessed in the all the giving. I pray for this adventure to continue.

Don't miss out, search God and find what He lays on your heart. Through Him He can do great things!!!

For those of you who would like to know more about giving platelets or donating your hair, please see the attached links, and please share your testimony!

http://www.locksoflove.org/donate.html
http://www.thechildrenshospital.org/give/blood/apheresis.aspx

No man should come before the Lord without a gift. Each of you must bring a gift that will show how much the Lord your God has blessed you.

Deuteronomy 16:16b-17

What I Miss...

2010-07-08T19:40:00.001-06:00

I miss the way you hold on to me as you call me "Mama".

I miss your smile and the way you laugh.

I miss holding you.

I miss you being my constant shadow.

I miss reading to you.

I miss taking care of you.

I miss watching you play with your cars and holding your doll.

I miss seeing you.

I miss watching you on your Daddy's shoulders and him giving you "horse rides".

I miss seeing you read the Bible with your Daddy.

I miss how quick you talk, and me trying to catch every word you say.

I miss hearing you sing "Yes, Lord, Yes Lord, Yes, yes, Lord!".

I miss hearing you sing with confidence knowing your Heavenly Father hears you.

I miss you pushing others away from me, so you may have me all to yourself.

I miss even your pout and crying to get your way.

I miss watching you as you talk to your Papa, and looking for him to come and get you.

I miss your call in the early morning hours.

I miss watching you learn your letters and how to write them, using your left hand.

I miss tucking you in bed at night.

I miss the sound of your breathing.

I miss seeing you in your room, across from ours.

I miss knowing you are fed and taken care of when you aren't feeling well.

I miss watching you run after your friends or carried by the older girls.

I miss playing with you.

I miss seeing you in our family pictures.

I miss having you on our family outings and vacations.

I miss talking to you.

I miss you copying things I say.

I miss watching you play and interact with your sisters.

I miss seeing you play with your new friend down the street.

I miss introducing you to new things, and watching you experiencing them.

I miss telling you how much I love you, and you knowing you are loved.

Oh, Elijah and Ruthie ... how much I do miss you both!

Are you ready?

2010-07-02T13:36:00.000-06:00

Ask, and God will give to you. Search, and you will find. Knock, and the door will open for you. Yes, everyone who asks will receive. Everyone who searches will find. And everyone who knocks will have the door opened. Matthew 7:7-8

I sat with God this morning. My favorite place to be, and my favorite way to start my day. I did have second thoughts before I headed to my "God" chair, for I had so much to do today. But I knew I needed Him before any of the things I had to do. It is only Him that can help me get through those things to do today.

I shared with you that I gave up facebook for 40 days, only turn on the computer between 12pm-5pm (mountain time), don't check emails from my phone unless I'm expecting something specific and I'm away from the computer, we don't turn on the TV unless to watch a show we are all into or a movie, and then off it goes. I only have a week left until the 40 day mark will come to an end. As I approached this fast, it was because I wanted to hear God so much clearer than I had. I didn't want to hear all the "voices" I meet on facebook, emails, TV, etc. I only wanted Him. So as this fast comes to an end I can only say one thing... I sought, and He answered!

As I approached this fast, I expected to experience God ... but never did I think I would experience Him as much, nor as life changing as I have! I am so thankful it was on our high-school pastors heart to challenge the kids and that I accepted this challenge, for this fast was just that - life-changing. So even though these 40 days are almost over, I don't want to go back! And I don't think I will. Sure I may look on facebook now and then. But I enjoy writing on the blog more than posting my status on facebook. The hours will remain the same for when the computer will be on. TV will also remain the same and as well as my phone access. Because to tell you the truth - it's not these things I desire, but Him alone!

Not only have I heard and experienced the voice of God. But He has done something I never could quite understand ... He has increased my faith. My boast is in Him alone, and my love for Him just bursts within me!

So now I pass on this challenge for you ... are you ready? What technology, lifestyle or even food is controlling you and taking you away from the voice of God? Are you ready? Give it up for 40 days, and seek Him. I promise you, you will find Him!

Psalm 103 (Karen's version)
My whole being, all that I am -flesh, mind and spirit praise the Lord. All that I am praise His holy name.
My whole being, everything you made me to be will praise the Lord and never forget all the kindness you have shown me over and over again.
You have forgiven all my sins and continue to do so.
You have healed me from thoughts of suicide, foot problems twice, gluten sensitivity and other things so numerous to mention. You have healed Courtney from her stomach issues, Katie from headaches and neck issues related to her concussion and have also ended all her nose bleeds. You are showing yourself to Lindsay and will heal her from her plantar warts on her feet. You are a God who heals, because of the abounding love you have for us.
You have saved my life over and lover again, saving me from the enemy and you have filled me to overflowing of your love and mercy.
You have poured good things in my life, where I have found your protection guarding me and your peace all around me. Your joy brings a spring in my step, making me young. You are the wind beneath my wings and I soar with you like an eagle.

Lord, you continue to show your mercy and kindness over and over again. You aren't quick to become angry for your love for your people is so great.
Oh God, I deserve even death for the sins I have done - through action, thoughts, and words I have spoken. Yet, you have never repaid me for these things, as it would be justified by man. You not once, have taken one smidgen of love from me because of my crimes.
Your love remains, and is so great the whole earth can't contain it. Your love continues to shine through to all who respect you.
It is through your love you have removed my sins - as far as the east is to the west, and the west is to the east. My sins are no more!
Your mercy remains on your children who love and respect you.
You remember how you created each one of us, how you knit us together each to the specifications you have designed. You remember and you love us.

Oh God, your love remains upon all who love and respect you. My heart is full of love for you, for it is You that has first loved me.
Your goodness will continue through the generations to come and because you always remain faithful!

Everything you, Lord God have made praise your name! May the birds sing their love songs to you, the grass rustle it's praise to you. May the sun, moon and stars shine for your glory alone. May even the rocks stand in awe of you! For you God, deserve all the praise! May my whole being - flesh, emotions, thoughts and spirit sing all praise to you - the One most high and highly to deserve!

Another Care Package

2010-07-02T12:53:00.000-06:00

We received word that another family is going over to the orphanage in Liberia where Elijah and Ruthie are, and the family is willing to take packages to the kids. So of course we scrambled and sent them our love with coloring pages and pens, stickers, tractor and plane (for Elijah) and dolls (for Ruthie), animal cookies, clothes and of course a new picture book with a bunch of messages from their family.

We anxiously await their arrival one of these days. God has restored our hope, and as long as our eyes are fixed on Him we are able to endure. But still we pray...God please let all this "be finished", may Your will be done, hear and feel my heart and help us to keep pressing on. God we love you, trust you and will continue to place our hope in You alone.

Happy Father's Day My Dearheart

2010-06-21T16:04:00.007-06:00

Our message to our girls this past year has been they don't have to spend money for a nice gift. It's a hard message to teach and learn when sales for the coolest thing are all around you, or when you hear of what so and so has bought their father, or even when you have a heart that it would just be nice to provide for Dad once, the way he has provided for you countless of times. It's just plain hard. But we went beyond the storebought gift, and created something that spoke to Duane's heart this Father's Day.

The gift that made Duane's heart overfill (please turn music off at the bottom of the blog) ...

And with a heart filled with love we all took him to the mountains for his favorite things to do...hiking with his family.

And with that Duane had the best Father's Day yet! And the girls so understand, it's giving from the heart that makes a difference. And to my Dearheart, you are such a great Daddy - because you look to the Greatest Father of them All. We love you so very much!

Thank You!!!

2010-06-16T14:49:00.004-06:00

Our family would like to thank each one of you that has supported our endeavors to go to Liberia. As you can see by the thermometer we have been "still" for quite some time. We still have hopes going. However, the amount raised is the exact number we added into our funding for food for the orphans. We have heard the past few months how the children at Addy's Hope is out of food. Food that came in gave them a meal a day. Now there have been days they have gone without all together. It breaks our heart. So our family has decided to send this amount that was given to feed these kids, and fill their bellies even before we eventually arrive.

For those of you who still want to get involved. Please contact me. Those of you who would love a t-shirt - we still have plenty! Each penny raised will go towards this project.

Thanks again for all those who have contributed by either donations, purchasing locker shelves or t-shirts. Your contribution has helped so much! Thank you!

God Always Shows Up Because He is Always There!

2010-06-14T18:34:00.004-06:00

So be strong and courageous!

Do not be afraid and do not panic before them.

For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you.

He will neither fail you nor abandon you.

Deuteronomy 31:6 (New Living Translation)

This verse was waiting for me in my email today. A verse I know, and a verse that is always on my heart. A verse that reminds me everyday God will never leave me or forsake me. He is there - always! But it wasn't until this evening, I understood why my spirit was "nudged" this morning as I read it.

I have confessed in previous posts how I have battled with our adoption. How I have had to let Elijah go more and more, and not even knowing how I have picked up this battle. I know he is in better hands than I can even offer, but I would lie to you if I say things are hunky doory. In spite of the heartache it brings to not have Elijah home we do have peace. And as we pray each day, may God's will be done!

I am a black and white thinker. If I can't have Elijah home, then let us move on...let us let him go. And I try. I believe it is my weakness and my heartache that tries to let it go so I can move on and try and get over the pain of this wait. I remember a day full of emotions over our Liberian children and I knew I just had to let them go once again. This time instead of just letting them go I wanted to walk away. That particular day we went to a Kari Jobe concert...their outreach ... orphan care, and behind the worship song lyrics up on the screen were Elijah's eyes looking right at me. Coincidence? No! God? Oh, yes!!!

Another time, I was in a state of despair and anguish. I surrendered all this adoption stuff once again to my Heavenly Father, and confessed I just couldn't do this anymore. "I can't...please don't make me" were the words off my lips. My heart was done. I shouldered the weight of disappointment from Duane and the girls, which only made all the emotions of this journey that much more painful. The next day our congressman phoned and emailed to help us out in our plight. Coincidence? No way!!! God? Absolutely!!!

It is these times of surrender God has shown Himself over and over again. And shown us His will and desire to carry this load of ours.

So today our adoption continues to be held by His hands. No others.

Unfortunately, I can't stop the emails. Emails that draw us to stay on top of things. I prayerfully answer them now for I want to remain in obedience to the One who has it all under control. However, I see them and emotions still arise. Some bring hope and excitement, others bring anguish. Today was one of those days.

Our recent fight is with the US government. So I pray. I act on what He tells me. And I remain still until He tells me what to do. Today we received an email from the US embassy stating a document that is needed. A document that was sent in four months ago, still waiting for a response. Without it there is no proof...just one word against another. I found myself overwhelmed - to say the very least. I was discouraged. I was angry. And so, so tired thinking of the road ahead.

I wondered again if God really wanted this adoption to perceed.

So I sat still today as I was knocked off my feet. I remained overwhelmed as to where I even start with this leg of our journey ...what do we do? Which office do we contact? What phone number do we use? Will our congresswoman help us? And may I just add the immigration part of this adoption is as clear as mud for me, only making me that much more confussed and overwhelmed. Once again, I couldn't do it.

I was on the phone with our agency this evening - preparing the first steps to tackle this. At the end of the phone call, Duane came home from work and waved something at me. We received the EXACT paperwork that was needed. This particular battle we were set up to fight, had already been won! God did all the work and I did nothing!

God continues to show Himself to us. He has everything all under control. We truly don't have to lift one finger.

So I look back at Deuteronomy 31:6 and remember. God is always with us...He didn't show up tonight, He's always been. He showed His glory and His poweronce again tonight! His presence is always with us and our circumstances. He remains. And He is so so good!

But I think of you, as I had the need to share with you. I think of you, because I know there is someone who is struggling, overwhelmed, in anguish and full of despair. I want you to know that isn't what God wants for you. I ask you to surrender it all to Him, the One who is able and willing to carry your load for you. His love wipes each tear from your eyes, and wants so desperately for you to crawl up into His lap. Will you? Please don't miss out! He is so so good and has already won the battle for you!

Connection...what are you connected with?

2010-06-03T10:52:00.009-06:00

I LOVE Facebook. I love being connected to the world I left almost four years ago, in California. I love getting connected with childhood friends. I love feeling I know what is going on in the world. I love hearing about events at our church. I love knowing when friends had their babies, and even learning about deaths. I love hearing others speak their praise and recognition to God. I just love the connection I have in my Facebook world.

I have left a church because of lack of connection. I almost left our current church for the same reason, until God showed me to pursue what I am looking for in connection.

I live in a corner of the world where our neighbors don't talk to one another. One neighbor thinks we are just plain weird because we don't have cable and have a vegetable garden. Other neighbors are feuding, thus won't talk to anyone on our block. One neighbor doesn't have their kids play with ours because ... well, I don't really quite know why.

I consider myself a friendly person, and feel I am eager to help ... but yet, I just can't find that deep connection with another person, who I can laugh, talk or walk with. I have mentioned in previous posts how I have been lonely...and I think bottom line it is because of the world I live in. However, it was just yesterday I have realized I won't approach others because they have connection...and don't need someone like me in their world. So I know God has shown me something He is about to change in me.

Thus because of the world I live in ... Facebook is my connection, my friend, and what I have called a need in my life.

Through some of my "Facebook friends" I have learned about a 40 day fast our pastor challenged the youth with. What I have gathered through "Facebook status'" is our society is so attached to technology, and we aren't necessarily hearing the clear voice of God, because we are letting that technology distract us. For 40 days they were to give up something, so they may hear the voice of God get louder in their lives. I applauded our youth pastor behind the computer screen. And convinced myself I had nothing to give up. Have I mentioned how much I love Facebook?

My biggest complaint in my spiritual life lately is not clearly hearing the voice of God. Yes, there are times I am prompted and "sense" God's leading...but His voice has been quite muffled these days. I have been missing it so much! Put the emptiness of His voice with my isolated world...it is frankly, lonely.

I looked at my life and it's technology. Not only do I have Facebook, but a new phone that lets me see what is going on on Facebook and see all my emails. I am always connected! I have surrendered to defeat by not pursuing relationships or God's voice and have replaced it all with technology and have called it good.

So I took the challenge and stepped it up. I have been off of Facebook for about a week now. I turn on the computer after noon and make sure it is off when Duane comes home from work. I don't check emails (and of course Facebook) from my phone anymore. I have never been a big texter, but I have taken guard against that too. We don't turn the TV on much anymore, if we do it is for one movie or family show, and then off it goes.

I never knew how addicted I was to my technology world until I have lived without. I remember one day wanting so much to be "connected" and found God's voice telling me "I want to be connected to you!". WOW! Here I thought I was sound in my Lord, and still found things I have chosen over Him.

I am thankful God hasn't chosen the newest gadget, the newest flower or even the newest baby over me. He simply chose me. He has never left me or forsaken me, and has remained forever faithful with me - even though I have been a bit distracted with our technology. I am thankful I have never had to see his back as I approach him, or thought I was weird as we gather in the garden to see what a sunflower seed can produce. I am thankful He came to this earth so we may have connection with Him and He with us. And find when I seek Him the loneliness is gone!

I am thankful I stepped up to this fast. I have seen our marriage flourish because we are communicating face to face instead of Duane talking to me as I talk to the computer. I have seen a deeper connection with my girls because they aren't turning the TV on out of boredom and we are playing games instead. It has only been one week...so I'm still expecting to share in a later post how I have connected to our corner of the world, how our family has even grown closer, and what God has said to me.

I confess it is still hard to be "without". But I'm starting to go to a deeper place and finding being "without" isn't so bad for I am "with" my God where I have longed to be. Yes sometimes it still is hard, but it is so worth it!

Goodbye's aren't Always Easy...

2010-05-28T14:22:00.003-06:00

Today is the day. Today is the day we knew would come one day soon. Today is the day we have been trying to prepare our girls for, but how do you? Today is the day we have to say good-bye, and have a hard time doing so.

Today we will have to put our faithful and loyal friend down. A friend the girls have known all their lives. A friend that has stuck by Duane's side always. A friend that has driven me crazy, but still has loved. Today we say good-bye, through many tears, but know there will be a place with no more pain ... and knowing her we will still hear her barking all the way to those pearly gates.

Grace, you will be missed. We do love you so!

Our Journey

2010-05-18T18:52:00.005-06:00

I have been looking at this blog for sometime now...wondering 1. what to write 2. how vulnerable do I make myself, and 3. what is it God wants me to say. I still look at this now empty space as I am writing how do I even begin to share what is so heavy on my heart with you. I would love to hide behind the excuse of "writer's block" or even the discouragement of comments I have received from unwanted solicitors for things inappropriate, but truthfully I just don't want to be "real" with you, as I try to be. Yet why have I avoided you ...

My pride. I have a fear of and not wanting to be wrong, foolish, fear of failing or even being or doing something stupid in front of you and everyone else. I like you thinking "she knows what she is doing, she seems to have it all together". But can I be honest with you? I don't! I make mistakes and fall everyday.

Our mission trip. I don't think it is going to happen as we have planned. What once was what we thought was God's direction is now uncertainty. God has not supplied the money needed, so we do know we aren't going anytime soon. We have raised the amount needed to provide for the orphans so we will give that money to Addy's Hope. It is still our desire to go to Africa, so we will continue to put nickles and dimes aside. I have to say "I don't know" what will happen, nor when. I stumble myself as I wonder ... is this our selfish desire or is this God? We rest on the fact...God puts the desires in our hearts.

Our adoption of Elijah and Ruth, otherwise known as the "elephant in the room". It was a few weeks ago, we received another email from our agency, with again, not so positive news. There is always something happening, something needed and something to do. Perhaps it is this time of the year, or because I have the mom-thing full force right now ... but whatever it is or wasn't...I reached my breaking point. I sat Duane down and said "I just can't do this anymore". God has told me to live in the present, and I can't find the presence when I'm constantly reminded of the past and waiting for the future. In my tears, Duane saw the desperation, the tiredness and the anguish of it all so he brought us to God. In our human hands, we confessed our tiredness, weakness and confusion with it all and how He has to take the reigns. If this is His desire He has to bring them home ... for we just can't anymore. We also confessed we should have never had the reigns in the first place.

I don't believe in coincidences. Our agency has asked us to contact our congressmen and representatives months ago. It has been 8 months ago when we started contacting them via: email and phone calls. Each call, each email had the same response ... "we are glad you contacted us, and we will be happy to get back to you within 48 hours", only to receive no response. After we surrendered things to God, we received a phone call from our congresswoman the next day. She is now doing some research and seeing what help she can provide us.

I don't know where this is going to lead. I remain always in hope - for mine remains in Christ, and no where else. However, I know I am in that place where I am starting to live again. I am enjoying the pleasures of a Godly man, and finding contentment with the beautiful girls we have. I am trying to take each step the way God would have me to go. I confess my mind stumbles in "being wrong", or even wondering if I chose a journey that God didn't ordain. But I know God makes ALL things good. I know I can't live in the past as God has reminded me by tripping myself up whether this was right or wrong, good or bad, of God or of self. I have to just simply live. Now I am allowing God to restore and fill those places that have been empty for so long. I am amazed of the restoration and new passion of love God has placed in Duane and my hearts for one another. I am weary and thankful for the emotions of teenage girls, and have found new strength as I guide their young hearts. Part of living too, is taking down what has become a "shrine" (as Duane has called Elijah's room) and allowing the girls to once again have their own rooms. When we know with our full hearts where and what we are suppose to do ... it is then we will act accordingly, until then we will simply live.

Pride. It has stumbled me. It has lead me in the wrong direction. It has kept my heart fully away from Him as well as relationships with others. But when I remove my pride, I find God holding me in His love. And that is where I am today.

Snow Day!

2010-03-24T10:40:00.007-06:00

After we came home from our vacation, I was ready to be back with my friends in California and I admit I have been a bit homesick for some of my favorite places. It was only a couple of days back in the routine of things when we got hit...

a snow storm!
And then I was reminded...Spring may be different here than in the terrain and weather that I used to know in California. And yes, spring here may not always be filled with the warmth of the sun as I once used to know, but there is one thing that spring time in Colorado brings ...

Snow Days! Gotta Love Them!

Things That I Learn On Spring Break

2010-03-24T09:25:00.014-06:00

I didn't know how important it was to have a few days of relaxation. I confess I have felt we shouldn't do such frivolous things until our children are home, especially when I think of their hungry bellies and circumstances they live in. So we have continued to put off our needs of relaxation. But we finally did it. We addressed our needs, and took care of ourselves. We were hoping for a frivolous vacation...one in Hawaii or in California, but soon realized God was addressing our needs of having time with one another and getting some much needed rest away from the everyday life. We didn't go far - Denver, to be precise. But it was perfect, and just what we needed. I was able to do my Bible study, cry as I read a good book, laugh with the family, and see my husband relax as work was set aside. I remember seeing lists of "Things You Learn in Kindergarten" or "Things You Learn in School", I have come up with my own: Things You Learn on Spring Break":

Rest is a need. It is something we shouldn't put off. God even rested on the seventh day. Shame shouldn't be connected with rest, I should be obedient and do it. Rest prepares me for the events of the week, and takes away the stress from the previous. Rest is a need.

I am able to get closer to my family and also to God because distractions are less.

My husband is fun! When he is away from the pressures of work, and others telling him what to do and when...he is the man I haven't seen for a long time.

My girls make me laugh. The things they think about and do make me giggle.

Lindsay is overwhelmed by the demands she has and have put on herself. Getting time away she was able to put them aside and talk them out.

Katie was feeling isolated. She was getting shuffled in between Lindsay's firsts and Courtney's health needs.

Courtney's medical issues weren't as tolling on her during the time away as they are in her everyday life.

Courtney LOVES family time. Nothing can be any better for her, if we are all together, no matter what we are doing.

It doesn't take much to have relaxation: a hotel, being away from responsibilites of homelife, and each other is all that is needed. We bought a couple of games and played them over the days either spread out in the living space or on our bed. (We are all obsessive about winning).

TV is a treat for us (since we don't have cable), and it only takes one channel to entertain the GIRLS of the family...TLC (What Not to Wear, Four Weddings, Say Yes to the Dress, etc.).

Duane is still outvoted when it comes to the TV. Luckily he loves to read, and enjoyed doing so.

We discovered that if you keep walking on the 16th Street Mall, there is a park at the way end. We saw loose rope walkers ... something new to watch.

Saint Patrick's Day isn't the best time to hang out in Denver. My girls were able to learn a lot that day.

14. Pedicures are still welcomed to all of us girls.

15. Having a mall across from the hotel is all the entertainment you need when you have a house full of teenage girls.

16. Having a pool, hot tub and pennies are an added bonus to any vacation.

17. We finally found a great Mexican restaurant since our move here: El Senor Sol. YUM! Lindsay was able to practice her Spanish, and learn some more.

18. When rested, we are able to truly get to know others. We are friendly and welcoming.

19. We didn't miss our dog and to much of Courtney's dismay we will not be replacing our dog when the time comes.

20. The passion and love I have for my husband is great. I enjoy the man he is and hearing about his dreams and passions. He is tender and caring, and makes me smile. I can still get lost in his dark brown eyes and am able to stay there forever.

So, if you are looking at getting away ... do. But know, it doesn't take much. The girls all in all were looking for the time together over elaborate places to go. I felt foolish to spend money on something that was so close, but in the end ... it was all worth it!

You may have heard that one of the places we were hoping to go to was Disneyland. The added bonus, and the conclusion to our vacation was that Disneyland was brought to us ... Disney On Ice, to be exact.

We can't wait until our next Spring Break!