Letting Go

Letting Go.  Action words.  And two words that can be so hard to do.  Two words that can take on different meanings to so many people.  And two words God has been asking me to do latly.

Sometimes we don't see the gloom or the heaviness we are under until we are able to get out from under it and see behind us.  And I believe that is where we are at.

Many of you have been following our adoption journey.  You have lifted us faithfully in prayer and have rooted us on.  You have literally kept us on our feet when we couldn't stand anymore.  For all you have done ... thank you!

We saw some dates quickly approaching ( renewing of immigration fingerprints, home study renewal and immigration paperwork renewal) - all coming due, and with a hefty cost for each of them.  The cry of our hearts is to be faithful to our Faithful One.  Seeing these dates, and having the desire of our heart brought conflict and fear within me.  It has drained me and has brought a differenet kind of tiredness I have never experienced before.

I questioned God:  why me?, what must I do to received a break through?, and what have I done to receive this punishment?.  I am thankful God is big enough for these tough questions.  With these questions I was left with pain and hurt.  And a pain I knew too only God could heal.

Images of the vision I had that started this journey came to mind.  Reminders of clear answers to prayers came to mind.  And with all these reminders and with all my emotions I confess I don't understand it all.  And I guess that is where this has started.  I have recognized my mind can't even fathom Gods'.  His ways aren't always mine, no matter how much I try.  He is much greater!

Bottom line is God was literallly going to provide us the finances or we were going to have to "let go" (as He has been telling me).  Finances didn't come in.  My fingers started loosening from this grip I have had on this journey...but still didn't want to let go...not yet.

I explained to God I have so many people watching us.  I have so many people praying and supporting us and that many more doubting and even cursing our journey.  I wanted to show them He triumphed over all this.  Pride was getting in my way.  I didn't want to let any of you down.  My focus was filtered along the way.  I must live for God ... no anyone else!  Recongnizing this pride loosened more of my already loosened fingers. 

Even though my mind was hearing and recognizing this hard place I was in with God, I couldn't allow my heart to experience the pain with it all.  My heart already hurt, and I didn't want to feel anymore of what I already have.  I was afraid of the pain - for I knew it was going to be so great that I might not even be able to ever breathe again.

I believe nothing is left to chance.  God knows who or what will cross our paths, and allows those things to come our way.  And makes everything good.

I am facebook friends with someone in Liberia.  Someone who is pretty close to the adoption situation there.  Someone who calls me "Sister Karen".   Someone who stands in Christ and yet is so very much a part of his country.  I was talking to him about ideas of how to better his country, and it was through this conversation adoption came up.  It was then crystal clear - adoption wasn't going to be moving anytime soon - if at all.  Corruption is ruling this country.  Also the minds of every Liberian person was going to have to change.  Simply, I can't do it.  Only God can.

With all the strength I had left I lifted my opened hands and let go of Elijah and Ruth into Gods'.  We weren't going to renew any paperwork, unless God clearly said to.  When Elijah and Ruth are able to come home it is then we'll reinstate our paperwork.  But now we let them go.

With feet still dragging I emailed our agency and told them our situation.  Surprisingly, they supported us 100% and offered us so much kindness, support and understanding.  There was peace.

My heart still remained broken.  The pain has been overwhelming.  I still questioned and longed for understanding.  Today with the strength and humiliation I had left, I sought counsel from our pastor.  My heart was grieving and I was lost.  Words that were said confirmed convictions I have experienced in the past and stirred something in my soul.  It isn't until later I will see the fruit of that stirring.  Questions I was asking God were dealt with and healing began in that office.

But today that is where we stand - fully surrendered to the Only One we rest in.  I have let go of something I have passionatly held onto with a very firm grip and given it to the One who is able.  I can't say I understand this journey we have been on.  But I also rest that I don't have to.  I also can't say that my heart has stopped hurting - but it's still beating.  But I do seek comfort by my Healer and I'll continue to walk this journey with Him. 

This adoption is all His.  Elijah and Ruth are His.  And so am I.

Family Mission Trip to Liberia

November 1, 2009

Dear Family and Friends,

My sisters and I send our love to each one of you, and are thankful for each one of you in our lives.

We have already finished our first quarter in school. And as always, we are looking forward to the coming months as we celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas…and of course, having some time off from school. Our school has a mission statement: To be boldly Christian, academically equipped and globally prepared. I have realized how much I have taken for granted; simply by attending a Christian school throughout our lives. I am thankful I have been able to. I see how our school is not only giving me the academics needed to go to college but is also a place where I feel safe to represent Christ freely and give Him all the glory He deserves. As I look back on my education I see how my school has given me a foundation in Christ and an education to prepare me to go out into the world.

For the past 2 yrs and 2 months we have been waiting for my brother, Elijah and my sister, Ruthie to come home. Through this waiting time my sisters and I have prayed and learned about Liberia. Our mommy got to go to Liberia at the beginning of this year and we have been able to see Liberia through her pictures. In this time we have developed a heart for the country that our brother and sister call “home”. We wanted to make this Christmas special. So with that, we decided to go to Liberia and bring Christmas not only to Elijah and Ruth but also the other orphans in the home.

My Mommy and Daddy have work to do for our adoption agency as well. You see, the agency just got finished completing a new orphanage which has classrooms in addition to the bedrooms. They need to help train the nurse how to do some paperwork and also help set up the classrooms. They also need to help the workers develop a routine. My sisters and I would like to do a VBS, as well as bring some Christmas cheer to their lives. We want to meet the Liberian people and experience their culture. Through a lot of prayer we have seen God open a door for us to go.

My sisters and I have sold several locker shelves that my Daddy has made. That has only been a small start to the funds needed to travel. We are hoping to be selling note cards and t-shirts soon. But still in spite of our efforts to raise money, we still need your help. We need to raise 15,000.00 in one month. That seems impossible to me but I am reminded in Phillipians 4: 13 “I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me”. My family and I are expecting to see God do something great!

We are asking for your help. If you are able to help provide towards our mission trip to Liberia we say THANK YOU! Please send your provision to Archibald Family. Our first request for our mission trip is God’s provision and all the details to simply work out. We are in the process of gathering our prayer supporters and be able to send our requests out to our team. Please be part of our team, and email us at archiengirls@msn.com. We will also be posting on our family’s blog.

Thank you for your support! We all look forward to sharing with you everything God is going to be doing in the next few months.

In Christ’s Love,
Lindsay Archibald

Today Is The Day

Well, the day has come. The day I was hoping to avoid is looking at me right in my face. I see the calendar. Today is here...whether I wanted it or not.

Some adoptive parents mark their anniversary's of starting their journey by when they actually started taking the first "baby steps" (that could be really discouraging for us for it has been years and years since we have started that), some mark it when it was laid upon their hearts (that started before we were even married...so it is going on 17+ years)...but we mark it by when we called the agency and said "Yes, Elijah belongs to us." So with that being said, today is the day we celebrate 2 years since we have accepted Elijah's referral.

How do we approach this day? How do we deal with this day? How do we look back and see what was suppose to be a 7-12 months ordeal, now a 2 year and counting ordeal? How do we face the doubts of those who are watching us and reading this blog? This is how we choose...

"This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice an be glad in it."

Psalm 118:24
and

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances..."

1 Thessalonians 5:18

Yes, that is right. Today we choose to remain in joy. Today we choose to be thankful. We will pray, but there will be a celebration of thankfulness and joy in it. Let me share with you part of my prayer journal.

"Father God, people are watching us, watching our situation with this adoption. They don't see your victory because Elijah and Ruth aren't here, and God there are days I fall into this same lie. But today I claim your victory once again. I continue to walk in obedience to you. I have seen that you have NOT closed doors, but rather OPENED the doors that have increased my faith. God, in the beginning of this journey I thought I knew you, but now I see where I stand and look back and see that I didn't know you at all. "

I remain in joy for I have seen my faith increase in this journey. I remain thankful for the intimacy I share with our Savior.

I remain in joy for I have the full armor of God on: I have the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, my feet fitted with gospel of peace, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit. (Ephesians 6:11-18) I remain thankful for the all His provisions.

I remain in joy for my God fills me with that joy. I remain thankful for He remains good.

I remain in joy for this battle is not mine, but HIS. And He is victorious. And for that alone I give Him thanks.

We remain in joy for how He has grown this family through the past two years. I am thankful our family stands together and will give Him our all in all.

We remain in joy for the favor God has for our agency. And we will thank God for the agency our children and we are apart of, and for God's grace and compassion that is shown through it.

We have much joy to be part of lives in another part of the world, lives who are celebrating the God we serve together...even with them there, and us here. We will give thanks for the staff at the orphanage, who continues to work even though there are no funds to cover what they are doing.

We are joyful for God is our Protector. We will give thanks that our children are safe and under a brand new building and playing in a play yard.

We are joyful for our God is a compassionate God, and full of abundance. We will give thanks that God has given us an abundance...for we started this journey with one child and now have two!

We will remain in joy for our God listens. We will give thanks for the answered prayers as we received the court decree and passport for our son, and the answers soon to come.

We will remain in joy for our God is building His people up. We will give thanks as our whole family has the heart to go and experience the Liberian life as our other children only know.

We will be joyful for our God has redeemed the five of us here, individually, in our marriage, and as a family. We will give thanks, as our marriage has flourished and become even stronger through this added stress of waiting as well as our financial state.

We remain in joy through the strength of our Lord. We will give thanks for God has been our strength through all this. He has not only wiped each tear that has fallen, but knows the exact number we have shed. He has given us patience and joy. He has been our Sustainer.

We are joyful and give thanks for our God has remained Faithful. He has never left us nor forsaken us.

Today we pour out our joy and our thanks upon a God who is Faithful, Good, Just, and Compassionate, and we have the privilege to call Him our Father and Friend. And because of the God He is, we have joy and reason to be thankful.

Questions and Answers

There are so many questions we get. We welcome them, for we feel that we have people interested in knowing our adoption journey. We also know that there are people who just don't want to ask them. These are the questions and statements we have heard. If there are any that we haven't posted, please feel free to post them so we can address them.

"Have you heard anything yet?" Well actually, no. We hear the same things that we know. Liberia is messed up. The government is corrupt, and views their well being the priority. They show from their lack of actions that they don't truly have a heart for these children. It is so hard for Duane and I to answer this question, even though we are thankful so many of our family and friends are interested in our struggle...but what we know is what goes on in our prayer life, we don't have anything tangible or any evidence of what we are hearing from God.

"Why are you dong this?" We are being obedient to God. We have seen a vision and have said "yes" to what we belive God has called us to. God has confirmed our direction many times through this journey.

"This is so messed up! It doesn't make sense. Why don't they just..." In order for them "to just ..." they would need to remove their Liberian mindset, all the turmoil they have known - the war and tribalism, and put on a American mindset. In Proverbs, it is noted that wisdom and understanding go hand in hand, one doesn't happen without the other. In order for wisdom to rule Liberia, one must have understanding...that just isn't the case.

"So what are you going to do?" Wait and pray. We will wait on the Lord, caste our burdens on the Lord. That is all we have. We can't give up for this is the road God has clearly put us on. Has He given us this turmoil? I don't know...but I do know that He is a caring God, a loving God and has extreme compassion for the orphans. With that said, I don't believe God has willed this on us. I do believe He is victorious and will win this fight in the end.

"Why Liberia? Why not one of our "own" children in the US, there are so many?" Yes, our hearts are for orphans. And we have a heart for those needing a home in our own country, let alone state. But God directed our paths to Elijah and Ruthie. He has specifically picked out these two children to be in our home, and for us to be in their lives. We will wait for our children.

"If it doesn't work out, will you be out all that money?" Yes. As with all international adoptions it is a risk that is taken. We know up front that there is a risk, and a government can change their ways at any time. We have signed a document stating we do know this risk. Duane and I both feel that it isn't about the money. We have considered it a pure joy to be able to support our children financially, and wish we could even do more.

"Since Elijah has your name, why can't you bring at least him home?" We need two final things. We need his case history, which can be done simultaneously with Ruthies', and his Visa. Both of these things are not being done at this time until Liberia establishes new adoption laws.

"How long have you been waiting?" We have committed to Elijah two years on August 31st. We have only been committed to Ruthie for 8 months. We are not counting the years prior where we have tried adoption and failed, or even when we knew that God laid this on our hearts. Otherwise, it all started almost 17 years ago. Again, we will continue to wait, we will continue to love, and continue to call them ours.

"Isn't your agency doing anything?" They are doing everything humanly possible. They are spending many countless hours fighting this fight FOR us. They are spending many hours on their knees and trying to break down the barriers. We ask for you to pray for them, that God will continue to use them in a mighty way and for them to not get weary in this fight. The one thing I want to make clear is that Duane and I are extremely proud to be part of Addy's Hope. Addy's Hope is not only about adoption, but also the care of the Liberian people. Through Addy's Hope we are able to help educate, feed and share Christ with the people of Liberia. Christ has used Addy's Hope to not only bring light to these people, but to bring hope. It is the Liberian people that are for what Addy's Hope is doing, it is the government that is fearful and remain controlling.

"Are you guys the only ones going through this?" No. The orphanage that our kids are coming out of has approximately 60 children under their roofs, all waiting for their forever families who have been matched with each of them. All these children are waiting. We aren't the only orphanage/agency either. Other agencies have had to close their doors because they couldn't afford to take care of their children because of the lack of adoption fees coming in. And the few remaining agencies are continuing to press on and fight for the sake of these children.

"I just don't understand all this. It isn't fair. It isn't right. You should have them in your home. They need a good home." Thank you for your support. Unfortunately, the Liberian government doesn't see things like we do. A lot of it is because of lack of education about adoption. When a country doesn't have adoption in their own country, it is so hard to understand how a family can take another child in that isn't theirs and love them as if they are.