The Assignment

It was a simple question that the pastor's wife asked of us.  To just post a picture of us standing in our favorite part of our home or property, and post another in our least.  I could have sent any ol' picture but for whatever reason this question really got my mind pondering.

And thanksgiving over flowed in my heart.  After days of pondering I realized what a testimony this home is.   What I have experienced in this home, I haven't experienced in any other home we had … at least to the depth.

We have recently remodeled a couple of rooms: our bathroom and kitchen.  It would be natural to take a picture in those rooms.  The kitchen is where I experience creativity and passion and able to serve.  And as much as I experience the joy of kitchen … it's not my favorite.  The bathroom is the gratest transformation:  something truly horrible and ugly now so purposeful and beautiful.  Isn't that Jesus in our lives?  How He transforms us from our horrible selves into something beautiful.  That could be it … but no, it wasn't it.

Do I post a picture of our sitting room?  That could it.  It is a room where plants surround me, reminding me of life.  It is a place I come and meet with Jesus in my quiet time, and where my intimate conversations take place with those I hold dear.  That could be it.  But I still had hesitancy as I thought about all the other rooms.

The laundry room, even though, the frequent mess of dirt trampling through and the collection of shoes still brings me a pleasant feeling.  The dining room is full of fellowship, intimacy, laughter and conversations. A place where I can serve those I love.  That surely could be it.  The family room is where the girls play their instruments and worship.  It has turned into our santuary where we have church now and we gather to watch movies, play games and where my husband holds me or my hand.  That could be it too.  Or what about the stairwell where so many pictures greet me and remind me of the good memories I have had with so many people.  Or what about our room with its solitude and the intimacy, love and embrace only a husband and wife share.  And the fourth bedroom .. storing the fun of games, creativity of crafts and sewing and such, and a place I can work or rather daydream as I stare out the window.  Or do I stand in the only room we liked when we purchased our home .. .the downstairs bathroom, the room we still love and are thankful for because it drew us here.  Or what about the rabbit coop where I'm greeted with so many cute faces and the fun they are.  And the back porch where I can sit and relaxe and soak up the sun and enjoy the beauty of the flowers that surround me.

As I pondered,  I have been grateful of all that God has blessed us with.  I have experienced His blessings in each room and each room is filled with His goodness.  I have a tangible reminder of a good God and the overflowing of goodness He has provided me.

I couldn't help but remember the day we found this house.  We had transitioned back to California.  We were trying hard to make something new, because we were determined to not return to the life and area we had known.  We were going to live somewhere new, somewhere different.  The realestate business was hot, and we had put eleven offers in different homes … all of them going at least 100,000 over asking prices - something we couldn't even compete in.  Our temporary housing was about up and we were running out of hope.  One thing happened after another, and we saw our now home on Redfin.  It met all the criterias, but I just didn't like it.  We placed an offer on the home still but way less than the offer, believing the bank would never accept.  But God always wins .. and the keys were ours.

I had a disagreement with Duane right after watching church on Sunday.  And true to form I retreated to

the place that always welcomes me.  I took my tea and poindered.  I was upset with my behavior and frustrated with my husband.  But I went and sat and confessed my heart to God there.  I sat and looked around and saw the beauty around me and thanksgiving filled my heart.  I felt close to God once again.  I realized then and there where my favorite spot was - my front porch.  It is there no matter what I'm going through my heart always sores towards Him and thanksgiving fills my heart.  It is there I welcome those into our home, and send off my love when they go - and God does the same with each of us.  I watch the birds, and the bumble bees and rabbit - even though it eats my flowers.  It's not my favorite door, and the porch needs some touching up - but in spite of that, God is with me.

The least favorite place in our home was just as difficult because each room is so good because God is part of each of them.  It could be the girls room as there are many times it is hard to find the floor … but because of the lives that fill them, I'm even fond of those rooms.  But then I remembered a room that intensifies my fear of the dark because there is no electricity, and the spiders and mice have been easy to find.  But also a place where we have had kittens born in there .. the detached garage, carriage house, shed or whatever you want to call it.

So today thankful that God not only gives us a testimony in our lives but in our homes as well.  And I am thankful He chose us to live here.

Through Loss … I see I Have Gained!

I had a huge scare that started this past Tuesday.  Some of you it is no big deal … but to me it was HUGE.

I lost my Bible.

I am a woman of routine and I looked through all the spots that it could have been and then all the spots that it would more likely not be.  We were in a rental car this week, and I had my husband search the car.  It wasn't there.  Then as any woman would do, I went to look through it … even twice, and even a third.  It wasn't there.  It was officially lost.

I had it Sunday.  We had an event at church where 26 people were baptized!  We had a celebration, and had lunch at the church.  Could I have left it there?  Possibly.  But I thought I remembered carrying it throughout.  

We just started attending this church a little over a month ago.  We have been in a season of Lack - connection, identity and even it began to pull on our hope and caused hurt and pain (that we are still working through).  I began to question if God even cared where we worshipped.  It has always been laid on our heart to be part of our own community.  I can't explain it, but the pull on our heart is GREAT.  We know with all our being that this was put on our heart by God himself.  This church is walkable, and I can't explain how surprised we are to find exactly what we have been looking for - and in our backyard!  

I remembered a few months ago, that my Bible was collecting a bit of dust (at least in my eyes).  Yes, it would be picked up for church and I would fumble through the pages in the sermon.  I would even pick it up on occasion to find a verse that was in my mind.  But the actually reading of the Book, I just was too tired to do so, and was frankly a bit bored with it.  When I realized this attitude that was within me, I prayed that my hearts desire would change and I would long for my Bible again.

Ever since we moved I have longed for an in depth Bible study.  I would find women's get togethers but not a study like I had longed for.  I was even willing to lead one if that is what it took … but then the issue would be "who would come".  Hopelessness started to wear it's toll on my heart in this area, and I started to just accept how we have to make the church more inviting and "friendly" to woman and connect differently.  I accepted it, but missed my studies where God became real and even more powerful that I have known Him to be.   I never prayed about it.  I guess I figured God knew what He was doing and it was time for an "update" for my longings in the area of a women's study.

Courtney came to me and asked if I would do a Bible study with her.  She wanted to learn more about the pages she was reading, and understand its meaning.  My heart soared.  I borrowed a Beth Moore study from the church we were going to, and we have been in the word ever since.  I have been doing bits and pieces of my study and work, and when I'm looking up my scriptures I use my app on my phone.  But Tuesday night I wanted to open the actual pages, hear the crinkle of them when I turn them, smell the pages, read the gazillion notes and perhaps even add to them.  But it was no where to be found.

Wednesday morning on my way to work, I stopped by the church that was still unfamiliar to me.  I greeted those who greeted me with a smile, and asked if my Bible was found.  After giving a description and us looking at all the possibilities it was just not to be found.  My heart just sank.  But I was invited to cooperate prayer that evening … I mean it was a genuine invite.  And it was refreshing to receive.

I arrived to work, and this particular day I was my happy self, but just deeply saddened inside.  I never knew how attached I had become to this Book.  I remembered the dates of dedications and baptisms that were in there.  I thought back and realized that this was my very first study Bible that my husband helped me pick out.  It has to be 25 years old.  That means there are 25 years of notes in the margins and highlighted verses.  I might not know what my Bible references are, but I knew where to find them on the page in my Bible.  There were ripped pages, and tear stained pages.  It is this Bible that I would read scriptures that would leap of the page at me, and help me realize that the God I have is a loving, gracious companion and has everything under control.  This Book brought me hope in the times when I felt hopeless, encouragement when I was down, and offered prayers when I didn't know what to say.  I found many answers in this Book.  I also took it for granted.

I realized yesterday my Bible had become more to me than I ever imagined.  My Bible had become a long time friend.  My Bible was my lifeline.  And now it was lost.

I had even prayed that I was willing to let it go, if it would make another's life richer.  But my heart still broke within.

With all the demands of work and errands, I still felt prompted to go to prayer.  I didn't understand why I was prompted, and even questioned if I heard the prompting right.  Afterwords, I saw someone I knew and I told her that I was a bit down as I had lost my Bible.  She helped me look one more time. The usual places.  And I saw some people that had smiles on and hearts of warmth and would greet me in my search.  Genuine people.  Happy people.  I even ran into the pastors, and they would keep their eyes out, and gave me encouragement - except when they were empathetic, which only made me realize more of what I was missing.  Upon my leaving, another pastor came in our path, and the lady mentioned about the loss of my Bible.  He had saw it.  He picked up something that wasn't it, and my heart sank even lower - and he looked in an unusual spot … and then handed me my Bible!  I hugged him, as I hugged my Bible.  

This morning I look at my Bible and know the comfort and strength I have because it is near to me, and I have it available to go to.  Yes, I could have used the other Bibles in the house, but they weren't enough for me.  This Bible and me go way back and we have taken many journeys through valleys and mountain tops together.  

It was through this journey that I realized God hears my deepest prayers, the prayers that I would call even the silliest prayers.   God made me long for my Bible and made me see the value within the pages and made me see even the value I have with Him through these pages.  

And within the last 48 hours I have seen that God has answered the deep cries of my heart.  There are crevices that I would cover, thinking they weren't necessary to bring to God.  But God has shown me through Bible study, through a new church, and the journey to recover my Bible He cares about the little stuff and the spiritual walk we are on.  I'm so thankful He does!