My Prince of Peace

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night.  An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified.  But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid.  I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.  Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord.  This will be a sign to you:  You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."  Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rest."

Luke 2: 8-14

I hear this passage and I sense a calmness in the story.  Peace came to the shepherds.  I'm sure they were startled and perhaps even fearful of what they were seeing, what they were experiencing … but all in all peace surrounded them.  I sense a quietness and stillness also in the moment … as the moment stood still as they grasped what was being told to them.

This time of the year we hear the word "peace" quite often.  However … do we live in a moment of peace?  Drivers cutting in and making wrong decisions so they can get to where they are going and honking at you to get out of the way, shoppers getting cranky and downright rude as they feel the pressure of Christmas coming closer and they have still way too much to do, and just society becoming more focused on our own selves than who we are doing life with - peace is hard to find sometimes, and sometimes down right impossible.

I sit here with a knot in my stomach, one that just won't unwind.   I wrestle with my dad not only being put into an assistant living home, but how fast his disease is taking him.  I wrestle with the decisions ahead that I'm not really part of but hearing about - whether I agree or disagree isn't the issue, but the confusion and exclusion I'm dealing with.  I wrestle with my connection to other family members with all this and helping my daughters walk through this as well.  I wrestle a lot with what I'm dealing with at work.    I hear things, see things that just aren't right.  Confusion is part of my circumstances.  Being pulled in many different directions, being a support to those around me as well as being the one everyone wants to talk to - because "I'm a little easier".  And in the midst of all this we decide to do remodeling.

My stomach hurts.  The knot just doesn't want to loosen.

I know I need to sit with my God.  However, what do I say?  What do I open my Bible to?  What do I do?  After all, He knows everything and sees what I'm going through.  How do I release it?

Christmas we call out Peace.  But yet we don't experience peace.  Life is cruel and gets in the way.

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

John 14:27

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For me yoke is easy and my burden is light."  

Matthew 11:28-30

I don't have to have the answers, for Jesus is the answer.  I don't have to worry about tomorrow because He has it taken care of.  I don't have to figure out what is right and wrong because He is the truth and wins in the end.  I know this full well.

Jesus came.  And all He asks is for me to come to Him.

 don't have to have an agenda, or know where to open my Bible to, or even know what to say.  I just  to come.  He will take care of it all.

So today  come.  I ask all the emotions, turmoil and details I'm going through with my Dad He will handle.  I surrender the hurt, anger, and confusion for His peace.  I come.  I surrender.  And I receive His peace He has to offer.

I chose to walk away from the troubles of this world, and just come to Him and sit.  I receive His peace.

I chose to walk away from my job today and let Him be the center.

I chose Peace.  I chose Him.  And I receive the Peace that entered this world years ago is entering me today.

Simply come.  Simply receive.

Jonah … Or Rather … Karen

I have been laying low this week.  I have noticed that a bitterness that has taken over my soul, and am wise enough to know that I shouldn't be around people and affect them with my negativeness.  And I also know full well that there is only One who can remove such bitterness.  So this week I have been seeking.

My youngest came to me.  She is struggling with a reoccurring area in her life.  As she shared, I was able to discern that there was some lie she has bought into that she needs to shake off.  I was able to discern because I was dealing with the same thing … different lie, but a lie.

Today I felt a tug to enjoy a good story … Jonah.  I have always prided myself that I would go wherever God would have me go.  I'm a woman of obedience, but am I?

God sent Jonah.  He didn't want to go and ran.  But even in his disobedience those around him came to recognize how great God is and gave to Him.  God sent a giant fish to swallow Jonah and it was in the belly of the whale that Jonah knew there was only one who could save - and God did.  Jonah went to Nineveh, and spoke over the city.  Countless lives were changed as they turned from their evil ways and God had compassion on them.  Jonah became angry because he knew what kind of a God he served and that the people didn't deserve such graciousness and love. Jonah went off to sulk.  God provided a vine, which made Jonah happy and then God provided a worm to destroy it.  Jonah was so miserable from the heat and wind that he just wanted to die, and God reminded Jonah of who He was.

God sent me from Colorado to California a little over three years ago.  I didn't want to go, but I didn't run from it - at least physically.  I obeyed - physically, but emotionally I wasn't going to forgive God for tearing our family apart.  I resented Him.  And for the last three years I have been in the belly of the whale … misery from bills, a dysfunctional house, unrest in relationships, health issues
and lack of peace.  I have finally recognized fully of the God that saves, and that can save me and this week God has spit me out …. in Concord, California.  I can't say that countless lives have been changed because of where I have spoken over them, but I can say that I have developed countless relationships that have come out of the crevices of places these past couple of days.  God has compassion on them, and I have the privilege of not only having these people in my lives but I get to pray over them too.  God had compassion on them, as He has for me.  I still have held onto that seed of bitterness and have sulked that God didn't quite understand the fullness of how He affected me.  He provided a home that I have become accustomed to, and see so much potential in.  And it was less than 24 hours ago, I questioned if we would still have it, as we were uncertain of Duane's employment once again.  And it was in the conversation I had with my daughter, I am reminded of the God I have, and that He sees way more than I.

Oh Jonah … Oh Karen!


I read something yesterday; "interesting fact:  people over the age of fifty will start to lose their dislike for foods that taste bitter".  Now first let me let the world know … I'm not 50 yet!  However, the warning is just the same.  I remember my grandfather.  He loved me.  Yet, to be honest with my readers …. he was grumpy.  He always had reason to be grumpy.  He had an opinion about everything and judgment just the same.  He had a the brow of anger, and the tone in his voice just the same.  He lost his dislike for bitterness and it turned into a grumpy and a grouchy mess.  And unfortunately he'll have that remembrance.  I was heading toward the same direction.  But was wise enough to see there was a taste I didn't want to get accustomed to …. and I sought the truth.

I have believed a lie that "I get what I deserve".  So with that lie, comes the thought … I deserve to be away from my babies.  I deserve to have a broken family with miles apart.  I deserve this disruption in my life.  I deserve my lack of identity … because of another lie "I'm not good enough".  I never realized until yesterday the depth of these lies and their hold on me.  But enough is enough.  God has allowed me to recognize and today I am set free.

It wasn't about the move to California.  It wasn't about the goodness that God has displayed on me.  It wasn't even about the lies that kept me bound.  It was about me obeying God full heartily and full heartily trusting Him.  Not just trusting Him with my babies, but trusting Him that He saw something more.  Trusting Him that He will plant me and for me to be ready for whatever is to come my way.  Trusting Him with ALL that I am and ALL that I have.  Trusting Him with my identity.  It was about God breaking me free.

So today I sit in the solitude of our home, letting those things that are nagging attention to just wait.  I hear the promises, truth and prayers of the music surround me and let it carry my spirit.  And today I am ready to be unlike Jonah and just go full heartily.  I expect the best because I have a God that wants the best for me and those that surround me and have my heartstrings.  I serve a God who sets me free … and will set you free as well.

Not Your Normal Tuesday

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

John 10:10

It was another Monday in the Archibald house.  Duane was coming out of a week off from work and entering the demands that just sat on his desk screaming louder as deadlines are approaching.  Courtney was heading to the dermatologist again, and having another minor surgery to remove some early caught skin cancer.  And me … juggling Courtney's appointment in the midst of two jobs that were also desperate for my attention.

I have enjoyed the life I live.  I enjoy both jobs for different aspects.  The core of one seems to match the core of me and it has been a perfect "marriage".  However, others have taken advantage of this passion of mine and have destracted me with demands that aren't necessarily mine, nor mine to even take on.  And the other is in the center of my community that I love so much and have much joy connecting with, and where I feel called.  However, unappreciation and disrespect lie throughout, as well as confusion.

I made a commitment late last year that would take some of my time this year.  Honestly, I felt a hesitation, not recognizing where it was coming from, but still decided to say yes because in all my logic: "I had nothing on my plate".  Now in hindsight, I believe that hesiation was the Holy Spirit, as He saw me coming into two jobs and life as I see now.  

And now it is another Tuesday, following up after a fifteen hour Monday, without any breaks except the to and fro in the car, tired and exhausted and facing burnt out once again.  And I searched my Bible knowing words in my spirit and this verse stands out.

I always hear the first part…be on guard for the one who is coming after me in full force to destroy me.  Yet I forget how he does it, through busyness and over commitments, and distractions   But today I rest on the second part of the verse.  That Jesus came so I could not ony have life, but have it to the full. 

He has given me permission and has given me a gift … life and embracing it to the fullness He has intended.  Where He has given me this gift, I will find Him.  

Again, a lesson I haven't mastered….but to live without saying yes to everything, but to say yes to him with a trust He knows what lies ahead.  And accept the things He gives us to enjoy.  It's ok to say no to things that keep us away from the things we love .. even if it seems silly to others (like my cats and bunnies).

I don't have to live with a plate so full that I miss the things that He has given to you to enjoy!  Because when I miss the things He has given me, I am missing His heart and ultimately Him.  And I don't want to miss that!

So today I ponder … what are the things I love in life?  What are the things I want to embrace and fully live?  My family - especially the ones who I share our home with.  The love only a husband and wife share.  I know quality time is my love language, if I am so busy how can I feel loved?  Spending time with my parents is important to me too.  My cats, bunnies and chickens give me peace and a stillness in my soul.  Time to be in my home, cleaning it and fixing it up brings an ownership and a place of serenity.  Going to the Farmer's market, eating God's goodness in the fresh vegetables and fruits.  Feeding my family by my own hands is important to me as well.  Going for walks or to the Y not only for the excercize of it all but just to clear my mind and fill it with His.  And even naps!  To experience rest, and in His craddled arms.  

I have been carrying guilt that I haven't had much time with God, and believed that God wanted me to carve out more time with Him.  He does.  But it doesn't have to be kneeled before Him for so many hours, or even with an open Bible to get so many chapters behind me.  Today is one verse.  And today I see that the gift of life is full because of Him, and all the gifts He brings and to be embraced so you can experience Him.

So today is not going to be another Tuesday, but today I will take the time to ponder and shift my full plate around.  I'm going to have to get rid of some things.  And put bigger helpings of  the things of life that I enjoy so I can have the strength to do the things He has called me to.  Today I will embrace…and as I live life to the fullest, I will be thankful to the One who is the center of it all.  And I will celebrate Him today - and the life He gave.

Merry Christmas To My Enemies

I sit here.  I hear the Christmas carols and worship music in the background.  I have the smells and beauty of candles near me.  The taste of tea, and the word of God in my lap.  My heart is content … at least for the moment.

I wouldn't be human if I too didn't have my struggles.  And my greatest battle these days is with two coworkers.

I love my job, always have.  Yet this battle I have has caused me to even want to quit.  It has caused me to have my tantrums and has caused me to judge, point fingers right back at them and perhaps even call them names.  I have told my girls that we will always have our struggles with someone in our school classes, in our work places and even church…where ever there are people.  It is just the way life and humans are.  My battle feels like a full blown war!

But as I read the Word of God, hear the music in the background and just ponder on the celebration of  Christ's birth my heart pierces. 

I think of my two coworkers and think of how I have enjoyed getting to know them, how much I appreciated them and loved them.  And somewhere in time it changed.  I'm clueless as to how.  I think how my child has been accused of doing somethings wrong, and I'm her mom … so now I'm in the wrong too (so I feel judged).  I think of how they may think I have the same role as them, not knowing that the demands on me are different and the role isn't quite the same (so I feel not understood).  I think of mistakes I have made, or how I may approach a situation differently and perhaps even disagree with way things should run (so I feel unforgiven).  And if I was them I guess I could be guilty of all of the above, and the negativity of my feelings weighs me down.  

I have had tears knowing that not nice things are being said against me.  I have had anger knowing that communication lacks when exchanging shifts because of the way they feel against me, and knowing full well of gossip that is hurting us being a full team.  I have wanted to come out swinging when they continue to remind my other daughter of her wrong choice she made months and months ago and how I have to remind her that her mistakes don't own her, they don't identify her, and she has made all things right.  I want to spit nails when they call themselves Christians and my own daughter watches and says "why would I want to be a Christian, when this is the example?".  So much negativity comes over me, mama bear even comes out and I want to ruin their lives.

But I ponder on the Word of God, I ponder the lyrics of joy, hope, peace and love that continue to sing around me and just ponder about Christ's birth….how we need to come and adore him, how he came so we could be saved and joy is here to stay.  

And then this morning my heart just aches.  

The two of them and me have something in common.  We celebrate the same King of Kings, Prince of Peace and Wonderful Counselor that came into this darkened world - a world that needed hope, peace, joy and love.  The two of them are crying for the same hope, peace, joy and love that I am crying out for.  These two are the son and daughter of Christ.  They were purposely created, purposely planned and purposely loved, just as I was.  

And my heart aches a little more.  This time out of love and conviction.  I'm not loving the gift that was given to me as I should.  I am not worshipping the very God who creates, and have judged two of his masterpieces.  

I'm so sorry. 

I have seen the world through its darkness and have been in the habit of seeing things as hopeless.  I forgot the power of the gift we celebrate this month.  How this gift brings light and will remove all darkness and the things hidden in it.  

I have love.  I have forgivenss.  I have have freedom.  This baby has given such an abundance, I have more to give.

And the very first gifts this year are to my two coworkers.

"Nevertheless, there will be no more gloom for those who were in distress….

The people walking in darkness have seen a great light;

on those living in the land of the shadow of death

a light has dawned.

You have enlarged the nation and increased their joy…

For to us a child is born,

to us a son is given,

and the government will be on his shoulders.

And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Of the increase of his government and peace there will be no end."

Isaiah 9:1, 2-3a, 6-7a

Christmas In An Empty Nest

My life has been so empty.  It seems so fitting.  I mean we move two thousand miles into a life we have once known, but don't seem to know anymore.  Two of our chickadees have flown the nest.  The third is graduating early and getting ready to fly herself.  I haven't been able to find what my next step is.  And to top it off ... there is no snow.  

Transitions are hard.  And a few transitions at the same time are extremely hard.

I have tried to remain close to God.  But I can't seem to find how to do that.  I experience God in so many ways, and all those ways are affected by all this transition stuff.  My belief in God hasn't wavered.  But my joy seems to be far far away.  

It hasn't helped that we haven't found a church to call home.  One we are completely attached to, embraced by and find our family through.  It takes time.  

I have always found some of my belonging through my job, because each job I have held God has sent me to.  Currently, God has put me in a time of "rest" and I'm trying to embrace exactly what that means.  And I'm trying hard to trust.  So in the meantime I'm there for Courtney, and being a supportive wife to Duane.

But there seems to be a lie that hovers over me too.  "I have no purpose anymore."  "God can't use me anymore, what I came to do is done.  So I'm done."  Before you give me your advice and tell me that it is a lie from the enemy.  I know!  But let me explain something to you.  Life as I have known for the last decade is now in a new place.  Life as I have known for the past twenty-two years and have poured every last ounce of everything I am into is now coming to an end.  I'm going around the house, not having a mess to clean up after, not having someone to drive, not having drama to walk anyone through and trying to find what I have now to do.  And I just hear "rest".  And for me it is almost like hearing ... "You're done."  

And it hurts.  It's lonely.  I feel as if I'm walking in a cloud.  And I'm lost.

And with every thing I have left I hold onto the truth I know.  That God hears my tears.  He sees my pain.  And his hand is over me as I wonder.  I hold onto hope that God will pull me out of this pit that seems to get larger and larger.

And to add salt in the wound ... it's Christmas.  A time of great joy, arising hope, peace to reign and love to come.  It's what I believe and what I know to be true.  Yet my feelings aren't experiencing what my belief knows.  

And yet God sees.

In the midst of service, I handed over my aching heart, and all the tears.  And in exchange God handed over a baby He sent over 2000 years ago.  And He entrusts me with him.  My hands that were once empty are filled with life once again.  

What does this mean?  I don't know exactly.  But I know that this Christmas I have a baby to hold onto, one to love, one to pour myself into.  One that I can find my purpose in.  One that will complete me.  

Happy Birthday Jesus.  Thank you for life restored through your coming!

My Conviction

Duane and I have been walking this adoption journey for the past four months, and continue to walk through this fire.  I don't know if I could capture the hardship of the journey.  But for one, life doesn't stop just because there is a new child in our home.  Pets have died.  Pets have had to go.  What was normal, isn't normal anymore, and we can't seem to even find what normal is.  Work demands have become greater.  Financial burdens are heavier.  And in the midst of trying to stop time and turn a child's thinking into truth, the expectations of school, county and councilors are demanding.  The stress has taken its toll on all our relationships including our marriage, and even my health. 

It wasn't until today to told the school "no".  "No" to the book report that is due in a week.  "What?", you may say.  Let me tell you.  Our son is extremely behind in school.  And what the school sees, is "lets fix it".  One teachers fix-it ways, is not the others.  So we have had several teachers and professionals throw their opinions our way, giving us the brunt work to do, threw all their confusion.  However, I'm reminded, that they are fixing the symptoms not the wound. 

Our son has gone through so much trauma in his life.  And if you look into trauma and the affects of it, you'll see that there is actual, physical brain damage.  And the affects of the damage, and the many losses in his life are the results of what you see.  Cognitive issues, attachment and trust issues, fear, worry, academic struggles and the list goes on. 

If I was pregnant, and birthed our son life would be so much different.  Not only would we have nine months to prepare for the child that is coming our way, but we would have had a little idea as to what to expect from the models that were before him.  And we would have already had some sort of bonding.  If my son was birthed, I would have nursed him, and cuddled with him and would have proven to him that I was trustworthy; as I would feed him when he was hungry, change his pants when they were wet and messy, and give him warmth when he was cold.  His world would have a total different look.  And if I would have birthed my son, I would have had about five years of bonding with him before I sent him off to school.  And when my son  became a fifth grader, he wouldn't be far behind or at least because of his environment he was raised in.  And from my experience with my three biological children, If I had birthed our son, we might have even had a shower to welcome him into this world.

I have finally said "no" to the countless "busy work" of assignments that have come into our home to "try and catch him up", because we still need time bonding, and him learning that he can trust us.  I'm not saying no to everything...just the stuff that is about ready to break us.

Our number one focus right now is trying to bond as a mother and child, father and child, siblings, and a family as a whole.  And unfortunately it takes time ... and life doesn't stop.

What is frustrating for us too, is that we look at him as a ten year old boy.  I should be able to set a knife by his plate.  But I forget that I can't when I see him cutting something on the table.  No one has taught him how to properly cut his food. 

I forget that when I send what I see as a ten year old boy up to take a shower and he comes down all wet, complaining that the hot water is "broken" after his 45 minute shower, finding he never soaped up or washed his hair we remember we put too high of an expectation on him.  And now Duane has to spend a week teaching him how to shower.

And we haven't even talked about his social graces.  He could say something that is so untrue, but he believes it as true, and no matter how many times you argue with him, he is going to believe what he knows as true...after all, all adults have lied to him, why would we be any different.  And what about the times he just says something that just puts a knife through your heart.  Not because he wants to hurt me...but because he has never been taught to think of others.  He has had to learn to defend himself in order to survive. 

And we are doing this alone. 

Remember, if he was birthed...I would have had a shower?  I'm not looking for things.  But I'm looking for support, and even a friend to talk to and have tea with.  Someone who could listen, empathize and definitely not fix our life.  And someone who could bring me laughter! 

We came from a church who supported adoption.  We also came from churches that support us.  And right now, at this very moment I stand confused.  Please let me explain.

I have heard countless times "I will pray for you", "praying" and "God will see you through this".  But truthfully I don't want more prayers...I want help!

I have those rare comments that come our way that tell me:  "how can I help you?"  or "if you ever need a babysitter."  And I've called those comments out, only to find them invalid.  Right now, to be involved in our lives would be extremely messy.  We, even as Christians, don't want messy.  ME included!  To be wrapped in our life, we would need for you to take a background check to be able to watch our son for a day or two so we could rest.  It might take just coming over and listening to us, and walking through our struggles.  It would take a whole lot of time.  And it may even take building a relationship with my girls, who are now questioning their own faith.  But like I said it would be messy.

And we, in our society of busyness don't have time to get involved.  We talk the talk, but instead we just stand from the sidelines to watch those who are called....and we sometimes pray. 

I'm in NO way knocking prayer, I spend a lot of my time on my knees.  However, I just took a few moments and looked through the book of Matthew and saw Jesus doing a whole lot of doing.  Healing, even willing to go out of his way to heal, talking to those who need encouragement, allowing children to come into his lap.  He often spent his time speaking to those who were forgotten and set aside, and reaching out to them.  A matter-of-fact, wherever he was, I see in the scriptures that Jesus saw everyone who was in that scene...I really don't think anyone was overlooked.  He took his rest when needed too.  And called out to God when he was emotionally drained.  And I have to believe that if he was walking this earth, he'd not only come and heal our son and baby-sit him to give us rest....but he'd reach into your world and meet your needs too.

And through our journey I have seen how I have fallen short.  I have seen how I have not been willing to get messy with the lady in my church who needed a meal, because of the physical distance that put me out of my way.  It was out of my way and would make me late to give the man on the street corner a warm cup of coffee and any source of encouragement. I didn't want to babysit for my neighbor as getting involved with down syndrome is not my thing.  God has put people in my path that I was to be Jesus to, and I wasn't.  In spite of my current exhaustion...I want to be Jesus.  I'm seeing so many of us doing life alone, and I am reminded in scriptures we weren't created to do life that way.  We were created to praise God, depend on Him, and build each other up.

Life was meant to be together.  Isolation is not from God.  And if I feel alone, or if you feel alone something is wrong. 

So I challenge you.  What is the cry of your neighbor?  What is your co-worker struggling with?  Who is sitting in your pew at church that needs a friend because their spouse just left them?  Who is God calling you to? 

I know, that my eyes and ears are going to be opened a lot this week.  I may be exhausted, and I may need Jesus myself but I want to be Jesus ... and a whole lot messier!

JOY

When I look at myself in the mirror, I wouldn't call myself a joyful person.  I don't laugh like I used to.  I take life so seriously.  And to be honest, I don't like the person I have become. 

I long for laugh-lines, and tears that stream down my cheeks because of laughing so hard.  And I long for my belly to just ache as I gasp for air due to true laughter. 

But somewhere along the line, I've become so serious.  I'll smile, and sometimes giggle...but it has been so long since I've let out a good belly laugh.  And it got me thinking...

Joy.  Somewhere along the line, joy has left.

I wondered what God would have to say.  So I looked at every verse that had the word 'joy' in it, and allow His word to soak in. I have fourteen pages of note.  But there were some verses that stood above the rest, and I have to take note to.

Joy is....

• a response and action, and a blessing.  It is a response for gifts and abundance.  A reaction when before God.
• belongs to God.  He is the source.
• It grows when people are united
• a celebration
• a choice
• an anointing
• gift from the Holy Spirit
• strength
• release of fear, causing celebration
• a holiday
• something heard
• a confession off our lips, laughter and happiness
• an expression of emotion, an emotion
• everlasting with God
• a sign of restoration, result of seeing God
• God's presence
• God's victories
• thanksgiving to God
• God
• an anointing oil
• praise, exalting God
• praise for salvation, salvation
• a song
• a plea
• from God that we give back to Him.
• wisdom

and my list goes on.

I think back to the times I have joy.  Its when I've been in God's midst.  Its been times when we have celebrated triumphs and celebrations. 

How can I get my joy back?  Spend more time with God.  Make a choice and choose joy.  Receive the anointing God has given me, and sing!  Look at these serious things in our lives and laugh.  Make a declaration, with thanksgiving in my heart, and a testimony on my lips of my salvation. 

So today, and the days that follow I will choose joy.  Laugh lines and belly laughs are coming!

YES!

The Holy Spirit prompted what Christmas day was to look like in our home. This year we were to bring gifts to Jesus, just as the wise men once did.

In the hussle and bussle of getting ready for Christmas, I remembering wondering "what in the world am I going to bring to the King, who has everything?". I then started creating one gift when the Holy Spirit prompted me to give another.


Our family had a sweet time opening stockings, playing games and just being together centered in love and laughter. It was one of our favorite Christmas'.

Then the time came ... in order to open our gifts, we had to surrender our gift to the Christ child first. Even with the confirmation of knowing we loved one another, and we weren't to judge one another ... the act of giving to our Savior was very hard to do. We had to remove ourselves, and reveal our vulnerability.

Duane removed the family portrait and brought it in. He mentioned how much he valued and loved his family, and has learned that he can't protect it enough, and needs Jesus' to take his family and care for it the way it needs. God does it better, and Duane will follow His leading to be the husband and father he is called to be.

Katie and Courtney shared poems. One a poem of how she sees God and who He is. Another a poem of brokenness and surrender of where she is at in her walk with Him, but a love just the same.


Lindsay brought a necklace that was once her best-friends. After two years of grieving her best-friend (who died from cancer), she has finally giving Jesus what she held most valuable: her best-friend.

When it was my turn I swallowed my embarrassment and gave my gift ... the gift of "YES". I was shown how my words are willing, but my actions aren't following my commitment. In other words, I have been a hypocrite. I told God I would follow through and act out in YES, and not doubt and question. God has given me doors to walk through and I have found comfort in the waiting for those doors to open, that I haven't walked through them as I should. God in return gave me a promise as He extended His hand and showed me TOGETHER we will walk through the coming open doors.

The Christmas gifts are all put away, the tree is taken down and the decorations are stored. However, I still see my gift lying at the manger, and my heart still giving it today. "YES!" I will not be led by how I feel, but trust God fully and TOGETHER we will walk through many open doors in not only this coming year, but the years to come!

"And I said, 'Here am I. Send me!'"

Isiah 6:8.

Merry Christmas from Our Home to Yours!!!!

Christmas 2011

Dear Family and Friends,

Greetings! You need to know you have touched our lives and we are so grateful for you!

As I turned our calendar to November, my mind quickly turned to figuring out what to write about in our annual Christmas letter; panic set in. I didn’t know what to say, but as I cleared and washed the dinner dishes tonight as the family rushed out the door, it was then I knew exactly what to say!

Our lives are full! Extremely Full! Full of Life. Full of Jesus. Full of Love. Full of Fun. Full of Friends. Full of activities. Full of each other. Full of passion. Full of good times. Full of challenges. Full of laughter. Full of emotions. Just plain full! We are experiencing a bounty in fullness….and LOVE it!

Duane remains hard at work, leading our family, being the homework guru and the spiritual head of this family. After 19 years of marriage this year, my admiration and love for him has grown. I can’t speak enough about him. Duane is our stability in our very emotional household! Duane continues at Amgen, in spite of the many lay offs this year. We remain grateful for his job. Duane is a back up leader at his men’s group at church, a leader in the high-school ministry and now helps with security at our church. But mainly…he is the go to man for us. We girls know if we need a problem solved, a listening ear or just a hug where to go … Duane, AKA Daddy. He is the best!

Lindsay. Our lives are filled with anticipation as we watch her finish her senior year and what life holds next for her. But I have to admit seeing her today as she was filling out her college applications brought some sorrow to my heart. I’m not ready to see her go as we enjoy having her around. I enjoy talking and listening with her …especially if shopping is involved! Lindsay continues in piano, bassoon, clarinet and anything else she can get her hands on. She was Drum Major in her school band this year – and as always, did an awesome job in directing, as well as leadership. I stand and look at my daughter, who is now a grown woman, and see her come beside freshmen, encourage, and embrace them; it fills my heart. Lindsay continues working in the church’s nursery and leads worship at the convalescent home. She recently got back from a mission trip to China, bringing back not only many stories but a much bigger heart for the people there. I celebrate her!

Our always active young lady, Katie, is just that…still active! I can’t believe she has started high-school this year, and can believe she loves it, as social as she is! Katie has continued on in band, and is exceptional on the flute…she just got placed in fourth chair (out of 9; beating juniors, sophomores and one other freshman). This is her first year in marching band and seems to bring a lot of life and fun with her. Katie is currently playing basketball, and will be joining the soccer team as well. Katie continues to attract little kids…whether they know her or not, she is mesmerizing to them and a whole lot of fun, and she often takes the time to play and talk with them. The kids love her in the nursery at church, and seem to always look for her! Katie has a gift of life. She embraces it, lives it, and teaches me to enjoy the moments!

Courtney amazes me! I just recently told her how she is my hero. Courtney is back in school, after being home-schooled and LOVING it! The lunch room conversations have been centered on faith, as others have different beliefs. Courtney remains bold and certain as she shares her faith and belief…she stands up when things need to be said – something I would never have done at her age! Astonishing! She is now volunteering twice a week at the Humane Society: one day caring for the cats, the other – the dogs. She loves it. She just recently joined a writing club at school, a place her imagination can run wild, and helps lead Awanas at our church. We are pleased to see the confidence arise in her and just plain astonished!

Me. I am so thankful to be able to still stay at home. I see now, that teenagers need the consistency, stability, and availability now more than ever; and I have the privilege to be able to provide just that. I am now a CASA volunteer (Court Appointed Special Advocate for foster care children; their voice in court). It takes much of my time – and worth every second and mile I have put on the car! I work along side of Duane in the high-school ministry and continue with my bible studies. I am fully blessed!

At the beginning of the year we were able to go to Disneyland and spend some much needed family time. We continue to find magic there, but now found as the girls are older, Duane and I could go and do things we wanted to do as the girls went on more rides. Freedom! Summer seemed so short, as it was filled with volunteering, marching band practices, VBS and our annual summer church retreats. Hiking wasn’t as much as we would have liked to do, but we managed a couple; Duane and Katie hiked a 14er. Katie and I celebrated our birthdays with my mom this year, which made a quick trip to California, and some special time just the two/three of us. We experienced sadness of putting our rabbit of the past 11 years down, but now welcome a new rabbit, Emily – who can’t seem to stay in her cage. Duane and I managed a couple nights away in the mountains that seemed to rejuvenate us for the coming school year, as well as give us the opportunity to have uninterrupted time.

Our home is full of not only the five of us, but it seems that every day there are additional kids calling me “Mom” and sitting around our dinner table or watching a movie with us…or dancing to the wii. It is true…if you feed them, they will come! And we thoroughly enjoy it. A matter-of-fact our family has also finished all the certifications for being a foster home for Denver County. Now we wait to hear what child will be joining our family. So, as you can imagine, our food budget is at its max; yet God continues to provide.

What amazes me the most this year, especially as we celebrate this Christmas, is how the King of the Universe, the same Creator who penned the creation and blew life into it all, the ultimate Healer, the source of love, joy, peace, strength and so much more desires to have personal time with me. Just Him and me, sitting on His lap or laughing as we walk through each activity in life. I have learned to cherish the time I have with Him, and it is that time that I’m able to see life through His eyes and love everything and everyone that comes my way. The Creator of time has time for you too, and as I have found every time I seek Him, He is right there to be found. I pray as we anticipate the coming of a child who is called “Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace” and reigns on His throne on high that you too will experience that intimate time with Him. He came for me, and He came for you.

I wish you all a very Merry Christmas as you celebrate Jesus!

With hearts full of thanksgiving, celebration and much love,

Duane, Karen, Lindsay, Katie and Courtney Archibald

Joy To The World The Lord Has Come!

The last couple of weeks we have had a bit of a scare in our home.  We have had moments of peace, sometimes even a full day ... but somewhere fear would creep in, and tears followed.  We have been waiting medical tests to know whether or not I had a tumor or not.  Like I said, the waiting hasn't been easy.  I audibly heard God's voice on the exam table, saying "I will get you through this".  I didn't hold onto His promise, but instead allowed fear to come in as I didn't know what "this" was.

This morning I was reminded of a similar story.  Please bare with me.  In the beginning of Jesus' story, we are told of another ... the conception and birth of John the Baptist, who will prepare the way for Jesus.  Zechariah was encountered by Gabriel, the angel who told him of the coming of a son.  Zechariah questioned the promise which resulted in silence until John was to be circumcised.  Months of solitude - not being able to voice his say in matters, not being able to voice his insight with his fellow serving priests, not being able to voice the intimate secrets a husband says to his wife, not being able to voice his feelings and wisdom and even blessing on the birth of his son.  

Mary too was visited by Gabriel.  Her promise was even more obscure than Zechariah's .. as she was a virgin.  Mary questioned too.  Yet a gentle answer and explanation was her response. 

Do you see the difference?  Mary saw Gabriel and believed what was said.  Zechariah saw Gabriel, and doubted the words off his lips.  Mary's song glorified the Lord and speaks of How great God is, her surrender to His calling , she was even thankful to be part of His plan.  Zechariah, even after serving in the temple, being a Godly man he was and believing God full well, didn't give God praise and recognition until AFTER John's birth and AFTER his time of solitude.

So as I have been waiting, today I questioned and wondered.  Did I recognize the Greatness of my God?  Did I glorify the Lord in song?  Did I surrender to His calling?  Was I even thankful?  I would love to tell you yes ... but honestly, there were moments and days I have been more like Zachariah than Mary. 

I am so thankful God works with us, and knows us better than we know ourselves.  He teaches us through life's moments and shows us His word brought to life.  I have the hearts desire to be more like Mary ... but bottom line, Zechariah and Mary both recognized God and brought Him honor in their own time.  I want to be more like the person He called me to be, and rise up to His plan and recognize how Great our God is in spite of the circumstances!

I can't help but hear the glorious words to the song "Joy to the world ... OUR LORD HAS COME" and that is why we rejoice this time of year.  Yet I rejoice throughout the year as our God Almighty came to earth in form of a precious baby knowing He was going to be rejected and crucified...so we may have eternal life with Him!  Knowing He is the same God today that He was when scriptures were written, brings me much peace and reassurance.  As I see He was a God who walked the streets, walked through the journey we call "life", with all the questions and pressures we have, but HE had ALL the answers!  Today that same God lives, continuing to bring us peace and reassurance.  He fights for us and holds our hands even before we need holding.  He wipes our tears and rejoices with us.  He is a good God and remains good to this day.  He continues to have all the answers.  Through Him and because of Him we are all set free!

And today we celebrate as He set our family free from worry and questioning ... everything was benign!  Thank you Jesus!  

And God Came

As usual, Duane and I were praying this morning.  Life seems to be a bit heavier than normal this morning, and we were laying our burdens at His feet.  During prayer, I happened to look up and pondered our decorated mantel.  And then I remembered ...

I thought of all the heaviness, then lies seemed to whisper in my ear.  You know the ones when you are kicked down, the "oh, what you are going through is nothing compared to so and so...save your prayer requests", or "you are so alone in this...no one will care about all this", or "you deserve all this".  Yea, sometimes I hear those words when I am battling heaviness.  But this morning was different, I kicked those lies to the curb as I stumbled on what I saw .. those manger scenes.

Why did Jesus come to this lowly place...a manger?  Why did the King of the universe, the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords come to a lowly place called earth, and a lowly place such as my heart?  The text book answer is to save us from our sins, so we may have eternal life with our Heavenly Father.  But this morning I am reminded of so much more.  He came.  He came for you.  He came for me.  But He came to set us free.  He came to heal us.  He came to carry our heaviness.  He came to wipe our tears.  He came to hold our hand.  He came to celebrate our joys with us.  He came to encourage, to give hope and peace and increase our faith.  He came so we can be more like Him.  He came.  And the beauty of it all ... He still comes every moment of the day, every day. 

So as I sat and started in my self pity of "why now?" and "why during this most happiest time of the year?", I told my Savior, my Lord of Lords, my Emmanuel ... thank you that it was now, as I am reminded He came in form of a baby for such a time as this!  And as the letters spell out on our mantel, P E A C E ... it still holds true today.  He came this morning picking up my heaviness and in return He gave me His peace. 

I pray you too experience His peace during this Christmas time, as well as the days that follow.

So Thankful for You!

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks;

for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

1 Thess 5:16-18

Thankfulness was my topic in my Bible study today. The following statement hit me between the eyes:  "Not everything that happens in life is His will.  He didn't cause the crisis that an individual or a nation may be facing.  He actually cannot give things that are not good, because he does not have them.  God can give only good gifts because He is good, and He has only good gifts to give.  So giving thanks in everything does not mean that the adversity came from God.  But when you give thanks in the midst of an adverse situation, a difficulty that was intended to undermine your faith and even destroy you enables you to take hold of that situation and set it apart to God and His purposes."  Bill Johnson

What does that mean to me?

To this day I receive question after question about our children in Liberia.  No one understands.  What I understand and share doesn't make sense.  But in the back of their minds they question how God could allow these children to be raised in an orphanage. Some question if we heard right.  Some doubt.  Some condemn.  And I totally get it, because I have been in the same place. 

I have allowed anger, bitterness, and disappointment fill my heart and close parts of my heart from God.  But when I sit and ponder all that God has done through my life...the big things as well as the minor, God has proved Himself faithful and true.  He has never left me, and has continued to pour His love on me.  He continues to show His goodness in my life.  Bottom line, a good God doesn't do something bad and I have reason to be thankful in spite of Elijah and Ruth being here or not.

And that is where I'm at - a heart of thankfulness.  Thank you God for providing Elijah and Ruth a home, food and provision.  Thank you for keeping them healthy and well taken care of.  Thank you for the people who have been placed in theirs and our lives to give us connection.  I am thankful God, you have allowed me to go and hold them.  Thank you for the hope that you have shown us throughout the past four years as we wait.  Oh God, I so appreciate how you have held our hearts, wiped our tears away as well as theirs.  Thank you for not walking away from me when I have been bitter and angry toward you, but instead you held me that much tighter.  Thank you that I don't have to understand any of this ... but I can trust you know what is best and will take care of it all.  Thank you for your love for each of us.  Thank you for never turning your heart away from me and remaining so good.  Thank you, thank you and thank you for you...I love you so much.  I choose to be thankful as I have so much to be thankful for, and through it all I can see how big you are.  I open my heart fully to you, asking and receiving your love in all areas of my heart.  I give everything over to you completely, today and everyday.  No more hiding, no more doubt ... but rather my mind, heart and soul fully devoted to you - and thank you for receiving it always. 

So on this very special day I say THANK YOU GOD for all these things, and blessing our son with another birthday.  Thank you for being the perfect parent in His life.  This special day we celebrate the evidence of YOU in his life.

HAPPY 7TH BIRTHDAY ELIJAH!!!!!!

God is on the Move

It has been five months since I have posted anything on this blog!  WOW!!!!  I admit the busyness took over my life, and thus there wasn't time to blog, but I confess laziness then just took over. 

I have been pondering the past couple months as to the reason to this blog:  1.  to keep our family and friends who are far from us informed as to what is going on in our crazy life and 2.  to bring honor to God.  So because I yearn to bring honor to God in all that I do (including writing in this little piece of cyber space) I write when HE gives me something to write.  So simply put; God has been doing a lot of stretching and pulling, trimming and growing in me during these past months.  We have gone through some pain through it, and I wish I could say we are done with this growth spurt...but instead I can say:  God remains faithful, and has never left me through this season of life and never will!  AMEN!

I looked back through my journal to see exactly what we have been doing. May 18th, I wrote:  "I was set on finding your voice yesterday, and knowing your will.  Isaiah 61 has been a calling you have on our family.  I believe it is letting loose on us."

Aren't there times you wish you could fully understand what God is getting ready to do?  I know I get that way every time I sense He is getting ready to do something.  I want to know what exactly it is, not out of lack of trust in him, but rather I am so excited I can't stand it!  Five months later let me tell you what I know so far. 

Gates were opened wide for me to be trained as a CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate) volunteer for Adam's county. What exactly does that mean?  I have the privilege to get to know a child(ren) on a particular case who is in the social services/foster care, make sure their needs are well taken care of, they are safe and be their voice in court for what they would like happen, and also be the voice in court as to what I recommend should happen.  It is something I thought I would NEVER do, and something God clearly said "oh yes...you need to do!".  When God laid foster children on our family's hearts I thought fostering was where he was calling us and so we are qualified in that area, but instead he has me in this role as of now.    I remember at our high school youth conference this past summer God saying to me "I want to do a ministry through you.  I don't want you to do a ministry for me." and giving me the sense this ministry was going to be in our own backyard.  At this time, this is where He has me...but I know He isn't finished with me yet.

Katie was enlightened at that same conference.  She was overwhelmed with a call God put on her.  She has had the desire to be a pediatrician all along...now she is aware of the HUGE need in Africa, and knowing her brother and sister are there without the basic needs intensified that awareness.  She has her eyes set on medical school and from there will go and stay in Africa to truly care for the orphans and bring them under her wing and teach them her love to read.  I can't wait to see that day!

Courtney has always had a heart for Africa.  She desires to teach, but right now I see the hunger in her to learn God's words and His ways.  God is building her faith.  I can't wait to see when her calling is much more clear to her.

Duane has been saying "yes" to God, and is ready to go on a mission trip of his own.  He doesn't want to be the person sending his family off at the airport anymore...he wants to go and serve in such a way, and to experience his own adventure with God.  Now he just waits to know what he has said "yes" to.

Lindsay.  Well, as I write this she is in China.  I remember so clearly the day she came out of her kindergarten class and said "Mommy, I'm going to be a missionary to China when I grow up!".  Now the day is here...not that she is totally grown up, but she is off and sharing the love of Jesus to so many who don't even know of him.  Lindsay is speaking in a college classroom, helping the students practice their English and when she is asked she talks of Jesus.  The last email I received started with an introduction of "In the most loving way possible, I want to say I don't want to come home."  I believe that sums up her trip.

So as I write and share with you all of these GREAT things God is doing or getting ready to do, it also paints the spiritual battle we are under.  When God is leading us on the paths he has set before us, Satan is doing all he can to get us off that path.  Sometimes he has, but God's mercy has put us back on.  I would love to say honestly my heart's desire is for God's will in my life, but I confess I struggle with earthly desires.  You know the ones:  new car, new appliances, a new paint job in our home, furniture, clothes...and the list goes on.  But I'm determined to cast my eyes on Him, the Maker of heaven and earth, the Alpha and Omega, the Great I Am and trust He knows and sees my needs and will lead and care for me according to his plan.  He remains my peace ... even in the midst of our storms, and that is where I choose to stay. 

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,

because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim freedom for the captives

and release from darkness for the prisoner,

to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor

and the day of vengeance of our God,

to comfort all who mourn,

and provide for those who grieve in Zion-

to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,

the oil of gladness instead of mourning,

and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.

They will be called oaks of righteousness,

a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor."

Isaiah 61: 1-3

Jesus 90 Days with the One and Only

My quiet times are just that quiet and mine.  I share with you somethings that God reveals during these times, but for the most time I keep these times to myself.

I am in a woman's Bible study at our church, and during the crazy Christmas season we usually take a month long break...closer to a month and a half this year.  We also take a break during the summer months.  I understand these breaks, as it is hard to commit when family vacations, traditions, visitors and the holiday themselves interrupt.  However, I don't like taking a break.  But this year was different ...

This year I decided it wasn't up for our church to feed me...help me, perhaps.  But they aren't to spoon feed me at all.  I was hungry for more...who said that it had to be through someone or something else?  So I pulled a book off the shelf that I have been looking for the right time to do and pulled it into my quiet time.

I highly encourage Jesus 90 Days with the One and Only.  Perhaps it even helps that our sermon series for the past few months has been on Jesus and this just intensifies what I am reading, or that the timing of  when I picked up this book was during Advent when we focused on the Baby born in the manger, which is where the devotions begin.  Beth Moore is the author.  And I know that she speaks so well to us women, but this book I recommend for you men too.  Don't have time?  It has taken me 15-20 minutes each morning...and it is the best part of my day!

Two days ago, I was reading my devotion and seeing the answers to her questions I had written.  That day was focused on Luke 5:1-11.  Beth had a different take on this passage then I have heard in past.  One of the questions she posed was "Think about the subtle differences between working "for" Jesus and working "with" Him.  What does working "with" Jesus look like in real life?

Hmmm, it got me thinking and questioning what I do and when I do them.  Do I do them "for" Him or "with" Him?  Beth's points were

1. Christ knows more about our jobs than we do.
2. Christ honors our submission even when our only motivation is obedience.
3. The same job subjected to Christ's authority can yield entirely different results.
4. Christ's willingness to empower us can overwhelm us.

Maybe it is because it is a New Year.  I don't think about resolutions, but anticipate what is going to come in the New Year.  And God has shown me there are some things that needed to be changed back in our home to bring peace. 

Yesterday the girls went back to school.  I went back to making the girls their breakfasts and lunches.  I also went back to praying over them at the breakfast table.  And let's not forget...the first day back of home schooling Courtney.  I also longed to keep my quiet times, as I feel so much stronger with them. 

Before my foot hit the floor, I prayed that Jesus would be "with" me, and we could get the responsibilities of the household done together.  And do you know what I experienced? 

My girls starting their days with a calmness they haven't experienced in quite some time. 

A unity that brought everyone together.

A hunger to continue to read the Bible in my quiet time, even though the clock kept ticking away reminding me that there was a lot to do.

I found more time in the day than I ever had before.

I found a new appreciation as the girls have for me as I brought our old ways back.

I have found peace. 

The girls felt encouraged and loved.

So I encourage you today...are you allowing Jesus to work "with" you, or are you simply working "for" Him?  The load is much lighter with His help.  And the amazing thing of it all is...He can do it all by Himself, but chooses for us to take the journey with Him!

And today ... I get to share with you, because my day's responsibilities have been done.  Thank you Jesus, lets do this again tomorrow!