The Assignment

It was a simple question that the pastor's wife asked of us.  To just post a picture of us standing in our favorite part of our home or property, and post another in our least.  I could have sent any ol' picture but for whatever reason this question really got my mind pondering.

And thanksgiving over flowed in my heart.  After days of pondering I realized what a testimony this home is.   What I have experienced in this home, I haven't experienced in any other home we had … at least to the depth.

We have recently remodeled a couple of rooms: our bathroom and kitchen.  It would be natural to take a picture in those rooms.  The kitchen is where I experience creativity and passion and able to serve.  And as much as I experience the joy of kitchen … it's not my favorite.  The bathroom is the gratest transformation:  something truly horrible and ugly now so purposeful and beautiful.  Isn't that Jesus in our lives?  How He transforms us from our horrible selves into something beautiful.  That could be it … but no, it wasn't it.

Do I post a picture of our sitting room?  That could it.  It is a room where plants surround me, reminding me of life.  It is a place I come and meet with Jesus in my quiet time, and where my intimate conversations take place with those I hold dear.  That could be it.  But I still had hesitancy as I thought about all the other rooms.

The laundry room, even though, the frequent mess of dirt trampling through and the collection of shoes still brings me a pleasant feeling.  The dining room is full of fellowship, intimacy, laughter and conversations. A place where I can serve those I love.  That surely could be it.  The family room is where the girls play their instruments and worship.  It has turned into our santuary where we have church now and we gather to watch movies, play games and where my husband holds me or my hand.  That could be it too.  Or what about the stairwell where so many pictures greet me and remind me of the good memories I have had with so many people.  Or what about our room with its solitude and the intimacy, love and embrace only a husband and wife share.  And the fourth bedroom .. storing the fun of games, creativity of crafts and sewing and such, and a place I can work or rather daydream as I stare out the window.  Or do I stand in the only room we liked when we purchased our home .. .the downstairs bathroom, the room we still love and are thankful for because it drew us here.  Or what about the rabbit coop where I'm greeted with so many cute faces and the fun they are.  And the back porch where I can sit and relaxe and soak up the sun and enjoy the beauty of the flowers that surround me.

As I pondered,  I have been grateful of all that God has blessed us with.  I have experienced His blessings in each room and each room is filled with His goodness.  I have a tangible reminder of a good God and the overflowing of goodness He has provided me.

I couldn't help but remember the day we found this house.  We had transitioned back to California.  We were trying hard to make something new, because we were determined to not return to the life and area we had known.  We were going to live somewhere new, somewhere different.  The realestate business was hot, and we had put eleven offers in different homes … all of them going at least 100,000 over asking prices - something we couldn't even compete in.  Our temporary housing was about up and we were running out of hope.  One thing happened after another, and we saw our now home on Redfin.  It met all the criterias, but I just didn't like it.  We placed an offer on the home still but way less than the offer, believing the bank would never accept.  But God always wins .. and the keys were ours.

I had a disagreement with Duane right after watching church on Sunday.  And true to form I retreated to

the place that always welcomes me.  I took my tea and poindered.  I was upset with my behavior and frustrated with my husband.  But I went and sat and confessed my heart to God there.  I sat and looked around and saw the beauty around me and thanksgiving filled my heart.  I felt close to God once again.  I realized then and there where my favorite spot was - my front porch.  It is there no matter what I'm going through my heart always sores towards Him and thanksgiving fills my heart.  It is there I welcome those into our home, and send off my love when they go - and God does the same with each of us.  I watch the birds, and the bumble bees and rabbit - even though it eats my flowers.  It's not my favorite door, and the porch needs some touching up - but in spite of that, God is with me.

The least favorite place in our home was just as difficult because each room is so good because God is part of each of them.  It could be the girls room as there are many times it is hard to find the floor … but because of the lives that fill them, I'm even fond of those rooms.  But then I remembered a room that intensifies my fear of the dark because there is no electricity, and the spiders and mice have been easy to find.  But also a place where we have had kittens born in there .. the detached garage, carriage house, shed or whatever you want to call it.

So today thankful that God not only gives us a testimony in our lives but in our homes as well.  And I am thankful He chose us to live here.

The Second Mile

It's not a surprise for those who know me.  I work at Chick-fil-A.  I remember the day clearly when God sent me.  I was having my quiet time and heard God's still small voice tell me to go.  I also remember me telling him "I'm to good for Chick-fil-A", but I went.

What is a surprise to you, is even beyond the passion I have of the company and the young adults I work with, I still struggle with knowing if I'm doing what God wants me to do, and if I do it well.

And what is a surprise to me, is how God still reveals himself through the "mission" He has placed me in.

When we relocated to California, I thought my journey with this company came to an end.  I was working at a different location, and the commute was just too far and quickly doing me in.  I called it quits after a few short months.  I was on Facebook in the middle of the night when the current location I work at reached out to me.  And now the rest is history.

I am the Administrator/Training Director at the restaurant.  I am using the gifts God has placed in me.  Some things I do I find quite easy to do, other things are successful challenges.  But no matter what I find joy in the job itself.

I would be lying to you if I told you that I don't doubt myself sometimes - not just in my job, but just in my everyday life.  I always question if I'm doing what God wants of me.

I have measured my success with what society has put before me:  including the type of job I have.  I have struggled with being proud of where I am, as those close to me saw me in the "fast food business" and in all honesty, I too never expected to find myself at Chick-fil-A.  Yet I have found many stories through my journey there that have grown me in my walk with the One who created me for just a time and place as this.

I don't have a "rags to riches" type testimony, but one that makes me ever so grateful of God seeing me and pulling me out of the pit I was in.  However, there are many others that are such more impactful and bring so many others to Christ.  And so I wonder how in the world can God use my story.

As the training director at Chick-fil-A it is my job to introduce the company to the new hires as well as share the passion of the founder.  Truett Cathy reminds us:  1.  We are not in the chicken business, but the people business.  2.  Our mission statement is "to glorify God by being a faithful steward of all that is entrusted to us and have a positive influence on all who come in contact with Chick-fil-A." 3.  How we are to go the 2nd mile …to go above and beyond expectations and develop unique experiences (based on Matthew 5:41).  I speak it weekly, I hear the words each week as if they were new and there is a quickening in my spirit.  Yet …

Yet … am I glorifying God?  Am I being a positve influence to those who I come in contact with?  How can I go the 2nd mile today?  And … am I doing what God calls me to or is there something else?

I had a little chuckle the other night as I read my devotion before bed, written by Max Lucado.  It was titled "The Society of the Second Mile".  Each word I could associate with my day to day journey with God at my work.  The words confirmed I was to be where I am at and God wasn't done with me yet.  However,  I was challenged:  "serve the ones who hate you; forgive the ones who hurt you.  Take the lowest place, not the highest; seek to serve, not to be served.  Retaliate, not in kind, but in kindness."

Even as I work with passion, I have challenges each day.  I am human.  And I work with young humans with high emotions.  I just had a couple of team members hurt my feelings the other day.  My flesh wants to just give them the cold shoulder, just ignore them.  I have guests that call and tell us how we forgot to put sauce in the bag, which was requested and how they deserve a refund and how frankly we stink at our job.  I want to cry, hang up on the call and lash out in words.  My first instinct is how I feel, what my initial reaction is.  But I continue to listen, apologize, solve and thank.  I'm to be quick to forgive and to love… shake off my sandals and still go that extra mile.  It isn't what is required of me to be a team member at Chick-fil-A, but as a child of Christ.  I'm really representing Jesus, not the cow.

I went into work yesterday for a couple of hours.  Nothing was going as planned.  Nothing.  Attitudes weren't at their finest.  And I saw a lot of flesh wanting to take over.  My flesh included.  But I have to roll with the punches, and offer the other cheek.  A team member wasn't feeling well, and I kept her near my side in the office, inspite of what I needed to get done that day.  One thing after another started pouring out of her.  Feelings of defeat and failure.  Being an only child and it's demands.  Pressures of doing what is right according to society and wanting to please parents.  Curiosity and loneliness.  Depression and anxiety.  What was pouring out before me, was the "younger Karen" I once knew….it was my old story.  And then I heard these words:  "Ms. Karen, are you busy?  Can you talk with me?"  I let go of what was on the agenda and made myself available.  God allowed me to connect with someone at a deeper level:  soul to soul, and I was able to speak truth over someones life, as well as encourage and give hope.  And today I pray over her.  I soon realized my day wasn't about training and customer service, but instead going the extra mile and walking by someone specific and to see how my story was used to encourage and connect with another.

I still am that only child, wanting to please my parents and whoever the authority figure is in my life. I still question if I do.  But today, I see my calling … to walk the second mile in it's flowery path and the muck and mire.  Mine is at Chick-fil-A and the simplicity of the community that surrounds me, and the family within my house walls.  And today I feel a little closer to the One who has gone a million miles for and with me over and over again.

Jonah … Or Rather … Karen

I have been laying low this week.  I have noticed that a bitterness that has taken over my soul, and am wise enough to know that I shouldn't be around people and affect them with my negativeness.  And I also know full well that there is only One who can remove such bitterness.  So this week I have been seeking.

My youngest came to me.  She is struggling with a reoccurring area in her life.  As she shared, I was able to discern that there was some lie she has bought into that she needs to shake off.  I was able to discern because I was dealing with the same thing … different lie, but a lie.

Today I felt a tug to enjoy a good story … Jonah.  I have always prided myself that I would go wherever God would have me go.  I'm a woman of obedience, but am I?

God sent Jonah.  He didn't want to go and ran.  But even in his disobedience those around him came to recognize how great God is and gave to Him.  God sent a giant fish to swallow Jonah and it was in the belly of the whale that Jonah knew there was only one who could save - and God did.  Jonah went to Nineveh, and spoke over the city.  Countless lives were changed as they turned from their evil ways and God had compassion on them.  Jonah became angry because he knew what kind of a God he served and that the people didn't deserve such graciousness and love. Jonah went off to sulk.  God provided a vine, which made Jonah happy and then God provided a worm to destroy it.  Jonah was so miserable from the heat and wind that he just wanted to die, and God reminded Jonah of who He was.

God sent me from Colorado to California a little over three years ago.  I didn't want to go, but I didn't run from it - at least physically.  I obeyed - physically, but emotionally I wasn't going to forgive God for tearing our family apart.  I resented Him.  And for the last three years I have been in the belly of the whale … misery from bills, a dysfunctional house, unrest in relationships, health issues
and lack of peace.  I have finally recognized fully of the God that saves, and that can save me and this week God has spit me out …. in Concord, California.  I can't say that countless lives have been changed because of where I have spoken over them, but I can say that I have developed countless relationships that have come out of the crevices of places these past couple of days.  God has compassion on them, and I have the privilege of not only having these people in my lives but I get to pray over them too.  God had compassion on them, as He has for me.  I still have held onto that seed of bitterness and have sulked that God didn't quite understand the fullness of how He affected me.  He provided a home that I have become accustomed to, and see so much potential in.  And it was less than 24 hours ago, I questioned if we would still have it, as we were uncertain of Duane's employment once again.  And it was in the conversation I had with my daughter, I am reminded of the God I have, and that He sees way more than I.

Oh Jonah … Oh Karen!


I read something yesterday; "interesting fact:  people over the age of fifty will start to lose their dislike for foods that taste bitter".  Now first let me let the world know … I'm not 50 yet!  However, the warning is just the same.  I remember my grandfather.  He loved me.  Yet, to be honest with my readers …. he was grumpy.  He always had reason to be grumpy.  He had an opinion about everything and judgment just the same.  He had a the brow of anger, and the tone in his voice just the same.  He lost his dislike for bitterness and it turned into a grumpy and a grouchy mess.  And unfortunately he'll have that remembrance.  I was heading toward the same direction.  But was wise enough to see there was a taste I didn't want to get accustomed to …. and I sought the truth.

I have believed a lie that "I get what I deserve".  So with that lie, comes the thought … I deserve to be away from my babies.  I deserve to have a broken family with miles apart.  I deserve this disruption in my life.  I deserve my lack of identity … because of another lie "I'm not good enough".  I never realized until yesterday the depth of these lies and their hold on me.  But enough is enough.  God has allowed me to recognize and today I am set free.

It wasn't about the move to California.  It wasn't about the goodness that God has displayed on me.  It wasn't even about the lies that kept me bound.  It was about me obeying God full heartily and full heartily trusting Him.  Not just trusting Him with my babies, but trusting Him that He saw something more.  Trusting Him that He will plant me and for me to be ready for whatever is to come my way.  Trusting Him with ALL that I am and ALL that I have.  Trusting Him with my identity.  It was about God breaking me free.

So today I sit in the solitude of our home, letting those things that are nagging attention to just wait.  I hear the promises, truth and prayers of the music surround me and let it carry my spirit.  And today I am ready to be unlike Jonah and just go full heartily.  I expect the best because I have a God that wants the best for me and those that surround me and have my heartstrings.  I serve a God who sets me free … and will set you free as well.

Facing Your Fears - Part 1

1 Samuel 17

Today finally was the day.  The day I dreaded.  I was sick yesterday and even hoped it would carry through to today, but it didn't.  Today was the day I was facing my biggest giant yet.

When I was a child, I was learning how to do something and in the process I made a mistake.  My instructor ran out of patience with me … can't blame them, as I'm not the easiest to teach, but still words hurt, the anger turned to be a lie of how stupid I was.  It was that day I said I would never do that task ever again.

I signed up for a class a couple of months ago.  I have been fearful, but had hid behind the grace of time.  And during the time I prepared myself by going to some quick lessons.  I look forward to the outcome as to what I am going to learn, but I was not looking forward to the actual process.

I came across my very first obstacle earlier this week, and it took some time to work it through, but I found someone to help.  But as I went to practice this morning before class the obstacle returned.  And that is when I had my tantrum.  Through the anguish, as I through my hands in the air and let the tears come out, I realized how big the giant was that I was going to face.

As I threw myself against the wall and speaking all the words I believed as a child, I knew God was walking me through a life lesson that in the weeks to come I will accomplish.

We hear in church how fear is a liar.  We sing about it, and it has become truth.  We are taught to face our fears.  The cowards, like the Israelites, don't face them at all and let the giants torment them constantly twice a day (1 Sam 17:16). And we are taught that once we face our fear, they have no control over us and we can be victorious and move on.   When we are told this over and over again, it seems it is almost instantaneous.

Yet God is showing me it's a process.  And it's the process that is the key.

There is a preparation that comes with the actual battle.  I mentioned that I had some lessons.  And I also did some practicing.  I needed more of these, but still I prepared.  So did David  (1 Sam 17:34-37).

We say it takes a village to raise a child, well it still takes a village to come around us to conquer our fears.  I noticed that I had my Mom who equipped me with tools for the trade and a team of people to train me.  David had his dad … his dad sent him to the fields (1 Sam 17:15, 17-18).

I woke my daughter up in the wee hours of the morning, full of tears and pleaded for what knowledge she had to help me with the first obstacle I was to face.  David's first obstacle was his brother (1 Sam 17:28).  Like I have taught my girls, our words can bless or curse.  Either way, what comes out of our mouths can not be taken back…so we are to chose wisely.  I'm thankful my daughter chose to bless.

I had my husband, who rushed in after my tantrum, laid his hand upon my shoulders as I sobbed into the wall, stood there beside me as I tackled the obstacle once again.  I knew he meant well, but the pressure and deadline that was quickly approaching I needed him to go so I wouldn't say anything I would regret.  And it was me being sent, not him this time.  However, I knew full well he was praying me on, and I know full well he knew exactly how big the giant I was getting ready to face was.  And like Saul said to David, I knew as we parted ways this morning as I went to battle, Duane was there praying "may the Lord be with you", 1 Sam 17:17.

Driving, is my best time with the Lord.  My mind was focused on what was ahead, but my ears heard the worship music, and my heart was instantly with God.  Words like:

"Though the devil try to break me, my sweet Jesus won't forsake me, when I'm in my Savior's shadow, where I'm supposed to be"

 "I have won, and I have lost, got it right sometimes and sometimes I did not, life has been a journey, I've seen joy and I've seen regret, Oh and you have been my God through all of it"

 "God sent His son, they called Him Jesus.  He came to love, heal and forgive.  He lived and died to buy my pardon.  An empty grave is there to prove my Savior lives.  Because He lives, I can face tomorrow, because He lives, all fear is gone, because I know He holds the future, and life is worth the living, just because He lives".  

I was entering the battle field, but I wasn't entering it alone and I experienced the value of worship.  David knew this fact too (1 Sam 17:45).

I was just a freckled face, long haired little girl with knobby knees and without much to offer.  I was tackled that day by fear, chained by it for many years that followed.  Today, I still see the same little freckled face little girl…hair a little shorter, and knees not as knobby … but feeling so small, just the same.  I entered the first round on the battlefield.  I came out bruised, shattered and teary eyed … BUT I'm still living.  I remembered who I was, with the help of my husband and worship … and David knew who he was (1 Sam 17: 45-47).  But more importantly I'm reminded it's me heading out to the battlefield … but the battle is not mine, it's the Lords!  (1 Sam 17:47)

I knew today wasn't the day for it to be conquered as there are a few weeks left, but I also knew God was teaching me how to face my fear and I was to remember.

Embrace The Moments

"You don't know what you are asking,"

Mark 10:38a

"Jesus said, 'Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.'"

Luke 23:34a

I have mentioned to you the place I have been in … loneliness I am now calling friend, which brings depression and sadness at times.  However, today I have seen the life around me … the housework that is begging for me to embrace and the little "to do"s that are on my list.  

I haven't had much motivation.  However, I have learned to embrace the season I am in.  But today I really embracing it.  

We live downtown in a city … BART is walkable, the grocery store is down the street and we are just a 10 minute walk to the center of town where the Farmer's market comes each week, the smells of many restaurants grab our attention, we can catch the newest release at the local theater, and shopping is at our fingertips.  We are a hop, skip and a jump from the on ramp to the freeway.  Life and it's busyness is all around us.    And yet … our little corner of the world seems to be a little country … critters and eggs to gather, a white fence and a gravel driveway, a little land to develop and a Ford truck.  It seems God has intertwined the country girl in me in the midst of city life.  And it works!

I have been searching for a job.  And I'm at that stage of life, I don't just want a job .. but something I can make a difference in, something I can have passion for and something I can believe in.  So looking for something just doesn't come easy … after all, God has always brought all of my jobs to me.  So yesterday, I let it go into God's hands and I have now embraced peace.

But today …. I haven't done much.  But what I have done is been reachable to the daughter who is trying to make her own decisions and share her frustrations.  A new little "critter" has come to stay .. and I was able to teach him how to explore his mansion we built for him.  My cat has been exceptionally social with me today .. giving, protective and loving, as if to say how thankful she is that I'm just around.  Creations have been started for my husband's birthday.  I'm home much more, so I am able to let the chickens out of their pen and spoil them with conversation and snacks and in return they have been very generous with their egg laying.  My husband may not walk in to a home cook meal, but he does walk in to a home full of peace.  I have labeled my not getting things done as laziness … but I just now have seen them as embracing my moments and the life I am in.  

I pondered the above verses in my head.  I know they are out of context … however, for me, it goes to show that God knows more than I.  I think I want a job, then He shows me to wait, be still, and embrace the moments I am in.  Now I think I don't want a job.  It is fair to make the observation "I don't know what I am asking" … because I don't know what to ask.  However, I do know I want to be in His will.  

I am thankful that Jesus, in his final breath asked for forgiveness for this very season I am in … of not knowing what I am doing.  Because Lord knows, I have been so angry, so condemning, so lost that I needed every ounce of forgiveness I could receive.  

So I will wait.  I will embrace.  I will enjoy the critters that surround me.  I will be thankful for the joy they bring, and see that God has allowed me to be me in the midst of it all.  And I will embrace the season I am in. 

Loneliness is not my friend … Embrace is.  And through embrace I have found peace and comfort.  

God I am thankful for You, and how You have been speaking to my heart!

Through Loss … I see I Have Gained!

I had a huge scare that started this past Tuesday.  Some of you it is no big deal … but to me it was HUGE.

I lost my Bible.

I am a woman of routine and I looked through all the spots that it could have been and then all the spots that it would more likely not be.  We were in a rental car this week, and I had my husband search the car.  It wasn't there.  Then as any woman would do, I went to look through it … even twice, and even a third.  It wasn't there.  It was officially lost.

I had it Sunday.  We had an event at church where 26 people were baptized!  We had a celebration, and had lunch at the church.  Could I have left it there?  Possibly.  But I thought I remembered carrying it throughout.  

We just started attending this church a little over a month ago.  We have been in a season of Lack - connection, identity and even it began to pull on our hope and caused hurt and pain (that we are still working through).  I began to question if God even cared where we worshipped.  It has always been laid on our heart to be part of our own community.  I can't explain it, but the pull on our heart is GREAT.  We know with all our being that this was put on our heart by God himself.  This church is walkable, and I can't explain how surprised we are to find exactly what we have been looking for - and in our backyard!  

I remembered a few months ago, that my Bible was collecting a bit of dust (at least in my eyes).  Yes, it would be picked up for church and I would fumble through the pages in the sermon.  I would even pick it up on occasion to find a verse that was in my mind.  But the actually reading of the Book, I just was too tired to do so, and was frankly a bit bored with it.  When I realized this attitude that was within me, I prayed that my hearts desire would change and I would long for my Bible again.

Ever since we moved I have longed for an in depth Bible study.  I would find women's get togethers but not a study like I had longed for.  I was even willing to lead one if that is what it took … but then the issue would be "who would come".  Hopelessness started to wear it's toll on my heart in this area, and I started to just accept how we have to make the church more inviting and "friendly" to woman and connect differently.  I accepted it, but missed my studies where God became real and even more powerful that I have known Him to be.   I never prayed about it.  I guess I figured God knew what He was doing and it was time for an "update" for my longings in the area of a women's study.

Courtney came to me and asked if I would do a Bible study with her.  She wanted to learn more about the pages she was reading, and understand its meaning.  My heart soared.  I borrowed a Beth Moore study from the church we were going to, and we have been in the word ever since.  I have been doing bits and pieces of my study and work, and when I'm looking up my scriptures I use my app on my phone.  But Tuesday night I wanted to open the actual pages, hear the crinkle of them when I turn them, smell the pages, read the gazillion notes and perhaps even add to them.  But it was no where to be found.

Wednesday morning on my way to work, I stopped by the church that was still unfamiliar to me.  I greeted those who greeted me with a smile, and asked if my Bible was found.  After giving a description and us looking at all the possibilities it was just not to be found.  My heart just sank.  But I was invited to cooperate prayer that evening … I mean it was a genuine invite.  And it was refreshing to receive.

I arrived to work, and this particular day I was my happy self, but just deeply saddened inside.  I never knew how attached I had become to this Book.  I remembered the dates of dedications and baptisms that were in there.  I thought back and realized that this was my very first study Bible that my husband helped me pick out.  It has to be 25 years old.  That means there are 25 years of notes in the margins and highlighted verses.  I might not know what my Bible references are, but I knew where to find them on the page in my Bible.  There were ripped pages, and tear stained pages.  It is this Bible that I would read scriptures that would leap of the page at me, and help me realize that the God I have is a loving, gracious companion and has everything under control.  This Book brought me hope in the times when I felt hopeless, encouragement when I was down, and offered prayers when I didn't know what to say.  I found many answers in this Book.  I also took it for granted.

I realized yesterday my Bible had become more to me than I ever imagined.  My Bible had become a long time friend.  My Bible was my lifeline.  And now it was lost.

I had even prayed that I was willing to let it go, if it would make another's life richer.  But my heart still broke within.

With all the demands of work and errands, I still felt prompted to go to prayer.  I didn't understand why I was prompted, and even questioned if I heard the prompting right.  Afterwords, I saw someone I knew and I told her that I was a bit down as I had lost my Bible.  She helped me look one more time. The usual places.  And I saw some people that had smiles on and hearts of warmth and would greet me in my search.  Genuine people.  Happy people.  I even ran into the pastors, and they would keep their eyes out, and gave me encouragement - except when they were empathetic, which only made me realize more of what I was missing.  Upon my leaving, another pastor came in our path, and the lady mentioned about the loss of my Bible.  He had saw it.  He picked up something that wasn't it, and my heart sank even lower - and he looked in an unusual spot … and then handed me my Bible!  I hugged him, as I hugged my Bible.  

This morning I look at my Bible and know the comfort and strength I have because it is near to me, and I have it available to go to.  Yes, I could have used the other Bibles in the house, but they weren't enough for me.  This Bible and me go way back and we have taken many journeys through valleys and mountain tops together.  

It was through this journey that I realized God hears my deepest prayers, the prayers that I would call even the silliest prayers.   God made me long for my Bible and made me see the value within the pages and made me see even the value I have with Him through these pages.  

And within the last 48 hours I have seen that God has answered the deep cries of my heart.  There are crevices that I would cover, thinking they weren't necessary to bring to God.  But God has shown me through Bible study, through a new church, and the journey to recover my Bible He cares about the little stuff and the spiritual walk we are on.  I'm so thankful He does!

Lesson at the Doctor's Office.

My soul seems to be stirring so much lately.  I can see it as a good place to be, but I also see it as a frustrating place to be.  I need clarity and direction.  And I can't seem to find it. 

A couple months ago, I just gave up in Chick-fil-A and put my two weeks in.  They were able to talk me out of leaving, but I did cut my hours back considerably.  I just needed some time to figure out what life holds in store for me. 

A couple months ago, the CASA office was hitting all the green lights for me to "go" and be certified to be involved.  Being that everything was being forced and going at lightning speed, I put the breaks on, because I need to know that is for sure where God wants me.  The busyness people cause, makes me not able to hear clearly.  And I need to hear God's voice.

It's so hard to explain, but my soul seems to be searching and confused.  I'm constantly looking for "what's next", what my current "purpose" is.  And nothing comes about.  I look at my job, and say "surely, there is something more for me".  And with the same eyes that see the job, see lack of hope there.  So I want to leave … and run, and never turn back.

My daughter was sick earlier last week.  She had her umpteenth case of pink eye … but this time it was really bad and in both.  We do things naturally, and give illness there time.  But this time, it was in me that we needed the big guns of medication, and a doctor to look at her.  

I made the appointment.  

I had other appointments that day, and put her appointment in the midst of mine, and thought it would be doable.  The receptionist told me to call back, knowing my schedule if I wasn't able to make it on time, because they were able to adjust accordingly.  

My first appointment took longer than expected.  I had to call and make the change.

We showed up fifteen minutes early for her doctor's appointment.  And we waited.  Two people who had the time slots for fifteen minutes after our appointment showed up.  And were called back.  We still waited.  

We finally were called back.  My daughter's vitals were taken, weight and height and we were put in the exam room.  Where we had to wait even longer.  I kept looking at the time, because I knew another appointment was after this.  The person knew what was going on, and knew I'd be late, but still I wanted to respect our appointment time to the very best of my ability. 

The doctor came in.  Arm braces and all.  

He moved slower than you or me, as he juggled his crutches, the chart and us.  I wanted to ask Him, but knew better and didn't.  He was the doctor.  He got around the exam room constantly swinging his body around, but focused on the reason he was there…. my daughter and her illness.

I felt God tugging at my heart.  I heard him whispering into my spirit.  "You don't see me on the other side of the door.  I am in the midst of something, have patience.  It will be revealed to you soon."  

I continued to watch.  And I admired that doctor.  

He was labeled with something … MS, a stroke … I don't know, but something.  He didn't allow it to stop him.  He had a vision and direction to continue his doctoring.  And he continues.  No matter if Satan is trying to stop him.  He continues. I'm sure he has hard days.  But he perseveres.  

I swallowed hard.  I remembered the girls childhood book by Max Lucado "You are Special".  I remember all the stickers that Punchinello gets labeled with, and how they start falling when He comes to know his Creator and then they start falling.  

Have I picked up labels?  Have I looked at my vision and direction and judged it as not being good enough and stopped doing what I'm intended to?  Perhaps.  But more so, I need to just rest in patience and wait for the door to open for me and know my Creator.  Spend time with Him as I wait.  It is there I will find the door.  It is there I will find the strength to persevere through what He has called me to do.  It is there I will find patience.  And it is there my soul will find rest and calmness.

It is with my Creator I wait.  

And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light.

Colossians 1:10-12

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

Galatians 5:22

Remember your Creator in the days of your youth, before the days of trouble come and the years approach when you will say, "I find no pleasure in them"-

Ecclesiastes 12:1

My Hope Chest

This past week I have had some glimpses of God and the relationship we share.  You see, the past couple of years have been rough ... I have been out of sorts, and even put God in a box at times.  But because of everything that we have gone through the closeness I have shared with God in the past t hasn't been there.  Please hear me out ... I believe God has been with me the entire time!  I just haven't had the same intimacy that we have shared in the past.  And I have missed it.

I have had quiet times ... not consistent, but I have had them.  I have worshiped with my worship music, I have prayed, I have read the Bible and I have even journaled .... I know He is there to receive my worship, my prayers, show me His word and read the pages that are addressed to just him.  But I have longed for the times our hearts are one, joy springs from my steps because of His presence and His words and my heart seems that much bigger when we are that close.

 I have missed intimacy with God.

I have missed God.

I have missed how He makes me feel.

I have missed the joy we experience.

And sometimes even though I know He is with me, and I know He understands the yearning I have of Him, I forget He hears EVERYTHING.  I was talking with Duane in the car, describing how I long for God, how I just want to clearly hear His voice, as I choked down my tears.  It was the longing of my heart.

I just didn't realize that God was going to be so quick to respond.  And I didn't realize that my life was about to turn.

I had a dream last week.  One that was clearly from God.  I woke with a smile and just longed to be back in the dream again.  It was simple, beautiful and playful.  One I have thought of over and over again in the days that followed.  The message was simple, there is beauty that comes from the valley, God longs to play with me and the Holy Spirit too.

Finding a church home has been a long journey.  One that actually started before we moved.  It has been frustrating, isolating and tiring.  God clearly told me that we needed to go to one church we had just visited the week before, when I was ready to go to another and call it "good".  It is funny how when God tells us to go somewhere, that all of a sudden I don't have to assess the environment, it is mine, and it is where I'm to be.  There is ownership and belonging that comes with it. And it is so much better than just settling and calling it "good" ... because when God sends us somewhere - it is GREAT!

Perhaps something happened at church.  I received the message, and it was timely.  I received worship and gave my heart to God once again.  But nothing moved me more than normal.  However, when I turned on "My Worship" playlist on my iPod, my heart soared like it used to.  I even had a dance in my step.  And there was a moment of intimacy with God.  And a smile on my face.

I do remember God prompting me to go and look through my hope chest, as I sat and listened to the message.  I didn't know why, and I did wonder if I was hearing things.  But I have felt this nagging prompting to do so every since.  So this morning I sat and looked through some of it.  And I got it.

My hope chest used to be filled with things I longed to hope for.  It used to be filled with things I was going to bring into a home, into a marriage and perhaps into the lives of children.  But now when you open my hope chest ... it is filled with the once upon a time of things I hoped for now becoming greater treasures than I could imagine.

When you dig through my hope chest ... you won't find anything of monetary value.  You won't find the computer, the dishes I am saving for, nor the things that take my time and energy each day.  And you yourself won't find much meaning through the clothes, papers, pictures and things.  But these are the things I hold so dear.  A box full of love letters, and a ring box that once held an engagement ring.  So many papers, pictures and handmade gifts that the girls have made, and given over the years:  apologies, adoration and love is throughout the chest.  Some cards from extended family and friends of encouragement.  There are baby dresses that the girls wore on their dedication days, a baby blanket made from my grandmother for her first grandchild, baby teeth of mine given to the tooth fairy, and many letters to God buried throughout each layer of treasure.  These are the things I hold dear.

Why would God send me to the chest?

To show me, that He has a hope chest just the same.  I don't get to see all of it now, but I have seen some of it.  The countless journals of our interactions, prayers - answered and unanswered, pouring of my heart to Him ... the songs of my heart.  I look forward to seeing the artwork I have created for Him that He has called it treasure.  I'm sure there will be glimpses of pictures He holds dear, but I believe those pictures are going to surprise me.  Some could be the memories of when I accepted His love for the first time, and when He healed me from the torment of lies from the enemy ... but there are going to be things I have done or said, that He is going to treasure, that I have just forgotten about.  There will be apology letters like the ones I found from the girls.   And this valley we have walked through and the beauty we have found in it, will be there too.

God revealed to me this morning that He treasures so many times with me, and probably even more so than I realize.

I want to create more treasure for God to tuck away.  Those things that are so special and please His heart.  But just like I saw in the artwork of my little ones,  it doesn't take much to please Him, it is those things that come from the heart...my heart.

This past week He has shown me that He longs for intimacy too .... and treasures it.

And He longs to have intimacy with you.  He has a hope chest filled with so much of you.  I encourage you to take the time to look through it, and see what God holds so dear.  It is going to surprise you!

Bittersweet

I guess I need to face the music sometime.  In all honesty, there are things in one's life that are frankly - none of everyone's business.  However, being that I allowed you to enter into our lives and know about the adventure, it's be fair for you to know where the adventure has taken us.

Not all stories are fairy book endings.  Not all stories are happy ever ending.  And this would be one of them.

RAD.  The devil's foothold, I believe.  RAD - Reactive Attachment Disorder.  I don't believe in labels, but sometimes one must label in order to know what others are up against.  RAD is what we were dealing with.  No matter what kind of love and care we poured into our son, it wouldn't be received, only rejected.  But it wasn't just about not receiving all that was given to him. 

With RAD comes a huge defiance, and much manipulation.  And with RAD came broken boundaries for our biological daughters.  Trust was broken each day, and not giving us much to stand on.

And without writing the many reasons we came to our decision, we spent many hours on our knees in prayer.  And we had to make the decision to protect the children God has already blessed us with.  And our son had to make the decision as well.  And with our answers ... our son is no longer.  A month ago he was removed, and his adventure in life continues.

I don't regret what we did.  I know that our son came to know Christ in the short five months he was with us.  He learned that life isn't just about receiving privileges, but one must earn them.  And unfortunately, our son will see in his next placement that things in this home weren't bad.  But it takes him to be moved from here to see what he had.  And we believe his next placement will be successful.

And even in this sorrow we have experienced, we have experienced God and learned more of Him and his gentle loving character He is. 

I walked away from Him, when all this was said and done.  I mean, how could ANYONE love me for rejecting a 10 year old boy.  For not accepting ALL of him, and putting my teenage daughters first.  A lot of that was the judgment we were under from countless of sources, but it grabbed a hold of me something fierce just the same.  How could God love me?  I had to of let me down, and turned to be his greatest disappointment.

My husband leaned over me at church a week ago and prayed.  RAD ... it had a hold of me.  Manipulation, defiance, broken boundaries ... all causing me to reject my Father's love.  And I realized how much I was pushing the goodness of God away, instead of receiving the goodness He has given me from the time of birth until now. 

So now we enter a season back to having a family of five - three teenage girls, a husband and myself.  And I have to say - it is all good.  It is good, because I have received these five lives as one of the greatest gifts my God has given me.  I am in a new season of recognizing the goodness of my Savior and receiving ALL he has to offer.  And I stand on His promise that he'll make even our son's life good too. Because I stand on the knowledge God is good all the time, and all the time, God is good!

JOY

When I look at myself in the mirror, I wouldn't call myself a joyful person.  I don't laugh like I used to.  I take life so seriously.  And to be honest, I don't like the person I have become. 

I long for laugh-lines, and tears that stream down my cheeks because of laughing so hard.  And I long for my belly to just ache as I gasp for air due to true laughter. 

But somewhere along the line, I've become so serious.  I'll smile, and sometimes giggle...but it has been so long since I've let out a good belly laugh.  And it got me thinking...

Joy.  Somewhere along the line, joy has left.

I wondered what God would have to say.  So I looked at every verse that had the word 'joy' in it, and allow His word to soak in. I have fourteen pages of note.  But there were some verses that stood above the rest, and I have to take note to.

Joy is....

• a response and action, and a blessing.  It is a response for gifts and abundance.  A reaction when before God.
• belongs to God.  He is the source.
• It grows when people are united
• a celebration
• a choice
• an anointing
• gift from the Holy Spirit
• strength
• release of fear, causing celebration
• a holiday
• something heard
• a confession off our lips, laughter and happiness
• an expression of emotion, an emotion
• everlasting with God
• a sign of restoration, result of seeing God
• God's presence
• God's victories
• thanksgiving to God
• God
• an anointing oil
• praise, exalting God
• praise for salvation, salvation
• a song
• a plea
• from God that we give back to Him.
• wisdom

and my list goes on.

I think back to the times I have joy.  Its when I've been in God's midst.  Its been times when we have celebrated triumphs and celebrations. 

How can I get my joy back?  Spend more time with God.  Make a choice and choose joy.  Receive the anointing God has given me, and sing!  Look at these serious things in our lives and laugh.  Make a declaration, with thanksgiving in my heart, and a testimony on my lips of my salvation. 

So today, and the days that follow I will choose joy.  Laugh lines and belly laughs are coming!

My Life, My Love, My Joy - My Husband

"God saw all that he had made, and it was very good." 
Genesis 1:31

 
"Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him."

Psalm 34:8

 

 

I'm reminded how much God created and saw what He made was good.  I'm reminded as we walk this journey of adoption, through the tiredness and struggles that I can, should and will turn and see what God created is ALL good.  In the midst of all this, I have not only seen but have experienced and tasted something extremely good. 

 

Duane.

 

"In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his wife loves himself.  After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church-" 

Ephesians 5:28-29

 

I have always loved Duane, no doubt about it.  The love I have for Duane has grown over the last twenty years.  But I have discovered more than love over the last couple of months.  I have discovered a true admiration.  I have remained quiet as I watch. 

 

I have seen a man who has come alongside his wife and wipe her tears, laugh with me, and hear my anger and let it roll of his back.  I have been frustrated when the same crime has been committed by the same child, and patience was worn too thin - Duane was there, and took over the situation.  I have been hurt when the kids have thought their behaviors don't affect anyone, but have greatly wounded me - Duane has stepped in to protect.

I have seen a man that has committed his time with God.  I see him in his Bible and experience his hand on me as he prays over the family and me. I have watched him set a boundary and get filled as he attends his men's group at church. 

And now we have a new son.  A son that has never had a father.  A son that will listen to directions by his father, and put off the same directions when given by his mother.  A son that has a different way of thinking...one that I have no experience with.  A son that doesn't make the best choices.  A son that has exhausted us - more mentally than anything else.  But I have watched my husband, as I watch our son.  When I've been in tears, he's wiped them, heard them and stepped in to make things right.  He has remained the leader.

I have seen a husband come in from work, not complaining of the state of the house, nor that dinner is take-out (once again). 

I have seen a husband who has chipped in and helped with the household chores that used to be more manageable for me to handle, but instead of complaining he remains thankful I'm there in the midst of the chaos.

I have watched what I see a pillar of strength.  Yet I know where his strength comes from, or rather who is his source. 

Today I have a new thanksgiving in my heart.  I'm thankful for God giving me such a man.  But most of all, I'm thankful for being able to experience God in such a tangible way.  Duane doesn't realize how much I grow closer to God because of how Duane treats me.  He doesn't realize how much more I can see how much God loves me because of how Duane demonstrates that love.

What can I give such a man?  What can I do to return my appreciation of the man I share life with?  I pray, as I do each and every day.  I pray for him to the One who is the source of his strength, and the source of our love.

My Heavenly Father,

 

First, thank you for the husband you have given me, the one that makes me one with you.  Thank you for the good that you made in him, and thank you for making him very good.  Thank you for the love that sparked so many years ago, and that burns with passion today.  And thank you for allowing me to experience you and see you in the man that is made after your own heart.

 

Father God, I know that Duane is only strong because you are his strength.  I know you are the source of his patience, his kindness and giving heart.  I'm thankful that you have given him that desire to seek you for those attributes, and how he has learned to lean on you each and every day.  I'm thankful you continue to grow him, and that the good that you created him in is flourishing today.  I see you are good, because I see Duane is good.   

 

Father God, I also see the trials he is in.  I see the heartache at work.  I see the pressures of fathering a growing family.  I see the heartache of letting his precious girls go.  I see how the world is using him, and abusing him.  I see his tiredness and despair.  But more importantly you see it.  You see how each element tugs at his heart.  And today I see a tree, bending over with all the demands hanging from the branches.  And I shake it.  And I ask that you shake it completely, allowing his branches to raise up to you once again.  I ask that all the demands that weigh him down, let loose and bring my husband the freedom and passion he has in you once again. 

 

Today Lord, I give you my husband.  Your word remains true.  You remain faithful.  You remain good.  You know the plans you have declared for Duane, plans to prosper him and not to harm him, plans to give him hope and a future.  And Duane will call upon you and come and pray to you.  He will listen to you, as he has done so many times.  And when he seeks you with all his heart, you will be found.  Thank you for your faithfulness. Thank you for your promises.  And thank you for making everything good. 

Today I rest in you, as I give you my husband, and thank you for making him the man you called him to be and allowing him to be part of my life.



Promises

Sports.  I don't know about where you live, but here in Colorado there is a sport or two and a team or two for every season.  If I turn on the nightly news, it is sports that cover the hour.  For the past two or so weeks all we have heard about is the Payton and Tebow saga...and it is always top of the news.  I won't even remind you...it's not football season, and we haven't heard one comment about the Rockies. 

I have never been a Bronco's fan, and more likely never will.  I'm not a football fan.  Our family is all about baseball.  Duane and Katie enjoy basketball.  Trading seems to be part of the sports territory, no matter what sport you choose.  As a fan, it is to the point where it makes it hard to get your heart sold out for your "favorite player" before the team sends them on their way for someone new.

Duane and Katie were upset days ago, as their favorite player got traded off the Nuggets.  Duane remained in confussion, as the Nuggets had just paid a hefty price to keep this player for five years ... but now he is gone.  The money is still paid, but the promise of playing on the team is broken.  My baseball team since I was little, traded in a player that won't be able to play because of penalties he has to endure, as part of a consequence to his behavior.  Yet he was brought in a promise to play, and sealed with a salary.  Broncos just took on a favored and well known quarterback for a hefty price of 95,000,000.  The promise is Payton will play and the hope is the Broncos will be in the Superbowl.

It got me thinking about promises.  A team promises to keep a player, and the promises are sealed with a price.  And in spite of the price, promises are broken.   

I thought about God.  Because I play for him.  He has many promises for me, and with me.  I was even sealed with a price ... an ultimate price - His life.  When I break my end of the promise ... his price has still been made.  I also so thankful I won't be traded for someone bigger and better than I will ever be.  God will keep me still.  He sees my worth and my potential.  He sees how much He has invested in me and with His coaching, all the victories we will experience.  I hold onto my promise in Him, and know it will never be broken, for my God will never leave me or forsake me. 

So perhaps we are in an era where promises of jobs are like shifting sand, perhaps our family's promises of get togethers don't stand to be true, perhaps even our promises of friendships come and go ... either way, I will remain confident of this:  "The Lord is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made".  (Psalm 145:13b)

Confess, So We May Experience More Than We Can Imagine

It wasn't too long ago, that I had to discipline one of our girls.  Part of the consequence for their choice was that they had to tell their daddy what they did.  What this child didn't know was I had already shared with Duane what took place, and all the details.  Duane was prepared to offer grace, forgiveness and mercy.  But most of all he was ready to extend his love.

But this child feared the worst, and chose to avoid telling her daddy. 

I watched my daughter agonize over speaking the truth to her father.  Through her agony, I saw her withdraw and her emotions turn in anguish and blame.  I saw something else ... I saw a father not only ready but eager waiting to extend so much love to his daughter.  As much as she fought the truth, the more her father's heart broke because he wasn't allowed to share all he had to offer.  

Then it struck.

How many times do I avoid and tip toe around the truth of telling my Heavenly Father of things I need to confess?  I have allowed my emotions turn against me and even others and lead me because of things I've done wrong, when all I had to say was a quick confession.  How many times have I blamed others, trying to seek out an excuse for what I've done wrong?  Bottom line, if I would just be quick to seek forgiveness I would experience more than I could comprehend.  I would experience a love that He wants to just pour out on me.  Forgiveness is already mine ... why do I forget?

I am so thankful God allowed me to see this, because now I think I am able to know His heart a little more, and will be able to step out and experience it even more on those days I just have to say "I'm sorry". 

"to the praise of his glorious grace,

which he has freely given us in the One he loves.

In him we have redemption through his blood,

the forgiveness of sins,

in accordance with the riches of God's grace

that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding.

And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure,

which he purposed in Christ,"

Ephesians 1:6-9

A Mama's Hearts Prayer

Oh My Savior, My Father, My Great God, My Friend and Love,

You have impressed so much on my heart these past few hours ... to get them on paper will be a challenge, but being the perfect one you are... I know you will make sense out of it all.

I have been convicted to repent to you.  I have realized lies I have believed, and where the door is open for the enemy to walk in and badger me with his lies and condemnation.  I see it and now I will shut it!  I see what I have believed since I was little:  the lie, I don't belong in the family I was born into, and then married into.  Somewhere along the line, I believed that I was unwanted - no matter how much was told to me on the contrary.  I believed it.  That belief has manifested itself in so many areas of my life:  others not wanting a relationship with me or me not being good enough.  Now I see it weave its ugliness in my children.  Enough is enough and I break that lie off our family.  I see that I am your child, wanted and redeemed.  I see how much time and love you have put into me, taking the time to grow me and see fully that I have never been a mistake - especially in your eyes.  We love, because you first loved us.  I love my extended family, and am so thankful for each one of them.  They are your treasures too, and you are there to meet with each one of them.  I claim restoration, and can't wait to see the day!  

Father God, I confess when the trials of raising three teenage daughters makes me weary, I immediately wonder and doubt I was ever cut out for adopting another child into our home.  I have figured that I'm not doing a good job with the children I already have in our home, how can I be responsible for another.  Well, truth is ... you called me into motherhood a long time ago and I am cut out for the job you instilled in me as long as I lean on you.  I see that I have taken my children's mess-ups and put them on me.  Their errors, are theirs.  Mine are mine.  You redeem it all and make it good.  I repent of taking on others mistakes and calling them my own.  I will stand on your redemption, and leading as I parent the children who are in our home as well as those who will come.  I will also stand guard as to what others speak into my life, and make sure I clarify what is said.  What you say is all that matters.  Your love never fails and will guide us through all of our seasons in life - even this one and I will rest in it!  Thank you Jesus for your constant presence.  Thank you for showing me where to close doors, and open them to you.  Thank you for making everything good. 

Today I rest in you, as you are my strong tower.  With you, I need no other!

I love you,
Karen

So Thankful for You!

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks;

for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

1 Thess 5:16-18

Thankfulness was my topic in my Bible study today. The following statement hit me between the eyes:  "Not everything that happens in life is His will.  He didn't cause the crisis that an individual or a nation may be facing.  He actually cannot give things that are not good, because he does not have them.  God can give only good gifts because He is good, and He has only good gifts to give.  So giving thanks in everything does not mean that the adversity came from God.  But when you give thanks in the midst of an adverse situation, a difficulty that was intended to undermine your faith and even destroy you enables you to take hold of that situation and set it apart to God and His purposes."  Bill Johnson

What does that mean to me?

To this day I receive question after question about our children in Liberia.  No one understands.  What I understand and share doesn't make sense.  But in the back of their minds they question how God could allow these children to be raised in an orphanage. Some question if we heard right.  Some doubt.  Some condemn.  And I totally get it, because I have been in the same place. 

I have allowed anger, bitterness, and disappointment fill my heart and close parts of my heart from God.  But when I sit and ponder all that God has done through my life...the big things as well as the minor, God has proved Himself faithful and true.  He has never left me, and has continued to pour His love on me.  He continues to show His goodness in my life.  Bottom line, a good God doesn't do something bad and I have reason to be thankful in spite of Elijah and Ruth being here or not.

And that is where I'm at - a heart of thankfulness.  Thank you God for providing Elijah and Ruth a home, food and provision.  Thank you for keeping them healthy and well taken care of.  Thank you for the people who have been placed in theirs and our lives to give us connection.  I am thankful God, you have allowed me to go and hold them.  Thank you for the hope that you have shown us throughout the past four years as we wait.  Oh God, I so appreciate how you have held our hearts, wiped our tears away as well as theirs.  Thank you for not walking away from me when I have been bitter and angry toward you, but instead you held me that much tighter.  Thank you that I don't have to understand any of this ... but I can trust you know what is best and will take care of it all.  Thank you for your love for each of us.  Thank you for never turning your heart away from me and remaining so good.  Thank you, thank you and thank you for you...I love you so much.  I choose to be thankful as I have so much to be thankful for, and through it all I can see how big you are.  I open my heart fully to you, asking and receiving your love in all areas of my heart.  I give everything over to you completely, today and everyday.  No more hiding, no more doubt ... but rather my mind, heart and soul fully devoted to you - and thank you for receiving it always. 

So on this very special day I say THANK YOU GOD for all these things, and blessing our son with another birthday.  Thank you for being the perfect parent in His life.  This special day we celebrate the evidence of YOU in his life.

HAPPY 7TH BIRTHDAY ELIJAH!!!!!!