Not Your Normal Tuesday

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

John 10:10

It was another Monday in the Archibald house.  Duane was coming out of a week off from work and entering the demands that just sat on his desk screaming louder as deadlines are approaching.  Courtney was heading to the dermatologist again, and having another minor surgery to remove some early caught skin cancer.  And me … juggling Courtney's appointment in the midst of two jobs that were also desperate for my attention.

I have enjoyed the life I live.  I enjoy both jobs for different aspects.  The core of one seems to match the core of me and it has been a perfect "marriage".  However, others have taken advantage of this passion of mine and have destracted me with demands that aren't necessarily mine, nor mine to even take on.  And the other is in the center of my community that I love so much and have much joy connecting with, and where I feel called.  However, unappreciation and disrespect lie throughout, as well as confusion.

I made a commitment late last year that would take some of my time this year.  Honestly, I felt a hesitation, not recognizing where it was coming from, but still decided to say yes because in all my logic: "I had nothing on my plate".  Now in hindsight, I believe that hesiation was the Holy Spirit, as He saw me coming into two jobs and life as I see now.  

And now it is another Tuesday, following up after a fifteen hour Monday, without any breaks except the to and fro in the car, tired and exhausted and facing burnt out once again.  And I searched my Bible knowing words in my spirit and this verse stands out.

I always hear the first part…be on guard for the one who is coming after me in full force to destroy me.  Yet I forget how he does it, through busyness and over commitments, and distractions   But today I rest on the second part of the verse.  That Jesus came so I could not ony have life, but have it to the full. 

He has given me permission and has given me a gift … life and embracing it to the fullness He has intended.  Where He has given me this gift, I will find Him.  

Again, a lesson I haven't mastered….but to live without saying yes to everything, but to say yes to him with a trust He knows what lies ahead.  And accept the things He gives us to enjoy.  It's ok to say no to things that keep us away from the things we love .. even if it seems silly to others (like my cats and bunnies).

I don't have to live with a plate so full that I miss the things that He has given to you to enjoy!  Because when I miss the things He has given me, I am missing His heart and ultimately Him.  And I don't want to miss that!

So today I ponder … what are the things I love in life?  What are the things I want to embrace and fully live?  My family - especially the ones who I share our home with.  The love only a husband and wife share.  I know quality time is my love language, if I am so busy how can I feel loved?  Spending time with my parents is important to me too.  My cats, bunnies and chickens give me peace and a stillness in my soul.  Time to be in my home, cleaning it and fixing it up brings an ownership and a place of serenity.  Going to the Farmer's market, eating God's goodness in the fresh vegetables and fruits.  Feeding my family by my own hands is important to me as well.  Going for walks or to the Y not only for the excercize of it all but just to clear my mind and fill it with His.  And even naps!  To experience rest, and in His craddled arms.  

I have been carrying guilt that I haven't had much time with God, and believed that God wanted me to carve out more time with Him.  He does.  But it doesn't have to be kneeled before Him for so many hours, or even with an open Bible to get so many chapters behind me.  Today is one verse.  And today I see that the gift of life is full because of Him, and all the gifts He brings and to be embraced so you can experience Him.

So today is not going to be another Tuesday, but today I will take the time to ponder and shift my full plate around.  I'm going to have to get rid of some things.  And put bigger helpings of  the things of life that I enjoy so I can have the strength to do the things He has called me to.  Today I will embrace…and as I live life to the fullest, I will be thankful to the One who is the center of it all.  And I will celebrate Him today - and the life He gave.

The Fork In The Road

My heart has been so heavy.  So many decisions to make.  And I'm torn in so many directions.  I have been prompted to write things down and weigh the pros and cons, but I just don't do it.  I have to vocalize my dilemmas but yet there isn't anyone to really hear me out.  Don't get me wrong … God's ears must be pretty soar right now.  I keep hearing from my close ones how God will show me.  I trust that statement to be true, because I trust my God to hold onto His promises.  I believe He cares for me and for the choices before me, yet I still don't have my answers and I'm a bit stir crazy with the unknowing.

My career direction is at hand at the moment.  I have a job that I have enjoyed the past six years, yet the joy is lessening the more I stay.  I seem to have more complaints than anything these days.  I have apologized that I just haven't been thankful for the job that I have.  That is wrong.  But it also tells me that it is time for a change.  Part of the issue with my job is the younger generation not understanding my generation, and probably goes the other way too.  The fast pace environment causes me to not be able to embrace the moments, and by the end of the day it is simply just that … another day that has gone.  I feel like I'm missing out in life.  Even though I'm good at my job, I'm also not able to utilize the character within me.  My heart is unable to show, and my mind is having to take over a mile a minute.  I miss getting to know people.  I miss being able to have a moment and see God in the midst of it.  It seems all I'm doing is grasping for God to fix the mess I'm in.  I feel there is more in life.

I have another possibility before me.  I had an interview today.  It was a few weeks ago that I told my husband that I want someone to walk into Chick-fil-A and see the person I am and tell me that they want me.  As I was cleaning out our study and reorganized I ran across a business card (that I thought I had disposed of) and remembered someone already came in months ago and did just that.  I wrote a "remember me" email and inquired if there was anything available.  A few days later I heard back from someone else from the bank about a local position that required 30 hours.  I told them I was interested, but did ask if there was ever a position with less hours as I'm entering a new season in life that requires more attention at home.  A week later I was told about the position I interviewed today for.  And it is a position that is rare … a job share position.  And one that would fit my need for consistency in a schedule, and have hours that would be a match with my husband's schedule.  It is a slower atmosphere and an atmosphere you get to know the people.  Yet, I admit that as much as I want to embrace the moments I also don't want boredom.  There is one concern they possibility is looking into, and that is the time off that is needed at the end of the year, as I wouldn't have earned the time off yet.  I did go into a panic when in the interview questions, I was asked what do I see in the future, how long do I see myself there?

And then there is the simple choice of staying back at home.  I know there are volunteer positions that I'm interested in .. .for example, getting back into CASA.  And being home would allow me to do just that.  But we would be back to a tight budget, which I don't know if I want to do.  My parents are getting to a point that they could use some help more frequently, and I would be available.  And my parents have been without the opportunities of my visit for nine years, and they are enjoying the time I am able to give … and truthfully, I do too.  It seems that all the growing up years and turmoil between parent and child are behind, and I have been able to turn around and appreciate the upbringing I have had and now can see the benefit of their teaching.  Dinner is not often on the table these days because of my schedule and me just being tired from the fast pace of my day, and being in the kitchen embracing that passion of mine (I have forgotten about) would be a welcome to my family.

My mom, with her wisdom tells me to follow my heart.  And today I've been trying to figure just what is in my heart.  I know my family: Duane, the girls and my parents are in the center.  I long to be available to them.  I have seen especially the past couple of months the girls coming to me, and I just stop to help them think of their own hearts.  They seek my council more, and I enjoy being there for them.  I enjoy having dinner on the table, and having our home feel inviting when my husband comes home.  I enjoy going for a visit to my parents and even sneaking a peak and feel of the salt air and the sandy shores.  But in all of this I enjoy spending moments with God, seeking Him, praising Him and embracing Him in the moments of the day.  "Moments" just seem to be a word for me lately.  And I want to embrace as many moments as I can.  I don't want someone else dictating my schedule.  I love sneaking away for a quick lunch and seeing my husband.  I miss walking with him from BART.  I love these kind of moments.  I was talking with one of the girls this past week, who stirred up a desire within.  She encouraged me to write a Bible Study.  She wants to know the God I know, verses the mean and scary God that others know.  She is open for me to share and for her to seek herself.  I want to write … even though I haven't a clue what to write about.

So with all this … my body is just full of the dilemma I'm in.  I see the benefit of each choice I have as I'm at the fork in the road.  And I know that I have to take the council of my mom's advice.  Letting  you listen to me has helped greatly …. thank you!