Merry Christmas To My Enemies

I sit here.  I hear the Christmas carols and worship music in the background.  I have the smells and beauty of candles near me.  The taste of tea, and the word of God in my lap.  My heart is content … at least for the moment.

I wouldn't be human if I too didn't have my struggles.  And my greatest battle these days is with two coworkers.

I love my job, always have.  Yet this battle I have has caused me to even want to quit.  It has caused me to have my tantrums and has caused me to judge, point fingers right back at them and perhaps even call them names.  I have told my girls that we will always have our struggles with someone in our school classes, in our work places and even church…where ever there are people.  It is just the way life and humans are.  My battle feels like a full blown war!

But as I read the Word of God, hear the music in the background and just ponder on the celebration of  Christ's birth my heart pierces. 

I think of my two coworkers and think of how I have enjoyed getting to know them, how much I appreciated them and loved them.  And somewhere in time it changed.  I'm clueless as to how.  I think how my child has been accused of doing somethings wrong, and I'm her mom … so now I'm in the wrong too (so I feel judged).  I think of how they may think I have the same role as them, not knowing that the demands on me are different and the role isn't quite the same (so I feel not understood).  I think of mistakes I have made, or how I may approach a situation differently and perhaps even disagree with way things should run (so I feel unforgiven).  And if I was them I guess I could be guilty of all of the above, and the negativity of my feelings weighs me down.  

I have had tears knowing that not nice things are being said against me.  I have had anger knowing that communication lacks when exchanging shifts because of the way they feel against me, and knowing full well of gossip that is hurting us being a full team.  I have wanted to come out swinging when they continue to remind my other daughter of her wrong choice she made months and months ago and how I have to remind her that her mistakes don't own her, they don't identify her, and she has made all things right.  I want to spit nails when they call themselves Christians and my own daughter watches and says "why would I want to be a Christian, when this is the example?".  So much negativity comes over me, mama bear even comes out and I want to ruin their lives.

But I ponder on the Word of God, I ponder the lyrics of joy, hope, peace and love that continue to sing around me and just ponder about Christ's birth….how we need to come and adore him, how he came so we could be saved and joy is here to stay.  

And then this morning my heart just aches.  

The two of them and me have something in common.  We celebrate the same King of Kings, Prince of Peace and Wonderful Counselor that came into this darkened world - a world that needed hope, peace, joy and love.  The two of them are crying for the same hope, peace, joy and love that I am crying out for.  These two are the son and daughter of Christ.  They were purposely created, purposely planned and purposely loved, just as I was.  

And my heart aches a little more.  This time out of love and conviction.  I'm not loving the gift that was given to me as I should.  I am not worshipping the very God who creates, and have judged two of his masterpieces.  

I'm so sorry. 

I have seen the world through its darkness and have been in the habit of seeing things as hopeless.  I forgot the power of the gift we celebrate this month.  How this gift brings light and will remove all darkness and the things hidden in it.  

I have love.  I have forgivenss.  I have have freedom.  This baby has given such an abundance, I have more to give.

And the very first gifts this year are to my two coworkers.

"Nevertheless, there will be no more gloom for those who were in distress….

The people walking in darkness have seen a great light;

on those living in the land of the shadow of death

a light has dawned.

You have enlarged the nation and increased their joy…

For to us a child is born,

to us a son is given,

and the government will be on his shoulders.

And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Of the increase of his government and peace there will be no end."

Isaiah 9:1, 2-3a, 6-7a

Confess, So We May Experience More Than We Can Imagine

It wasn't too long ago, that I had to discipline one of our girls.  Part of the consequence for their choice was that they had to tell their daddy what they did.  What this child didn't know was I had already shared with Duane what took place, and all the details.  Duane was prepared to offer grace, forgiveness and mercy.  But most of all he was ready to extend his love.

But this child feared the worst, and chose to avoid telling her daddy. 

I watched my daughter agonize over speaking the truth to her father.  Through her agony, I saw her withdraw and her emotions turn in anguish and blame.  I saw something else ... I saw a father not only ready but eager waiting to extend so much love to his daughter.  As much as she fought the truth, the more her father's heart broke because he wasn't allowed to share all he had to offer.  

Then it struck.

How many times do I avoid and tip toe around the truth of telling my Heavenly Father of things I need to confess?  I have allowed my emotions turn against me and even others and lead me because of things I've done wrong, when all I had to say was a quick confession.  How many times have I blamed others, trying to seek out an excuse for what I've done wrong?  Bottom line, if I would just be quick to seek forgiveness I would experience more than I could comprehend.  I would experience a love that He wants to just pour out on me.  Forgiveness is already mine ... why do I forget?

I am so thankful God allowed me to see this, because now I think I am able to know His heart a little more, and will be able to step out and experience it even more on those days I just have to say "I'm sorry". 

"to the praise of his glorious grace,

which he has freely given us in the One he loves.

In him we have redemption through his blood,

the forgiveness of sins,

in accordance with the riches of God's grace

that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding.

And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure,

which he purposed in Christ,"

Ephesians 1:6-9