Let's Be Real...

I have opened this blog … set up a new blog … posted a couple of times… come back to this blog….open it… and nothing.   I love to write.  I love to share my thoughts on paper.  But nothing!  I have nothing to write!

When I started this blog, we had moved to Colorado from California and this was a great place to write all the family adventures and all my "ah-ha" moments and share them with those who are now a far.  Now we have returned back to California and you would think I'll write all about our family adventures and all my "ah-ha" moments and now share with those who are on the other side.  But …

I have believed I have NOTHING to say.  And for the most part, that is true.  However there are so many thoughts, hurts and moments I have had that I have shared with my husband, yet didn't think anyone would care to hear about them.  Then I realized God whispered in my ear to start getting vulnerable and "get real".

Now I have focus and now I have much to say … you may be sorry. 

I look at this blog and I see the adventures of trying to adopt, trying to raise three girls, our pets, and my spiritual life.  It seems that when we moved back to California, I packed with me "I'm done" and "I'm not needed anymore".  My family has seen it near me, and even me calling it by name, and the deny it and try to push it out with the trash.  But I continue and bring it in the house.

And for the past two and a half years I have entertained this extra baggage.  Until this week.

You are going to be hearing about the adventures of a forty something woman and what life looks like in my eyes.  I feel like the years I am in are "forgotten" years.  I don't have children in school, so the younger generation thinks I don't get what they are going through and I can't relate to their situation.  I don't have grand children … so I'm not in that special club, and not even worthy enough to talk to them.  I have been snubbed off so many times because when I was working, I didn't fit in with the "non working women" and now that I don't work I don't fit in with the "working women" and the nonworking women have seemed to disappear.  I have been isolated and alone … and now I have fought through it to be able to recognize it and speak about it.

I am in what I call the sandwich generation … I still have to take care of my children (in a totally different way) and now I check in with my parents each week and take care of them.  Healing has taken place, and a different kind of connection has taken place with each of my family members.  It didn't come natural at first, but now I embrace it. 

However, the world isn't kind.  It's always been a hard world, but boy … has it been rough. 

There is no intention of being whiny, but there is every intention to be aware and make the world I see a bit softer and much more colorful. 

Welcome back to my blog!