What if?

Out of no where, our family has been hit. I don't want to give any recognition in the thief who came to steal and destroy, but rather confess where I have been.

• I have a way of seeing what is in front of me as truth.
• I still struggle with making a connection in Colorado. It seems to be an ongoing struggle. I have met many people, but still long to have a relationship where I can call to go out for a cup of coffee or go shopping with, or better yet - they call me. I allowed jealousy and envy come into our marriage, because of it. I even let confusion come into our family as to where our place of worship should even be. Connection...everyone longs for it, to have identity and be recognized.
• In a matter of a few hours, I was facing some health issues in a routine exam and the health of our youngest was resurfacing once again, which brought on doubt in the decisions we made when she was just three. I even questioned my mothering.
• At that same doctor's visit I was all of a sudden dealing with things I have already dealt with (spiritually) and thought it was all over. I was reminded of my lack of identity and condemned because of it. I was labeled over and over, never seeing one of them coming.

After seeking some prayer, and casting off the enemy's lies, I have come to praise the God I have. Through prayer and praising I am restored. Today I heard two words - what if. I didn't quite understand these words until I stewed over them a while longer as I continued to seek God.

What if ... I saw things beyond what is in front of me, if I saw things through the One who is able?

What if ... I didn't focus on connection, but rather trusted God who moved us here and rested in that?

What if ... I am allowed to experience the loss of connection, the lack of conversation, the fellowship with a friend so I may experience the heart of Gods'?

What if ... I wasn't jealous of Duane's connections and lifestyle, and yet was thankful He has blessed my husband so, and made Duane more connected to his family, and a stronger spirtual leader in our home because of this relocation?

What if ... I wasn't so quick to look elsewhere for connection but stayed where I was and allowed God to connect with me?

What if ... I remained in the peace God gave us many years ago as our daughter was given the right doctors and surgeons and through the decisions we made?

What if ... I sought the Healer who ultimately healed our daughter, and rested in the knowing He could heal her and me again?

What if ... I allowed God to come in and remind me that I am His, and that is my identity?

As I pondered these "what ifs", I found the answer to the question I have been searching for - I would be in the place God wants us all to be in - a place with Him, and a place of praise!

Today I will continue to praise God for He is faithful and true. I praise Him for His provisions and protection. I praise Him for His heart to be a forever best-friend in my life, who is interested in me, caring, compassionate and always ready for a conversation. I praise God for His creation in Duane and our family, and how I can see Him doing good things in each of us. I praise God that He can fix all things, provide all things so I don't have to! I praise God for He can be seen each day. I praise God who heals because of the abundance of love He has for each of us. I praise God for my salvation and His acceptance that I am His. He is worthy of ALL my praise!

Now, if you excuse me... I am going to run to have a cup of hot chocolate and some long awaited conversation with my best-friend!