A Heart Like His

I have sought God about what to write on this blog, nothing came to me - until this morning when I was watching TV.  The host this morning had a guest who was an advocate for pets...specifically dogs and cats, which just brought out the passion on this matter in the host.  I knew then exactly what I was to say. 

Please don't get me wrong.  I LOVE animals.  Anyone who knows me will verify this fact.  Anyone who has been to our home has experienced our small zoo.  Even those who do know me don't know how much I am of my great-grandmother's who had a huge heart for our furry friends.  I see God in His creation...how creative God is to create such a variety, as well as the instinct and abilities in each one.  Amazing!  I also believe these creatures have been put on this earth for us to take care of.  But I believe animals are God's fun and creativeness not the center of His heart.  We, His people are.  And it is clear He has a special place for the fatherless and widows.

Sing to God, sing praise to his name, 

extol him who rides on the clouds -

his name is the Lord

and rejoice before him.

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,

is God in his holy dwelling.

God sets the lonely in families,

he leads forth the prisoners with singing;

but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.  

Psalm 68: 4-6

As I sat and watched these furry friends on TV, my heart ached for something much bigger.   I grew in frustration as I am constantly reminded of the neglect of animals, yet knowing that 153,000,000 children across the world have lost one or both of their parents needing a home, a mom, and/or dad - needing hope. 

So many people think of adoption when it comes to orphans.  Granted, children deserve a home, a mom and dad, a bed to call their own - hope and a future.  We all have it, why can't they?  However, I am fully aware not everyone is called to adopt, but we are all called to care for the orphans.  I have heard excuses such as "I wish we could, but it isn't my thing" or "I don't have the space for another child" or "I just can't financially do it".   And the result remains the same as we turn a deaf ear and a blind eye toward the huge need.  What if I told you that you don't have to have space for a child?  Or you don't have to offer one penny?  and what if I told you ... this is your thing, because God has commanded it on all of us? 

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: 

to look after orphans and widows in their distress

and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. 

James 1:27

Do you have a concern with all the news these days?  Do you wonder where our world is heading to?  Do something about it ... the future isn't in the dogs and cats we save, but rather the children you see on your block or in the neighborhood school or park.  The future is in the children that are on welfare, and the children who don't have to worry where they lay their head at night.  The future is those children in the cities as well as those out on the country farms.  The future are the children that are in Africa, Ukraine, China and here in the US.  Children are our future, and if you want to change the way our country is going ... INVEST in a life of a child.

But yet I hear, "How?  I have nothing to offer."  And that is where you are so wrong. 

Those of you who have a passion and a calling, and you clearly know God has laid it on your heart ... adoption is a key way to give hope to a child, and change the direction in that child's life.  Now is the time...there are boys and girls waiting for a home, waiting just for you.  Please see links at the bottom of this post.

Maybe adoption isn't fully what you are called to do, but have the room to bring a child in.  Have you considered fostering?  There are so many children who need the consistency a parent has to offer, yet don't have it.  So many counties need your help - call yours today.  (Adams and Denver county has the greatest need in Colorado.)

CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate).  Get to know a child or a family of children who have been pulled from their home, protect a child's rights and ensure their safety - be their voice in court.  http://www.casaforchildren.org/site/c.mtJSJ7MPIsE/b.5301295/k.BE9A/Home.htm

Can you be a friend?  What about the big-brother/big-sister program?  The children signed up in this program seek help with their homework as well as a mentor in their life.  You have so much to offer, all your hobbies and talents will bring healing, knowledge and connection.  http://www.biglittlecolorado.org/

What about the single mom or single dad down the street?  Can you bring their children over to your home and play with them?  What a double blessing!  Not only can you touch the life of these children, but give the mom/dad a break!

Do you have extra newish stuffed-animals?  Take them to your nearest police station and donate them.  Why?  These officers have the hardest job - removing children out of unsafe conditions and bringing them to a new place.  These children are traumatized, hurt and angry.  A stuffed animal can be just the ticket to prove to the child that these officers aren't the bad guys!

Maybe you do have some extra money you can give.  I have listed some websites for you to consider donating to.  I also have some sites that you can sponsor a child through, and receive letters from your sponsor child...and even have the opportunity to visit!  But I encourage you to do more that write a check.  Even though these charities are in desperate need, it is easy to write a check ... get involved with the life of a child. 

http://www.addyshope.com/
http://www.adoptuskids.org/
http://www.hopefororphans.org/display.asp?page=home
http://www.icareaboutorphans.org/
http://www.lifesongfororphans.org/
http://www.streetsofhope.org/
http://www.compassion.com/
http://theshepherdscrook.org/
http://www.watoto.com/home


That should be enough to get you started.

Get involved!  You will not only be changing a life of a child ... but I guarantee yours will be changed too!

This Crazy Journey called Life - Part One

I'm sorry I haven't been posting much these days.  If I had to post a couple of weeks ago, I know it would have been a pretty depressing post.  I didn't know what God had for us, and felt so lost, as I have hidden the secret that the three children we thought were coming to our home are not.  I wondered if I am hearing God correctly as it was, and was afraid to hear comments from my readers as to "another adoption journey to an end" or even sense your judgement.  I felt forgotten and bruised from hitting another brick wall. 

I am also at that age where my girls are older, more self-confident (which is what we want for them), and wondering ... what is my purpose now?

I didn't want to hear every one's two cents.  I wanted to hear God and only God.

I have an addiction.  I look at children who need to be adopted constantly.  It seems that there was this panic inside of me, that I need to find the right child God has for our home.  The stress of "is this the one" constantly weighed on me. 

And then God showed up ...

First, I was shown sin in my life that I had to make right with God.  I had allowed the enemies lies in, and started to believe them.  I was constantly saying "I'm not hearing God", when the truth was; I was.  But I kept denying God, and believing what I was saying.  My life with God was quiet because I had chose it, not Him.  Repentance and forgiveness was in order.

And then I was able to hear God clearly...

God showed me a woman, who I have envied and became jealous of.  I couldn't even have conversations with this woman because of my jealousy.  You see, this woman started the adoption process at the same time we had.  Hers came together lickity split.  Ours is ... well, you know that story.  She had her family.  She went after what was on her heart, and had completion.  Her journey was hard, as she dealt with RAD and other issues that came into their home with the child.  She even gave me words of advice, that were negative and not encouraging because of the hardships she was dealing with.  She has had this child for over a year.  But now ... this woman has had to let this child go.  This child didn't work out in their home, and she is feeling really depressed over her loss.  I'm sure she has questioned everything.

God asked me "are you jealous of her now"?    And the truth is - "no, no I'm not".  I hurt for her.  I don't want to experience the pain she is in now, have all the questions that are running through her head or hurting as a mom of the disappointment it has left her other children.  No, I am far from jealous now. 

God gives us our stories.  God gives us our victories in the right time for them.  God gives us our break through, when we are ready to see Him as the One who is able.  God knows what we can handle, and knows what exactly we need to learn to equip us on the journey He has us on.  God loves us.  God protects us.  God knows us better than we know ourselves.  And God knows the bigger picture!

The rush I am on to get a child into our home in the way of adoption, has been tilted off.  I have discovered that God's ways are best.  He knows what child should be in our home.  He knows what family each orphan needs.  He is the perfect matchmaker.

I was also reminded from God, that He did not put "adoption" on my heart, but rather a little boy named Elijah on my heart.  Ruth became the added bonus.   I'm not to pursue adoption.  I'm not to pursue even Elijah and Ruth, as He has made it clear to let them go in His hands.  What I have learned is that I am to pursue Him.  So these past few weeks, as our posting has been non-existent, that is exactly what I've been doing.  Pursuing Him.  Finding Him.  Finding Peace.  Finding Love.  Finding Protection.  Finding a new passion in Him.  If He puts another child on our hearts He'll show us.  I can remain in confidence of that, as I am pursuing Him.

I have so much more to share of this journey I am on.  But for now, I'll let you ponder these words.  And give you your own chance to pursue Him. 

Delayed Beginning

We have been hussling.  Being that Duane and I are both throwers and don't like to keep anything that we know we aren't going to be using, we wonder how we have a daughter that keeps everything!  It also happens to be the daughter that will be sharing her room with two other girls.  Needless to say, we have been doing a LOT of throwing out and have filled the garbage.  May I also add that she isn't my most organized child, and puts anything anywhere ... surprised to say, it has taken me four full days to go through her room!

My parents are coming next week too.  We are always excited this time of year, for it is the time they come here and we get them all to ourselves.  But my house is totally not ready!

My carpets are going to be cleaned on Friday...a totally welcomed gift!  But may I remind you of all that needs to be done, in order for that cleaning?  I think I have decided to take everything out of my one daugher's room because of the lack of cleanliness.

We received a call yesterday that it looks like our new additions will not be joining us for Christmas.  We are a bit sad, because everyone should be home for Christmas.  However, when I see all the details I would like done before a new chaos enters our home this is a welcomed gift.

It appears we need to take a class, have first-aid and CPR, and get more fingerprints done ... then they can come.  So in the midst of craziness in our home, we have more to do to bring these kids in.  And we will do it, because God is our strength.

Love His Children

I confess I'm a detailed person, and I guard my heart like most.  When I do completely surrender everything to God I find a new enjoyment in life.  BUT there always seems to be some point I start asking questions through a panic state and then try to work out the details.

I'm at that point.

What I didn't mention yesterday was the time table of everything.  I'm on vacation for a week.  I will also only have one week to get ready:  organizing rooms, setting up beds and Christmas shop.  It can be done - but it's going to take a lot of effort.

During my time of preparing, planning and working out details, I heard my doubt question "What if this doesn't work out, and these kids don't stay?".

First, I remembered sitting in my pastor's office seeking his counsel.  His advise for me was to learn to recognize this voice and cast it off.  So that is what I did.  And then I turned that very question back to God.

You know what He told me?  "To love His children and He'll take care of the details."  

So that is what I'll do.  I don't know the outcome, and I don't know what the details look like but I do know that I can love as He continues to love me.

When I vision these new additions in our home ... I know that our schedules will be more than full, the dinner table will be full, the house will be full and the car will be at it's maximum capacity ... and our hearts will be overfilled with love.  We look forward to following this adventure we are on.

THE Call

Today was a bad morning...extremly bad.  I didn't have a nice thing to say to anyone, I'm ashamed to say.  The girls seem not to be making wise choices.  There is always one day like this when one parent is away.  I'm exhausted, as I am trying to do all the day to day stuff as well as getting ready to make my get-a-way.  The stress of it all isn't becoming on me this morning.  This just isn't a good morning.

Apparently the phone rang, because there is a message.

It's our social worker.

Apparently there are some children in the Colorado system who are in need of  permanent home as of yesterday.

After consulting Duane - I called.

I can't explain the knowing we have that these kids belong with us, but there is that knowing.  So many things have simply worked out.  Too many things I was hearing and sensing....all making sense now that it is exposed.

God's timing is perfect.  As we weren't excited about the timing of Duane's trip, but find that this is to be a perfect gift to be able to get restored and energized as we try to juggle a new transition in our home.

We have let go, and we can finally breathe again.  We have allowed God's leadership on this journey once again.

We casted our net.  We caught more than our fill, for God has abundantly filled it.

We are standing up to this calling, and I am doing it scared - but the odd thing is - I have found an over abundance of peace that fill both of us instead.

And as for our evidence of our double portion ...we are going from three kids to six.  Yes, that's right...three more kids are coming into our home!

This is the craziest ride we've been on with God.  But we're enjoying the ride!

We received an email from our social worker that said "Karen, I never get calls about children waiting in the foster care system.  The call came to me at my agency in __.  It was just so weird and out of the blue.  Very interesting!"

We think it is ... very God!

Our Double Portion

Instead of their shame my people will receive a double portion,

and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance;

and so they will inherit a double portion in their land,

and everlasting joy will be theirs.

Isaiah 61:7

There has been an awesome out pouring of God on our church these past couple of years.  We have been privileged to hear so many healings, so many encounters of God and many, many miracles - and all unique and different from the one before.  Our family has each experienced God's healing ourselves at different times and in different areas.  We are grateful. 

When our senior pastor retired, and our new pastor stepped up to the role, the double portion (like Elijah to Elisha) was passed to the new pastor, who in turn did not keep it to himself but yet shared it with each person in the congregation.  As he prayed over each person - young and old, we all sought something - I sought the gift of prophesy and a deeper belonging with God.  It was my heart's cry to be exactly where God wanted me, and I longed to see His favor.

I can't say I have seen tangible evidence of my double portion.  Yet peace remains.  And favor upon me rests.  But I do confess I'd like to see tangible evidence.

Beth Moore read the above verse during our study.  Something stirred within me.  Will I finally see the evidence I have longed for?  Only  time will tell.

Do It Scared!

Duane and I continue to see things differently. He believes a child is coming here locally and I still believe he/she is coming from Africa. However, I question if my belief is because my heart is still in Africa and it's just too wrapped up in the passion for this continent.




I have contacted social workers about kids in our American system, only to receive letters of rejections because we aren't the best matched family - at least by what the paperwork shows them.


As I continued to look into these foster-adopt kids, my heart breaks for them. All these kids are in the system because of somesort of abuse, neglect or parents choosing drugs and alcohol over their own. My heart went out to them. But may I remind you, that I have three girls that I must protect. Through all these rejection letters, and the evidence why we aren't the best matched family I have become very scared. My heart is full of compassion for these kids, but fear of the after affects of what these kids have gone through just keep me more than an arm's length away.


"Do it scared!" is what I am reminded - and more than once.


I remember a specific lesson in my Beth Moore study. We were studying Our Inheritance - how we are heirs of God and co-heirs of Christ. She said that we must press through fear to possess our land of promise (which is what God's calling on our lives). She also states that there will always be a river of fear seperating us from that promised land. The calling we have is something we're afraid of. She challenged us to press through that fear - do it scared! It is through the process of pressing on, fear will be removed.


The list goes on why all these kids are in the foster system - all the reasons that scared me. Please tell me this isn't my calling! I reminded God - "do You remember my heart for Africa that you gave me?" I know the kids there have issues too, such as abandonment and neglect - but "please God don't call me somewhere else!"


However, the evidence shows us the bottom line - emails of rejections keep coming in. Not only are we continually rejected, but continue to see the many many labels our society puts on these kids. These labels just cause me to second guess our pursuit for adoption.


We keep hitting closed doors - this journey we are on, just seems pointless.

Cast your Net!

Afterward Jesus appeared again to his disciples, by the Sea of Tiberias.  It happened this way:  Simon Peter, Thomas (called Didymus), Nathanael from Cana in Galilee, the sons of Zebedee, and two other disciples were together.  "I'm going out to fish," Simon Peter told them, and they said, "We'll go with you."  So they went out and got into the boat, but that night they caught nothing.

Early in the morning, Jesus stood on the shore, but the discipes did not realize that it was Jesus.

He called out to them, "Friends, haven't you any fish?"

"No," they answered.

He said, "Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some."  When they did, they were unable to haul the net in because of the large number of fish.

John 21 1-6

During the same time God was asking me to let go, I continued seeking God for answers to some pretty tough questions.  I had been wondering why I must carry this burden for adoption and even wondered if my desire for adoption was simply mine or if it was God's.  And beyond all these questions I looked at all this paperwork we have invested in and pleaded with God "please don't let it go to waste".

"Cast your net", God said to me.

I didn't understand this command God was telling me.  Did I hear Him right?  If so, what does it mean?  And so I have been "camping out" on this passage, and the scriptures that follow for the past couple of weeks.  I was seeking what God was trying to tell me. 

Through much prayer and process of letting go, we "casted our net" by simply telling every contact we had (that has to do with adoption) about our journey and that we are paper ready.I appreciate our church and the pastors there.  As I sought counsel from one of our pastors, God showed up. 

I remember my pastor telling me that he believed we weren't going to spend one more dime for our adoption.  My spirit stirred.  But my mind couldnt' grasp it.  I remained in confusion.  However, no matter what state my mind was in, my pastor confimed something in my heart:  that adoption was the heart of God's and He has given us this burden.

We were currently casting our net looking into Colorado foster/adopt kids, other state foster/adopt kids, Ethiopia and Ugandan children.  These were all our connections. and we were lost as to the direction we were to go. 

Eithiopia was the most promising in my eyes - as our home study agency were extremly supportive and willing to give us grants.  We continued to run into closed doors with the Colorado and other state foster/adopt kids.  Duane sensed we were to seek here and I believed Africa was still our direction. 

I continued to ponder the passages in John, and what stood out to me is that the net was so full they couldn't bring it into the boat.  There was more than enough.

As we were decorating and making preparations on Thanksgiving weekend, I had a knowing in my spirit:  there was going to be a rush for whaterver child comes into our home - whether it's Elijah or another.  It just didn't make sense...