Do It Scared!

Duane and I continue to see things differently. He believes a child is coming here locally and I still believe he/she is coming from Africa. However, I question if my belief is because my heart is still in Africa and it's just too wrapped up in the passion for this continent.




I have contacted social workers about kids in our American system, only to receive letters of rejections because we aren't the best matched family - at least by what the paperwork shows them.


As I continued to look into these foster-adopt kids, my heart breaks for them. All these kids are in the system because of somesort of abuse, neglect or parents choosing drugs and alcohol over their own. My heart went out to them. But may I remind you, that I have three girls that I must protect. Through all these rejection letters, and the evidence why we aren't the best matched family I have become very scared. My heart is full of compassion for these kids, but fear of the after affects of what these kids have gone through just keep me more than an arm's length away.


"Do it scared!" is what I am reminded - and more than once.


I remember a specific lesson in my Beth Moore study. We were studying Our Inheritance - how we are heirs of God and co-heirs of Christ. She said that we must press through fear to possess our land of promise (which is what God's calling on our lives). She also states that there will always be a river of fear seperating us from that promised land. The calling we have is something we're afraid of. She challenged us to press through that fear - do it scared! It is through the process of pressing on, fear will be removed.


The list goes on why all these kids are in the foster system - all the reasons that scared me. Please tell me this isn't my calling! I reminded God - "do You remember my heart for Africa that you gave me?" I know the kids there have issues too, such as abandonment and neglect - but "please God don't call me somewhere else!"


However, the evidence shows us the bottom line - emails of rejections keep coming in. Not only are we continually rejected, but continue to see the many many labels our society puts on these kids. These labels just cause me to second guess our pursuit for adoption.


We keep hitting closed doors - this journey we are on, just seems pointless.