Merry Christmas To My Enemies

I sit here.  I hear the Christmas carols and worship music in the background.  I have the smells and beauty of candles near me.  The taste of tea, and the word of God in my lap.  My heart is content … at least for the moment.

I wouldn't be human if I too didn't have my struggles.  And my greatest battle these days is with two coworkers.

I love my job, always have.  Yet this battle I have has caused me to even want to quit.  It has caused me to have my tantrums and has caused me to judge, point fingers right back at them and perhaps even call them names.  I have told my girls that we will always have our struggles with someone in our school classes, in our work places and even church…where ever there are people.  It is just the way life and humans are.  My battle feels like a full blown war!

But as I read the Word of God, hear the music in the background and just ponder on the celebration of  Christ's birth my heart pierces. 

I think of my two coworkers and think of how I have enjoyed getting to know them, how much I appreciated them and loved them.  And somewhere in time it changed.  I'm clueless as to how.  I think how my child has been accused of doing somethings wrong, and I'm her mom … so now I'm in the wrong too (so I feel judged).  I think of how they may think I have the same role as them, not knowing that the demands on me are different and the role isn't quite the same (so I feel not understood).  I think of mistakes I have made, or how I may approach a situation differently and perhaps even disagree with way things should run (so I feel unforgiven).  And if I was them I guess I could be guilty of all of the above, and the negativity of my feelings weighs me down.  

I have had tears knowing that not nice things are being said against me.  I have had anger knowing that communication lacks when exchanging shifts because of the way they feel against me, and knowing full well of gossip that is hurting us being a full team.  I have wanted to come out swinging when they continue to remind my other daughter of her wrong choice she made months and months ago and how I have to remind her that her mistakes don't own her, they don't identify her, and she has made all things right.  I want to spit nails when they call themselves Christians and my own daughter watches and says "why would I want to be a Christian, when this is the example?".  So much negativity comes over me, mama bear even comes out and I want to ruin their lives.

But I ponder on the Word of God, I ponder the lyrics of joy, hope, peace and love that continue to sing around me and just ponder about Christ's birth….how we need to come and adore him, how he came so we could be saved and joy is here to stay.  

And then this morning my heart just aches.  

The two of them and me have something in common.  We celebrate the same King of Kings, Prince of Peace and Wonderful Counselor that came into this darkened world - a world that needed hope, peace, joy and love.  The two of them are crying for the same hope, peace, joy and love that I am crying out for.  These two are the son and daughter of Christ.  They were purposely created, purposely planned and purposely loved, just as I was.  

And my heart aches a little more.  This time out of love and conviction.  I'm not loving the gift that was given to me as I should.  I am not worshipping the very God who creates, and have judged two of his masterpieces.  

I'm so sorry. 

I have seen the world through its darkness and have been in the habit of seeing things as hopeless.  I forgot the power of the gift we celebrate this month.  How this gift brings light and will remove all darkness and the things hidden in it.  

I have love.  I have forgivenss.  I have have freedom.  This baby has given such an abundance, I have more to give.

And the very first gifts this year are to my two coworkers.

"Nevertheless, there will be no more gloom for those who were in distress….

The people walking in darkness have seen a great light;

on those living in the land of the shadow of death

a light has dawned.

You have enlarged the nation and increased their joy…

For to us a child is born,

to us a son is given,

and the government will be on his shoulders.

And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Of the increase of his government and peace there will be no end."

Isaiah 9:1, 2-3a, 6-7a

A Humbling Lesson taught from the Least of His.

We found out earlier this past week that a famous man has passed away.  A man that we are not only fond of, but has brought us much joy.  And it got me thinking.

You see, when I say famous ... he wasn't one of glamour or wealth.  He wasn't one that many people knew.  A matter-of-fact, many of you have never heard of him.  But if you have ever visited San Francisco, and toured the area you more likely had a run in with him - and even a scare.

The Bush Man.

I have come to an age where I know that many of us have the same struggles ... finances, parenting, job influences and the list goes on.  However, I admit it wasn't even too long ago that I could look at a person and size them up by saying: "They don't understand.  They don't have the same situation as I do".  You know there is some truth in that, as we all have our different upbringings and circumstances.  But we do all battle the same kind of struggles, we just handle them sometimes differently.


And with that thought, I thought of the Bush Man. 

If anyone has been in San Francisco, you would find him amongst the many street entertainers that greet you along Fisherman Wharf.  In the midst of the entertainment, you would find what appears to be a bush growing on the sidewalk.  And as you approached it, the Bush Man would jump out and scare you, and then fall quickly right back into position.  I have fallen for this many of times.  Now, on the other side of the street where he was you would find a huge crowd gathered watching and laughing as each victim would approach.  The Bush Man was a huge success. 

I can't help but wonder when he would finish his day, and in the quietness of the hour how he might have doubted his talent.  He could have had that thought; "oh, I'm not talented like those other men on the street", "if only I could be like them".  And then I even wondered if he too battled the thought that he hasn't done anything great with his life, hasn't impacted anyone or had a purpose.

I pray that he died in peace, without these thoughts.  But his death did get me thinking.

I battle those thoughts.  I compare myself to you and others that I meet, and size myself up as not being like you or them, and wishing I could be that much better.  I too have questioned my greatness and purpose, and have wondered if I have impacted anyone.  But this week I have remembered the Bush Man.

He may not have saw himself as value or greatness.  But I did.  He may have saw his homeless state and thought he should have done something better with his life.  However, I see him living selflessly, bringing joy to strangers that he didn't even know, enjoying life as it was and being content with how life was.  And isn't that one of our purposes in life, finding the joy of the life God has given us and bringing it to those we do life with?  Aren't we to be thankful in all circumstances and considering it all joy? 

Oh, Bush Man ... you have taught me a great lesson.  And for that I'm thankful.  I will miss you when I visit.   But I will promise you this, I will find the joy in life God has given me and choose to be thankful.  And as I find my joy and thankfulness in God, and focus on these things ... I too will impact those around me. 

JOY

When I look at myself in the mirror, I wouldn't call myself a joyful person.  I don't laugh like I used to.  I take life so seriously.  And to be honest, I don't like the person I have become. 

I long for laugh-lines, and tears that stream down my cheeks because of laughing so hard.  And I long for my belly to just ache as I gasp for air due to true laughter. 

But somewhere along the line, I've become so serious.  I'll smile, and sometimes giggle...but it has been so long since I've let out a good belly laugh.  And it got me thinking...

Joy.  Somewhere along the line, joy has left.

I wondered what God would have to say.  So I looked at every verse that had the word 'joy' in it, and allow His word to soak in. I have fourteen pages of note.  But there were some verses that stood above the rest, and I have to take note to.

Joy is....

• a response and action, and a blessing.  It is a response for gifts and abundance.  A reaction when before God.
• belongs to God.  He is the source.
• It grows when people are united
• a celebration
• a choice
• an anointing
• gift from the Holy Spirit
• strength
• release of fear, causing celebration
• a holiday
• something heard
• a confession off our lips, laughter and happiness
• an expression of emotion, an emotion
• everlasting with God
• a sign of restoration, result of seeing God
• God's presence
• God's victories
• thanksgiving to God
• God
• an anointing oil
• praise, exalting God
• praise for salvation, salvation
• a song
• a plea
• from God that we give back to Him.
• wisdom

and my list goes on.

I think back to the times I have joy.  Its when I've been in God's midst.  Its been times when we have celebrated triumphs and celebrations. 

How can I get my joy back?  Spend more time with God.  Make a choice and choose joy.  Receive the anointing God has given me, and sing!  Look at these serious things in our lives and laugh.  Make a declaration, with thanksgiving in my heart, and a testimony on my lips of my salvation. 

So today, and the days that follow I will choose joy.  Laugh lines and belly laughs are coming!