I know the story. Yet my soul has not been satisfied. I know the answers. I know what the preachers tell us. I know. But yet God is stirring in my soul. The question has been raised a couple of times in my mind: "Karen, what does the cross mean to you? Do you know the power in the cross?" No, I don't! I'm a Christian, and I don't. Shame has held me down.
Also, what does it really mean to "deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me"? The cross represents Christ's crucifixion, am I to be crucified daily?
But I pursue God, trust Him and seek His answer.
We have had such a spiritual battle these past couple of months. Lies, betrayal, hurts, anger, health issues, loneliness, life changing decisions and so much more are just some of the things that have been coming our way. When I have been the weakest, it is those times I am caught off guard and have believed; "I must deserve all this, for the loving God I serve wouldn't do such things." Oh, Satan - you have been revealed, and you are exposed and not allowed to speak such things to me no more!
But I have believed that lie. I have learned that right now, every thought needs to be held captive, and questioned by God's truth. If it doesn't hold true...it's from the enemy and I caste it out. He can not have a hold on me anymore. I learned in my study yesterday that "My truth + God's truth = FREEDOM" and that is just where I am heading to today. Thank you God for always being faithful!
But what does that cross mean to me today? It is where I can nail all these lies I have believed, all the wounds that have come my way that have caused me not to trust or believe, all the emotional turmoil and all the thoughts can be. I choose to not pick them up anymore. I am yelling to God that He IS enough. I am daily laying all my stuff down, and choosing for Him to take the lead in my life and live the life as He sees fit - obeying Him, and doing His word. I feel so much lighter!
So when I sing the words to the song "When I Survey the Wonderful Cross"...I'm doing just that. Soaking in His goodness, His faithfulness, His strength, His love and laying everything of mine down, so He may live through me.