Life is full...very full. But that isn't the reason this blog has remained still for the past months. I have said over and over again. I write when God shares with me what I can share. I take this serious, as I wouldn't want to cause anyone to stumble. Now is the time to blog! :)
I looked back in my journal to figure out how do I even start, where did this all start? Perhaps it started back further than I knew. In an entry dated June 20th, I mentioned how I was avoiding God, and was somewhat bored with our relationship. A place I didn't long to be, but one that I didn't know what to do to change. Shame filled me. I also mentioned of unanswered prayers, sill being the same plea then. I questioned God. It was becoming a struggling relationship, and yet I still remained commited but longed for something more...something different. And during that time of journalling God came beside me, sat and talked to me and gave me words of promises, hope and reassurance. I just never to expect it to take off from there the way it did.
I was confronted at church that I walked in defeat. Never did I see that, and boy was I quick to deny it. It took my 15 year old to show me the truth, and share the examples she saw in it. It shook my world. I came with a repented heart ready to change and set a better example to my girls. I walk in the freedom God has for us, not the defeat Satan hands our way.
It was a dream come true when I was able to attend a conference to hear Beth Moore. Her message, as always, was timely, and spoke to the creavises of my soul. Somthing stirred. She talked about starts and finishes. How God calls us to journeys, and starts us on them. It is when we call them to end is where I have personally gone wrong. I have been disobedient to His calling. I have defied Him. And I needed to repent once again and get right back on the journeys He has called me to. So many times these journeys just seemed impossible or way too long, and have felt many times the scars of the collision we had with a brick wall. May I remind you all of our adoption journey?
That very weekend with Beth Moore, I also heard a sermon at our church about dreams. How God gives us dreams, and places them in the center of our hearts for a reason. Little did I know I had stopped dreaming. I hate to admit, but may I remind you of our adoption journey and the pain it has brought in our hearts? What you don't know is how long this particular journey has been. It is approaching 20 years since we started pursuing, stopping and going along the way ... but 20 years. Twenty years of heart ache, disappointments, rejections, false hopes and confussion.
Duane and I took a night a way. We spent the night and day dreaming, and listing those dreams. Our dreams, and our individual dreams. A list we have started, and plan on continuing as the dreams arise. Up top on our dream list together, is to adopt. One of my individual dreams is to have a restaurant/ice-cream parlor or something that could be "home" and safe place to the community, and could be a hang out for teens. Dreams. Dreams are so fun! Something came alive that day. Everything within me came alive.
Duane and I were leaders at a youth conference the very next weekend. We were anticipating what God was going to do and say ... not just to the kids, but to us too. We walked out of the conference with a knowing this journey isn't over, and a bigger calling yet.
I awoke one Saturday morning with the thick presence of God resting in our room. Who can sleep when He is there? So we went out walking together. I worshipped and praised, and He spoke. He told me to go and apply and Chick-fil-A, He was going to give me the store. I didn't question, and still don't understand it ... but I walked out in obedience. During the interview the manager told me he saw me at a certain level, which was part owner of the store. Confirmation! Today I work 5:30am-2:00pm Tuesday through Saturdays. I won't be missing any time with the girls.
I went to a CASA training. A fellow CASA worker was trying to tell me about a 10 year old boy AGAIN, for the 4th time. Before all the events that had recently happened, I wouldn't listen. Our home study was in Denver county. They didn't want to work with us, when we were focused on getting the right child in our home, rather than just taking any child to get off the list. They weren't returning phone calls nor emails. It was hopeless. But this time, I walked with Jesus who is the Victor, and wins the each battle. This time I didn't walk in defeat, but in victory and confidence of God. And the Holy Spirit prompted me to listen. There does seem to be a match being discovered.
It just happened I received an email a couple of days after this visit and was told of the annual adoption event Adoption Exchange has each year. I contacted them, to see if they could get our home study out and changed to another county. A week later, our home study was in the hands of another county. The impossible was done! Today we wait to hear what is next, as we keep our eyes on God, the One who is Able to do all He wants!
Life is exciting again, and far from boring! Not because of all the things in our lives, not because of all the changes in our lives, but because God is the center. Our eyes are fixed on him, and He is EXCITING!
So today we wait. We wait on Him. We wait to see what He wants to start in our lives. Wait to see what we are to do next on those things He has already started in our life. And wait to see how He finishes things in our lives. He is the Alpha and Omega, and we have allowed Him to be the Alpha and Omega in our personal lives as well.