I was prompted to do something a little odd this Christmas: to pull out my old baby doll and wrap it in an old blanket ... and pretend it was Jesus.
It was amazing of the feelings that came out.
"Oh Jesus. I hold onto you and see you came. So precious and tiny. You came to a young woman, a young man who questioned and as we discover a whole world to embrace. You came and we find there is an abundance of you to go around. You came needing me, and me finding that I need you all the more. You came as an ordinary baby - no different from the rest, yet we soon find that you are way different from all the rest. You came and we ponder the greatness of you ... yet not knowing how truly great you are. You came and we gaze into the perfection of a baby ... the rosy cheeks, the delicate lips and the quietness as you sleep - and soon we find exactly how perfect you are. You came into the world like anyone else did, yet you hold the entitlement of a king - and even that entitlement doesn't make you like anyone else. You came into this world with people hating you and you having to flee. You came into this world with a plan to die so I can truly live.
Jesus. The story never changes. Yet the depth of the knowledge of you does. I look into the depth of you as a baby with the desperation of how life is today and I realize a new Christmas story. You came in the form of a baby to be held, but soon it is you that would be holding me. You came into this world as a baby, and this baby would grow to become my best-friend. You came with more wisdom that I could ever imagine ... and it would be this grown woman that would come to seek this baby for its wisdom and insight. You came with answers I continue to seek. You came to bring love and companionship to wipe away the isolation and lack of love I once held. You came whole and complete to one that was broken and incomplete.
You came knowing that today I'm not ready to celebrate you as I scurry through the traditional Christmas preparations, and continue to muddle through the normal day to day trials, and doing all I can to hold the pieces of my heart together. Yet no matter how hard I try to capture the beauty of the season, I still feel I fail ... you still came.
You came as my children grow older and seem to not need me so much. You came even in spite of the tension between one another in our home.
You came into our messy house ... and our messy lives.
You came as we continue to wait for a job ... and still come even as when we wonder if you are there seeing the desperation we are in.
You came as there is a scramble to collect whatever income we can ... even putting our marriage as the least priority, and time with one another is not as it once was.
You came, even though I have stated that this is the "worst Christmas" because the moments of Advent seem to be the least of importance, and I wonder if we each have lost the reason for the season.
You came knowing time with one another, let alone with you are far and in between. You still came knowing we have hurt one another.
You came even though we have been rejected by other family members.
You came in the middle of our health scares.
You came even though I've been at my worst with a sharp tongue, gossip off my lips, coldness in my heart and the bitterness of anger and jealousies have rooted in my heart.
In spite of it all ... you still came.
And I am so thankful. You remain my hope and my light. You remain the one I hold onto, and plead for you to hold onto me just the same. You remain my faith.
Jesus, all you did was simply come ... not only into a world that was dark - but my life that seems to be just the same. And because you came ... I will never be the same. Circumstances may still try and remain as they are, but because you are forever Faithful, because you are Victorious, and because you are Great, I too will rise above it all and circumstances will surrender to your coming.
Ready or not you always come. Please come again today ... and again tomorrow."