A Mama's Hearts Prayer

Oh My Savior, My Father, My Great God, My Friend and Love,

You have impressed so much on my heart these past few hours ... to get them on paper will be a challenge, but being the perfect one you are... I know you will make sense out of it all.

I have been convicted to repent to you.  I have realized lies I have believed, and where the door is open for the enemy to walk in and badger me with his lies and condemnation.  I see it and now I will shut it!  I see what I have believed since I was little:  the lie, I don't belong in the family I was born into, and then married into.  Somewhere along the line, I believed that I was unwanted - no matter how much was told to me on the contrary.  I believed it.  That belief has manifested itself in so many areas of my life:  others not wanting a relationship with me or me not being good enough.  Now I see it weave its ugliness in my children.  Enough is enough and I break that lie off our family.  I see that I am your child, wanted and redeemed.  I see how much time and love you have put into me, taking the time to grow me and see fully that I have never been a mistake - especially in your eyes.  We love, because you first loved us.  I love my extended family, and am so thankful for each one of them.  They are your treasures too, and you are there to meet with each one of them.  I claim restoration, and can't wait to see the day!  

Father God, I confess when the trials of raising three teenage daughters makes me weary, I immediately wonder and doubt I was ever cut out for adopting another child into our home.  I have figured that I'm not doing a good job with the children I already have in our home, how can I be responsible for another.  Well, truth is ... you called me into motherhood a long time ago and I am cut out for the job you instilled in me as long as I lean on you.  I see that I have taken my children's mess-ups and put them on me.  Their errors, are theirs.  Mine are mine.  You redeem it all and make it good.  I repent of taking on others mistakes and calling them my own.  I will stand on your redemption, and leading as I parent the children who are in our home as well as those who will come.  I will also stand guard as to what others speak into my life, and make sure I clarify what is said.  What you say is all that matters.  Your love never fails and will guide us through all of our seasons in life - even this one and I will rest in it!  Thank you Jesus for your constant presence.  Thank you for showing me where to close doors, and open them to you.  Thank you for making everything good. 

Today I rest in you, as you are my strong tower.  With you, I need no other!

I love you,
Karen

Adoption - The VERY Heart of God

So many times I have written confessing me desperation in our adoption journey, and so many times I have written sharing the moments I have grasped of God  through this journey.  Today I "get it" like no other time prior.

The prayer in our home has been to open the doors that are shut and bring our Liberian children home.  I have also prayed another prayer before the first - that I would experience God fully and understand His heart, and that His heart will become mine!

I started a new Bible study, and we are reading "Beautiful One", edited by Shae Cooke.  I read the first chapter and had to reread it, and have stewed on it during the past couple of days.  It talks of the orphan spirit and the spirit of adoption.  It is funny, I try so many times to think of something else and NOT adoption ... but the word still comes forth!  I don't believe in coincidences, and I do believe God is trying to reveal something to me.  And frankly, I can me a very slow learner, but I finally have gotten it!

One of our pastors told me a year ago that "adoption is the very heart of God".  I knew the passages in the Bible he was referencing, I have heard the statement he said many times before and it was nothing new but I confess I haven't pondered its full meaning, and haven't grasped the fullness of the statement - until today.  It took God to show me through our adoption journey His heart.

We have prepared a room for Elijah.  God has prepared a kingdom for me.  (Matthew 25:34)

We have gathered clothes for Elijah and Ruth.  God has handmade a robe of glory for me.  (Luke 15:22, Romans 3:17)

We have a place designated for Elijah and Ruth at the dinner table.  God has prepared a feast for me.  (Psalm 23:5)

We have paid adoption fees throughout the adoption of Elijah and Ruth.  God bought me through His son.  (Acts 20:28, 1 Corinthians 6:20, 7:23)

We speak of Elijah and Ruth being ours constantly, God does the same for me and is pleased of what He created in me.  (Romans 5:8, 1 John 3:16-20, Psalm 139: 13-18)

Elijah and Ruth have the same rights and inheritance as our own daughters who were birthed from me.  God gives me the same inheritance as his own flesh and blood, Jesus.  (Colossians 1:12, Hebres 9:15)

We constantly invision Elijah and Ruth home with us.  God plans a place just for me.  (Jeremiah 29:11)

We wait.  He waits.  (Romans 8:23)

Even as we plan for others to come into our home, not once have we given up hope that Elijah and Ruth will join us one day.  God has never given my spot away either - not for even the person who measures so much greater than me.  Because He has predestined, called, justified and glorified me.  (Romans 8:29-30) 

Today I have seen my prayers answered.  Not the way I had invisioned, but they have been answered just the same.  No, Elijah and Ruth aren't coming home, but through their journey I have seen mine!  God has heard my hearts cry to understand and know His heart and I finally am grasping it and calling it mine!    

In Him also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestined according to the purpose of Him who works all things according to the counsel of His will, that we who first trusted in Christ should be to the praise of His glory.  In Him you also trusted, after you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation; in whom also, having believed, you were sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until the redemption of the purchased possission, the the praise of His glory.

Ephesians 1:11-14 

YES!

The Holy Spirit prompted what Christmas day was to look like in our home. This year we were to bring gifts to Jesus, just as the wise men once did.

In the hussle and bussle of getting ready for Christmas, I remembering wondering "what in the world am I going to bring to the King, who has everything?". I then started creating one gift when the Holy Spirit prompted me to give another.


Our family had a sweet time opening stockings, playing games and just being together centered in love and laughter. It was one of our favorite Christmas'.

Then the time came ... in order to open our gifts, we had to surrender our gift to the Christ child first. Even with the confirmation of knowing we loved one another, and we weren't to judge one another ... the act of giving to our Savior was very hard to do. We had to remove ourselves, and reveal our vulnerability.

Duane removed the family portrait and brought it in. He mentioned how much he valued and loved his family, and has learned that he can't protect it enough, and needs Jesus' to take his family and care for it the way it needs. God does it better, and Duane will follow His leading to be the husband and father he is called to be.

Katie and Courtney shared poems. One a poem of how she sees God and who He is. Another a poem of brokenness and surrender of where she is at in her walk with Him, but a love just the same.


Lindsay brought a necklace that was once her best-friends. After two years of grieving her best-friend (who died from cancer), she has finally giving Jesus what she held most valuable: her best-friend.

When it was my turn I swallowed my embarrassment and gave my gift ... the gift of "YES". I was shown how my words are willing, but my actions aren't following my commitment. In other words, I have been a hypocrite. I told God I would follow through and act out in YES, and not doubt and question. God has given me doors to walk through and I have found comfort in the waiting for those doors to open, that I haven't walked through them as I should. God in return gave me a promise as He extended His hand and showed me TOGETHER we will walk through the coming open doors.

The Christmas gifts are all put away, the tree is taken down and the decorations are stored. However, I still see my gift lying at the manger, and my heart still giving it today. "YES!" I will not be led by how I feel, but trust God fully and TOGETHER we will walk through many open doors in not only this coming year, but the years to come!

"And I said, 'Here am I. Send me!'"

Isiah 6:8.