Moments In The Grocery Store

It was moments after the previous post that I started out on my day … ready or not.  But that day was different.  It was a day I was going to search, but yet "be still and know He is God".

I had a list that seemed a mile long of things to accomplish.  And with my family's help, kitchen cleaning was added to it.  And thanks to jet lag, my day started off early which made the "to do" list get accomplished faster.

I was at the store.  I ran into someone I knew.  And I discovered something about me … I didn't know what to say, I had difficulty maintaining the conversation … something that is NOT me.  But yet again…if it was someone different, would it be easier.  Perhaps.  Probably.  It didn't help that it was someone that was part of a family that I was deeply close to.  I was being guarded.

Unforgiveness showed it's self once again.  You see it was only two years ago we transitioned back to our home town.  I expected to be welcomed and cared for by so many, especially by this particular family.  And not only have we not been welcomed, but we feel forgotten and unloved by this family.  I has hurt, and I felt judged by prior issues that took place before our move.  I hadn't gotten over it all.  They were our extended family, people I have admired and chosen to be like, and people I deeply loved (which I have a hard time doing).    But that's it … they are people.  People who fall short, people with their inperfections and mistakes … people, just like me.

God showed me I need to let go of hurt and forgive those who offended me so I may be part of what is next to come fully.  There isn't any room for His plans and Him if I'm holding onto stuff that isn't of Him.  I must forgive.  Today, I chose to forgive.

The next aisle over an elderly man asked me where he could find the salt.  We walked over to and then which one should he get.  We talked, we laughed and I was able to encourage.

I may not know the direction I am going … but I do know, I must master forgiveness so there is more in the journey ahead.  .

 “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”  Psalm 46:10

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  Colossians 3:13

So Here We Go …

I don't know why I am doing this, another blog.  I mean I have another, and who is going to read this blog anyway.  But I felt prompted by God to do it.  Who knows, perhaps it is just to see God use me and grow me.  I'm one of those tangible, hand's on learners and I must see evidence and be reminded of it from time to time.  And this is a bit of a journal for me to turn to from time to time.  And perhaps starting another blog, is just where I'm at in life … starting with a blank slate, no history and an unknown of where it is  going to go.

It's been not a full 48 hours since my husband and I walked back into our home from a trip to Italy.  A trip of a lifetime, and I knew that when I walked into the house from that trip everything was about to change for me.

See I had been working, and my last day was just before we left for Italy.  It was something I had to do, something that God was directing my husband and I to do.  We both don't understand it, but taking a step out on faith.  We already see some positives coming out of it.  But let's face it … what am I to do now?

I woke at 2:30 this morning, partly because of jet lag, but another part because my husband was heading back to work and I was faced with "Now What?".  My mind going rapid, my heart questioning everything, and another part of it not wanting my husband to go.  Perhaps some fear is hiding around the corner, but I trust God is about to do something crazy, and I'm in it for the ride.

Walking through the streets of Rome, something set a fire in me.  My faith was a bit "bored", if you will.  Picking up the Bible was something that didn't drive me as much as it did, other than finding a verse or two from time to time.  But knowing Paul's heart to go to Rome and preach the gospel came alive for me.  Seeing the vendors outside the temples, and the corruption stirred something within, and understanding the anger of Jesus when he upturned the tables became alive.  There's more to going to church, more to even just knowing the scriptures … but a deep relationship with Jesus is what brings joy, hope and love.  And that frankly is what our world needs to know.

God is bringing me close to Him and to use me, and this is the First Day of the Rest of my Life to surrender and allow him to do just that.  I just don't know how He can use someone like me.  And yes, there is a little doubt when making that statement … after all, I'm a 40 something woman, uneducated (at least in the college field), a wife and mom of three young, beautiful, strong young women.  The world says that I'm not qualified, but have you ever had that excitement, like the night before Christmas, and a knowing in your spirit that something is about to happen?  That's exactly how I feel right now.

I have waken with the inability to move, and a few kinks in my body because I'm a crazy cat lady and the three cats we have missed us something fierce and won't literally leave my side.  And as crazy of a cat lady I am, I know the rest of my life will be partly with them.  They bring me calmness, peace and joy.  But I also know looking at them, the rabbit and chickens we have there is even more to this life.  But I also know as I look at them there is a simpleness I embrace, and God is there within.

I have a love for the kitchen.  Not the cleaning part, but the cooking and creating part and especially the serving to those who come around the table part.  I love how the comfort of food can bring the family and friends together.  How conversations and hearts are shared over the creations that come from the kitchen.  I love that each of my girls also show passion in this area and we can draw together even more.  I have always had this passion, but it took it's back burner as I went into the working world, but it is the one thing that I am utmost excited about getting into.  And I'm 100% positive that cooking is part of the Rest of my Life.  And I'm almost certain God is going to be using this passion for whatever He has next.

So that's it.  I have no clue as to what is next for me, I'm a simple homemaker, who is still searching as to what purpose I have for the Rest of my Life, and I'm allowing you, whoever you might be, to come along side with me, and perhaps even take this adventure together.