S-t-r-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-t-c-h!

That's the word today in my study.  To be stretched.  To make yourself available to God, and to simply say yes.  It is also something that hurts when doing but make
s room for strength and conditioning.  It's a good thing.

The challenging question for me is … where is God stretching me?  I feel like for the first time in a long time, I'm at a place that I'm getting comfortable in.  So why am I not being stretched?  Or am I?  Or greater … uh oh …. am I about to be?

It's not a secret that I am adopted.  I have talked about how emotionally and spiritually impactful that was for me a few times.  It's also not a secret that we have pursued adoption a few times, only to have them fail.  I have worked through all the emotional scaring and impact these have had on me.  I believe I am over it.

Yet, why are these things coming up in my life again?

I don't know.  I am also confident in saying that I have no desire to pursue anymore or have any layers left to work through with my story.  I'm done.  I'm in a good place.  Yet …

I have seen in my previous post of how I was able to connect with someone at a deeper level, reach someone no one else was able to reach.  Today I was able to share with another of how we have something more in common, which has connected us more.  What is God doing with my story?

Today in my study I am reminded of how guarded I am at church.  I have been deeply hurt by "the church" a couple times in my life.  I have been thrown down and trampled.  I have received judgment instead of compassion and love.  Fingers have been pointed and I have been shunned.  And just writing these words, I see Jesus carrying his cross and being treated the same.

Why are we so hard on one another?  Why do we allow our hurts to hurt others … or in my case, keep a wall up and guard myself.  Because we are all broken.   And just like broken glass, some pieces can be a little more sharper than others.

I have forgiven those who have offended me.  I've worked past that.  But can I allow the walls to come down and allow others to come into my life at a deeper level?  Can I take a risk with a possibility of backs to be turned my way?  Can I risk those getting to know the intimate side of me and use it against me?

One of my favorite shows was Fixer Upper.  Chip would make it clear that his favorite day was "demo day".  In order to make room for the vision, the newness, the open floor plan, and organized beauty he had to tear down and demolish the walls.  He had to get rid of the old to make room for the new.  The house couldn't grow and accomplish what was to come if the old was still there.

Karen's Demo Day … it's how I'm being stretched.  I have to demolish the walls that are holding the vision God has for me, the newness and open floor plan God has created in me.  I have to get rid of the old to make room for the new and destroy those walls.

The question is this … who is swinging their sledgehammer with me?

The Second Mile

It's not a surprise for those who know me.  I work at Chick-fil-A.  I remember the day clearly when God sent me.  I was having my quiet time and heard God's still small voice tell me to go.  I also remember me telling him "I'm to good for Chick-fil-A", but I went.

What is a surprise to you, is even beyond the passion I have of the company and the young adults I work with, I still struggle with knowing if I'm doing what God wants me to do, and if I do it well.

And what is a surprise to me, is how God still reveals himself through the "mission" He has placed me in.

When we relocated to California, I thought my journey with this company came to an end.  I was working at a different location, and the commute was just too far and quickly doing me in.  I called it quits after a few short months.  I was on Facebook in the middle of the night when the current location I work at reached out to me.  And now the rest is history.

I am the Administrator/Training Director at the restaurant.  I am using the gifts God has placed in me.  Some things I do I find quite easy to do, other things are successful challenges.  But no matter what I find joy in the job itself.

I would be lying to you if I told you that I don't doubt myself sometimes - not just in my job, but just in my everyday life.  I always question if I'm doing what God wants of me.

I have measured my success with what society has put before me:  including the type of job I have.  I have struggled with being proud of where I am, as those close to me saw me in the "fast food business" and in all honesty, I too never expected to find myself at Chick-fil-A.  Yet I have found many stories through my journey there that have grown me in my walk with the One who created me for just a time and place as this.

I don't have a "rags to riches" type testimony, but one that makes me ever so grateful of God seeing me and pulling me out of the pit I was in.  However, there are many others that are such more impactful and bring so many others to Christ.  And so I wonder how in the world can God use my story.

As the training director at Chick-fil-A it is my job to introduce the company to the new hires as well as share the passion of the founder.  Truett Cathy reminds us:  1.  We are not in the chicken business, but the people business.  2.  Our mission statement is "to glorify God by being a faithful steward of all that is entrusted to us and have a positive influence on all who come in contact with Chick-fil-A." 3.  How we are to go the 2nd mile …to go above and beyond expectations and develop unique experiences (based on Matthew 5:41).  I speak it weekly, I hear the words each week as if they were new and there is a quickening in my spirit.  Yet …

Yet … am I glorifying God?  Am I being a positve influence to those who I come in contact with?  How can I go the 2nd mile today?  And … am I doing what God calls me to or is there something else?

I had a little chuckle the other night as I read my devotion before bed, written by Max Lucado.  It was titled "The Society of the Second Mile".  Each word I could associate with my day to day journey with God at my work.  The words confirmed I was to be where I am at and God wasn't done with me yet.  However,  I was challenged:  "serve the ones who hate you; forgive the ones who hurt you.  Take the lowest place, not the highest; seek to serve, not to be served.  Retaliate, not in kind, but in kindness."

Even as I work with passion, I have challenges each day.  I am human.  And I work with young humans with high emotions.  I just had a couple of team members hurt my feelings the other day.  My flesh wants to just give them the cold shoulder, just ignore them.  I have guests that call and tell us how we forgot to put sauce in the bag, which was requested and how they deserve a refund and how frankly we stink at our job.  I want to cry, hang up on the call and lash out in words.  My first instinct is how I feel, what my initial reaction is.  But I continue to listen, apologize, solve and thank.  I'm to be quick to forgive and to love… shake off my sandals and still go that extra mile.  It isn't what is required of me to be a team member at Chick-fil-A, but as a child of Christ.  I'm really representing Jesus, not the cow.

I went into work yesterday for a couple of hours.  Nothing was going as planned.  Nothing.  Attitudes weren't at their finest.  And I saw a lot of flesh wanting to take over.  My flesh included.  But I have to roll with the punches, and offer the other cheek.  A team member wasn't feeling well, and I kept her near my side in the office, inspite of what I needed to get done that day.  One thing after another started pouring out of her.  Feelings of defeat and failure.  Being an only child and it's demands.  Pressures of doing what is right according to society and wanting to please parents.  Curiosity and loneliness.  Depression and anxiety.  What was pouring out before me, was the "younger Karen" I once knew….it was my old story.  And then I heard these words:  "Ms. Karen, are you busy?  Can you talk with me?"  I let go of what was on the agenda and made myself available.  God allowed me to connect with someone at a deeper level:  soul to soul, and I was able to speak truth over someones life, as well as encourage and give hope.  And today I pray over her.  I soon realized my day wasn't about training and customer service, but instead going the extra mile and walking by someone specific and to see how my story was used to encourage and connect with another.

I still am that only child, wanting to please my parents and whoever the authority figure is in my life. I still question if I do.  But today, I see my calling … to walk the second mile in it's flowery path and the muck and mire.  Mine is at Chick-fil-A and the simplicity of the community that surrounds me, and the family within my house walls.  And today I feel a little closer to the One who has gone a million miles for and with me over and over again.

Jonah … Or Rather … Karen

I have been laying low this week.  I have noticed that a bitterness that has taken over my soul, and am wise enough to know that I shouldn't be around people and affect them with my negativeness.  And I also know full well that there is only One who can remove such bitterness.  So this week I have been seeking.

My youngest came to me.  She is struggling with a reoccurring area in her life.  As she shared, I was able to discern that there was some lie she has bought into that she needs to shake off.  I was able to discern because I was dealing with the same thing … different lie, but a lie.

Today I felt a tug to enjoy a good story … Jonah.  I have always prided myself that I would go wherever God would have me go.  I'm a woman of obedience, but am I?

God sent Jonah.  He didn't want to go and ran.  But even in his disobedience those around him came to recognize how great God is and gave to Him.  God sent a giant fish to swallow Jonah and it was in the belly of the whale that Jonah knew there was only one who could save - and God did.  Jonah went to Nineveh, and spoke over the city.  Countless lives were changed as they turned from their evil ways and God had compassion on them.  Jonah became angry because he knew what kind of a God he served and that the people didn't deserve such graciousness and love. Jonah went off to sulk.  God provided a vine, which made Jonah happy and then God provided a worm to destroy it.  Jonah was so miserable from the heat and wind that he just wanted to die, and God reminded Jonah of who He was.

God sent me from Colorado to California a little over three years ago.  I didn't want to go, but I didn't run from it - at least physically.  I obeyed - physically, but emotionally I wasn't going to forgive God for tearing our family apart.  I resented Him.  And for the last three years I have been in the belly of the whale … misery from bills, a dysfunctional house, unrest in relationships, health issues
and lack of peace.  I have finally recognized fully of the God that saves, and that can save me and this week God has spit me out …. in Concord, California.  I can't say that countless lives have been changed because of where I have spoken over them, but I can say that I have developed countless relationships that have come out of the crevices of places these past couple of days.  God has compassion on them, and I have the privilege of not only having these people in my lives but I get to pray over them too.  God had compassion on them, as He has for me.  I still have held onto that seed of bitterness and have sulked that God didn't quite understand the fullness of how He affected me.  He provided a home that I have become accustomed to, and see so much potential in.  And it was less than 24 hours ago, I questioned if we would still have it, as we were uncertain of Duane's employment once again.  And it was in the conversation I had with my daughter, I am reminded of the God I have, and that He sees way more than I.

Oh Jonah … Oh Karen!


I read something yesterday; "interesting fact:  people over the age of fifty will start to lose their dislike for foods that taste bitter".  Now first let me let the world know … I'm not 50 yet!  However, the warning is just the same.  I remember my grandfather.  He loved me.  Yet, to be honest with my readers …. he was grumpy.  He always had reason to be grumpy.  He had an opinion about everything and judgment just the same.  He had a the brow of anger, and the tone in his voice just the same.  He lost his dislike for bitterness and it turned into a grumpy and a grouchy mess.  And unfortunately he'll have that remembrance.  I was heading toward the same direction.  But was wise enough to see there was a taste I didn't want to get accustomed to …. and I sought the truth.

I have believed a lie that "I get what I deserve".  So with that lie, comes the thought … I deserve to be away from my babies.  I deserve to have a broken family with miles apart.  I deserve this disruption in my life.  I deserve my lack of identity … because of another lie "I'm not good enough".  I never realized until yesterday the depth of these lies and their hold on me.  But enough is enough.  God has allowed me to recognize and today I am set free.

It wasn't about the move to California.  It wasn't about the goodness that God has displayed on me.  It wasn't even about the lies that kept me bound.  It was about me obeying God full heartily and full heartily trusting Him.  Not just trusting Him with my babies, but trusting Him that He saw something more.  Trusting Him that He will plant me and for me to be ready for whatever is to come my way.  Trusting Him with ALL that I am and ALL that I have.  Trusting Him with my identity.  It was about God breaking me free.

So today I sit in the solitude of our home, letting those things that are nagging attention to just wait.  I hear the promises, truth and prayers of the music surround me and let it carry my spirit.  And today I am ready to be unlike Jonah and just go full heartily.  I expect the best because I have a God that wants the best for me and those that surround me and have my heartstrings.  I serve a God who sets me free … and will set you free as well.