“We think you ought to know, dear brothers and sisters, about the trouble we went through in the province of Asia. We were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure, and we thought we would never live through it. In fact, we expected to die. But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead. And he did rescue us from mortal danger, and he will rescue us again. We have placed our confidence in him, and he will continue to rescue us. And you are helping us by praying for us. Then many people will give thanks because God has graciously answered so many prayers for our safety.”
2 Corinthians 1:8-11 NLT
It is about time I recognize so many. I have a story to tell. And God has directed me to writing. I just have chosen not to write, nor tell my story because I have believed that my story isn’t worth sharing … and truthfully … who reads this blog?
I read this passage tonight in several translations. And as I read it, I could identify with the words. I could easily say “…I was crushed and overwhelmed beyond my ability to endure COVID-pneumonia, and I thought I would never live through it. In fact, I expected to die. But as a result, I stopped relying on myself and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead. And He rescued me and will continue to rescue me again. I have placed my confidence in him, and he will continue to rescue me. And YOU are helping me by praying for me.”
I have so much to say, but I will start there. I endured Covid, and five days later I was in the ER being diagnosed with pneumonia , and the day after I was back at the ER because my oxygen level was so low, leading me in the ICU for 11 days, and then 5 days in the hospital until I could go home. Now two months later, I am still in recovery. I still have oxygen attached to me constantly, and unable to work. I depend on those around me. Healing is coming, but slower than anyone anticipated.
My husband and I never got to say goodbye as they whisked me away to ICU and he couldn’t stay with me. We were totally separated. I was afraid because he has all the answers and he would always look after me. But for the first time in our 29 years of marriage, I didn’t have him to depend on. Duane could call the nurses and hear updates, but the doctors and the hospital would never contact him or return his calls. I was incoherent with sickness and drugged with medication; so we both didn’t know what was going on or the outcome. I was put on the maximum oxygen intake one can receive. They tried putting a pressurized mask on me without any communication which didn’t turn out well … and I was just shy of going on the ventilator. Life was uncertain for me.
The first two days life was so uncertain - and I didn’t know if I would see Duane ever again. I didn’t know if I’d be able to love on my girls and experience the life I have come accustomed to. I was scared. I needed Duane near me and pleaded to go home the very first day. But with no strength, no ability to take in air and no wellness whatsoever going home was not going to happen.
Rest never came because Duane wasn’t there. Rest also never came because fear controlled my mind and heart - I didn’t know what they were giving me, and I didn’t know all these faces coming in and out of my room; the sounds and the constant interruptions of vitals being taken wouldn’t let me sleep either. Duane had called at one point and it was reported to him that I am not resting nor eating. Duane sent me a text encouraging me to eat and sleep. But he didn’t understand that I needed him.
Sometime in those two days I realized the people I have known are more likely going to be seen again when we all meet together in heaven. It also didn’t help that my boss had texted and said “see you on the other side”. I had no fight within. And finally peace filled me, and filled my room. I had Jesus with me and was ready to just hold his hand and go with him. I knew I was ok. However, (as hard as it is to explain) I was encouraged to take one last look at what I was leaving. I only got as far as looking at my husband and knowing we were just getting ready to celebrate 29 years of marriage and had plans to celebrate 30 years in another year! God created me as a person who enjoys numbers … and I have always been determined to see those 30 years, and I didn’t want to miss it. All of a sudden a big celebration wasn’t what was desired … I just wanted to hold Duane’s hand - no dinner, no flowers, no getaway - just his hand. And that is when things changed for me … my soul seemed to wake and start to fight. I was determined to live once again.
There are many stories I will share with you in those 11 days in ICU. Psalm 30 was the scripture I focused in on day and night. I didn’t rest until I created a playlist to sing over me and make sure that I was worshipping not only when I was awake but I wanted my soul to worship as I slept too. My mind had to be focused on Him - not the lack of Duane’s presence or the fear that would creep in. In spite of my stay being much longer than I had ever visualized, I knew I was going to be ok because God’s word and our praise for Him doesn’t come back void.
But there was another reason I came through this life and death situation … it was because of each of you. Your prayers saved my life. Your prayers opened the doors for Jesus to come. Your prayers brought peace not only to me and in my room, but for Duane too. Your prayers brought me healing. Your prayers not only helped me physically - but emotionally and spiritually too. Your prayers were so powerful - and “God will continue to rescue” because of your faithfulness in prayer.
So today I give God thanks once again for bringing me through this, and saving me. But I give YOU thanks too! Your faithfulness was so good to me.
~Karen
