The Battle of my Heart...

I have three children and a husband living with me now, and I have a son clear across the other side of the world. I have three children and a husband living with me that have needs of me being part of their life - nurturing, caring and helping them and I have a son clear across the other side of the world that has a need of a mother to nurture, care and help him. I have three children and a husband living with me that are capable and able to do so much, and I have a son clear across the other side of the world that isn't. I have three children and a husband that has needs for me to be part of their life, and I have a son clear across the other side of the world that has a need for me too.

I live in a country that has so much - my son lives in a country that has so little. I have the comfort of warmth or coolness (which ever the need is at the time) - my son has protection from the elements. I live in a country that has education available wherever I choose to live - my son lives in an orphanage where it is there he can only receive any education. I live in a country for the people - my son lives in a country for it's government. I live in a country that when I am sick I always have somewhere to go - my son lives in a country that 15% of children under the age of one die because of lack of medical care. I live in a country that I have more than enough to eat - my son lives in a country that 40% of children under the age of 5 suffer from malnutrition. I live in a country where the need for gas prices to come down in order for us to survive and my sons lives in a country where the food, medical attention, water is needed so they can survive.

My heart has remained heavy these past few days. It isn't because of doubt or disbelief that God is able to move mountains and bring our son home - I believe with all my heart that He will, and not a moment too soon or a moment too late. But my heart is here with my family and in Liberia with my son. Oh, what I would do to have my arms wrapped around him! Last night, I went into Elijah's room and wept with God. Yes, with Him! I know our Heavenly Father created me and my heart, these children in Liberia are His as well, you don't you think He hasn't shed a few tears for the treatment of his people in Liberia too? He has. And we did together last night.

I confess on this blog that I have a hearts desire to make a difference. I want to use the gifts that God has given me and use it for the welfare of these orphans. Yes the mother in me questions the selfishness in this desire, after all I have three children and a husband here living with me.

I haven't shared too much with the details of what exactly is holding up our adoption because I have been asked to keep some things quiet for the sake of privacy. I can share that the government where our son is is very corrupt. They do NOT believe in adoption. They do NOT want my son with some others (who are from another tribe) to have a home before other orphans from their tribe are taken care of, and they don't want my son with the others from this other tribe to go to a rich country like the US and become educated and one day come back and rule over them. These government officials have lied and have threatened. There is one particular man that legally (by law) has nothing to do with the process of adoptions, but has made it his business just to try and stop the process. There is so much more, but for the delicate situation this is this is enough to share so you (as the reader) know where we are at.

I have been praying over this man in the Liberian government all week. I have prayed that his heart would change, that he too would have a conversion like Saul to Paul. I have prayed that even if it took something drastic like loosing his eyesight as Paul did - so be it. But then Saturday, I don't know if it was the "mother bear" in me or just plain anger when I hear not only about the orphans but the cries of the Liberian people or perhaps it was a bit of both I confess that I prayed that God would remove this man totally from power - even if death was the answer. Yes, the nice person I usually am prayed a very "unnice" prayer and worse, had a very "unnice" heart. Part of my crying with God last night wasn't just over this situation but the confession that once again I have messed up and displeased my Father. Will you pray for me that I will remember to continue to pray for this man daily, and that his name will change to Minister of God.

What can I do? In spite of all the evil that is in Liberia, in spite of the spiritual battle - I am ready to go and help in any way I can. But yet I am reminded even as I write those words...the battle is the Lords. He is already victorious and doesn't need any one's help! However, I believe too that He creates us all with our own unique gifts and can use them for His glory. God, if you want my unique gifts to be used in Liberia, send me, I am ready. I will remain in prayer regarding His people in Liberia, and the orphans. I will sacrifice something for the sake of someone else.

What can you do? Please pray for not only our son, but so many other orphans who are ready to go home but are being held up because of this "bully" in the government office. Pray and believe that our God will move mountains! And please consider donating to the orphan project - the link is on the left. This isn't just about building a bigger facility. We are building a school not just for the orphans but for all in the community to come to. (You see, Liberia just passed a law that states all children must go to school...however, they have never created any school for the children to go to.) Also the facility has a medical facility that is available to all the community. The money you donate doesn't just make a difference in a life of an orphan, but to the lives of Liberians - that are crying out for help. Know too that an organization such as UNICEF will use 90% for administration costs where this organization will use every penny donated to the funding of this project. Thank you too for so many of you who have cried out with me to a God that listens, cares and answers our prayers!

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress..." James 1:27