The Kindness & Goodness of God...

Our Bible Study is now done. But today I ponder the fruit of kindness and goodness. Today I'm also struggling.

Have you ever felt forgotten by God? I have. I remember when we moved here to Colorado, how everything seemed so easy for Duane, he had everything - job, new acquaintances and lighter baggage. I on the other hand had what I saw as nothing - no friendships, no connection at our church, no peace with our first choice of schools, and a heavier load that I could ever carry. I remember asking God one day..."hey, do you remember me?" I felt so alone, abandoned.

Isaiah 49:14-16 says "but Jerusalem said, "the Lord has left me; the Lord has forgotten me." The Lord answers, "can a woman forget the baby she nurses? Can she feel no kindness for the child to which she gave birth? Even if she could forget her children, I will not forget you. See, I have written your name on my hand." In the NIV version the word of written is engraved and in Hebrew that means "to hack". This verse offers us the heart of our God...the engraving of our names are carved into our Gods hands and written by the precious blood of His son, Jesus. How can he forget us? We are not only in, but "tattooed" in his hand for him to see. My daughter has a precious note on her facebook: "If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it."

But today I struggle. You see, many of you don't quite understand where Duane and I are at. We feel called here in Colorado to raise and care for the family God has blessed us to be. We have our roles, and know God has called us to it. Then we have two children on the other side of the world that we feel called to too. Children that aren't understanding the coming and going of many people, aren't understanding and questioning in their young minds how a mother can forget about them. How they cry, and are cared for but deep down wonder how long that person will be in their life. We see our son who is ready to attach to anyone. We want to book a flight and be with our young children and wait out the turmoil that is in Liberia together. We want to love our children. We want to comfort them. We want to hold them. We want to love... and so does God. God wants to love them, and love us, He wants to comfort them and comfort us, He want to hold them and hold us...He wants to love.

God created my mommy's heart. God created the mother's heart. God is the ultimate mother and father. So today I leave my precious little lambs in Jesus' hands once again and I put my fingertips in his palm and rub the markings of Elijah and Ruth's carved names. I surrender once again, I do love and I will continue to trust.

I noticed something about my prayer life. I have pleaded, begged, surrendered, held onto peace, held onto confusion and bitterness, cried, laughed, sought other prayer warriors, remained quiet, I have prayed once about things, and prayed a zillion times about others. Satan has been trying to show me how my prayers aren't working. How I need to give it up, God isn't listening. God doesn't care.

Ha!

My God has me engraved in the palm of His hand with the blood of Jesus. He cares and no matter how tired I become, no matter how long I have to wait, no matter how I feel today or tomorrow I choose to worship and love the one true and living God, the Father of heaven and earth, my Redeemer, my friend, the lover of my soul and the King of Kings. I may not be able to see the result of my prayers yet, but I hold onto the promise my God hears my prayers. My God is good and my God is kind.

Call to me and I will answer you

and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.

Jeremiah 33:3

So today I will pray. Today I will worship. Today I will praise. Today I will continue to love my God, trust and hope in Him. Today I will wait.