Letter from Mommy to her son and daughter

To my dear son, Elijah and my beautiful baby girl, Ruthie...

I love you two so much. I have loved you before I knew of your names, and I have loved you before I have even met you. And now that I have met you, I am even that much more excited about each of you and love you even more.

I know God is going to be doing something incredible in each of you, and is going to raise you up to be His prince and princess. God "knew you before He formed you in your mother's womb. Before you were born He set you apart and appointed you as His prophet to the nations." (Jeremiah 1:5). I am excited to get a part of watching God do His thing in each of you. I am so thankful that we will get to be a part of your lives.

Mommy has had some hard days. I have missed you so. I have wondered if God was going to finish what He started. I have been angry. And I have had thoughts of giving up, but I saw your darling faces and heard your giggles and knew that wasn't God's plan for us. I have given up on hope only to find hope again. I have believed that because I have not learned what I am suppose to learn, I have to wait for you, as if God is punishing me. But then I am reminded that isn't the God we serve. I have shed many tears for you. My heart has been broken as I wait for you. There hasn't been a day that has gone by that we haven't thought of you, loved you or prayed over you. You are apart of the family, whether you are here or not.

Today I thought of what I have learned through all this. I have learned to trust God in a whole new way, and every time I think I have mastered it, I have discovered there is a whole new layer to learn. Today as I write you I know I will continue to learn how to trust God, but know all in all He has everything all under control.

I saw Elijah in a dream, and trusted God that we were to adopt Elijah. Daddy and I were considering girl's names for you, Ruthie and found that God had already named you what we had planned. We don't understand why we have had to wait, but we continue to trust and believe God's timing in all this matters. And so we wait. I believe I have learned patience and will learn more. I have learned to love people I can't hold. I have learned more of who our God is and look forward to learning more. I have embraced God's love over and over again, and know His love is what is holding the two of you.

So today I wonder as I think of you. I wonder what God has taught you. I wonder if you have sensed how He is raising you. I wonder if you have learned to trust Him. I wonder if you have felt His kisses each night, as we pray for Him to tuck you in. I wonder if you have thought of us as much as we think of you. And as I wonder, I have so much joy and excitement, because one day through the power of our God you two, your sisters, Daddy and me will one day be together...and then I wonder again. I wonder what kind of family we are going to be? Together how are we going to serve and glorify God? And then I am that much more excited...because God is putting together something great.

So tonight I send you my love. I blow you your mommy's kisses. But I know that you are in a better place than if you were home with your family...and that is because you are in our Father's hand. Sleep tight. Together we will continue to learn, continue to trust and one day we will rejoice not because we are together, but because God has completed what He has started and it will be greater than what we can even imagine.

I love you!,
Your Mommy