This Crazy Journey called Life - Part Two

"She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said." 

Luke 10:39 NIV

Martha vs. Mary.

I always thought I was both.  God has shown me otherwise.

I thought I could be caught sitting at the feet of Jesus, soaking in His words.  God has shown me otherwise.

I look now at this familiar story and see that it was Martha that opened up their home, not Lazarus (the head of the household) or Mary who is so consumed by Jesus...but Martha.  Martha opened up the opportunity for her siblings to soak in Jesus!  That is the gift of hospitality!

But the problem is:  Martha is distracted by the responsibilities.  (I can relate.)  She is probably making sure the kitchen is cleared and ready for the next task at hand, just in case her guest wants some coffee, or perhaps some chocolate chip cookies.  She wants her bathroom candles lit, and the home environment welcoming.  She doesn't want Jesus to have to worry about a thing, or feel He is imposing.  She is fretting over His encounter at their home, that she forgets to encounter Jesus, herself.  (I can so relate!)  She exhausts herself as she does the cleaning, cooking and planning, and is so absorbed on how Jesus is going to see her through these tasks at hand, instead of allowing Him to just see her.  She grumbles as the tiredness that takes hold of her emotions, and her spirit cries out "I would like to be sitting before Jesus!", but just doesn't know how when she sees more to be done. 

And that is where I am at! 

I am a Martha!

God has been calling me to encounter Him.  To sit at his feet, drink from His cup and just allow His love to shower upon me. 

I have been fretting.

I don't feel comfortable "sitting" or allowing Him to take care of me, when I see there are other people to take care of, or when I see what kind of person I am. 

Yet God still wants me to come and experience His fullness.

I have confessed to Him that this is so hard for me.  I pleaded with Him as I told Him how much I love to experience Him through serving.  Yet He wants more for me and calls me to Him.  He is answering the cry of my heart to go deeper with Him (I just didn't know it meant this way). 

A couple of weeks ago, I couldn't get moved as I tried to worship God at our women's Bible study. I struggled coming into His presence because I hadn't been serving or doing, I was just simply coming.  I know He wanted me to come, but I remained uncomfortable.

A week later, I went into the same worship setting, knowing I could come and worship the King of Kings because I was given a heart to serve once again and had another task in my hand.  And then it hit me!  My worship was according to me...not God!  OUCH!!!!

So the selfishness I felt before Him, as I wasn't serving but "just" sitting turned into just that...a worship of selfishness!  NOT what I want!

So each day I seek His voice.  I am learning to sit still (which is still a challenge) and truly enjoy the love our God has for me.  I see His hand on my shoulder, and His smile upon me.  He is helping me as He teaches.  He wants to do "simple" things for me.  I am experiencing doors closing and a quietness behind them that I have never experienced.  And I am beginning to hear the heartbeat of God!

And I am learning it is OK.

And you know what?  It feels good to be so loved!