Judge vs. Love

"and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love,

I gain nothing." 

1 Corinthians 13:2-3

God aligned me clearly to be a CASA advocate, and put it in my lap this past summer.  Out of obedience I took the classes, and shortly after I received my first case.

I can't share with you about specifics in my case, but I can share that it involves three children, one mom, two dads, one girlfriend, two great-grandmother's and one grandfather, two grandmothers...not to mention now all these lives have not only me, but a GAL, a caseworker and judge.  There are also some special respondent attorneys, a supervised visit place and observers, therapists, UA's and parenting classes.  I think all this sums up the case in a nut shell.  I remember during the first couple of weeks after being assigned the case how overwhelmed I was with all the names and positions as I tried to figure out their role, and then I questioned if God had the right person for the job! 

I have enjoyed getting to know these children, and even the adults that are involved.  However, I haven't enjoyed the responsibility of making judgemental recommendations, as I witness visits and discern each atmosphere that the children are involved in.  Judge.  That is God's role, not mine.  I have worked and worked to remove judgment thoughts from me as I meet new people, or worship with others at church, and even as I interact with my family.  But now with this new role, I feel as if now that is what I am asked to do.  I ask God before every visit, to give me discernment and wisdom but to not have to judge.  God reminded me that it is NOT my role to judge but to just be a vessel of love...that is why he called me to this, not for anything else.   

So I'm not to judge, but I am to love.   Before one of my visits I had to get honest with God.  I asked Him, "have you seen what these parents have done?  Have you seen the lack of parenting they have done?  Aren't you aware of what these children have seen and participated?  You have to see it, and agree that these parents don't deserve to have these children!  Don't you see how the roller coaster of emotions are affecting these children?"  And then as I was pointing my finger at them, I saw three fingers pointing back at me.  I have yelled at my girls during their growing up.  I have hurt their feelings.  I have been late picking them up from school.  I have given them ice-cream and popcorn for dinner a time or two.  I skipped their baths when I just was too tired.  I haven't gotten out of bed and have let them tend to themselves.  So as those three fingers were pointing back to me, and I saw all of this, I saw not only do I not deserve the children I have, but these parents deserve as much grace and mercy that I myself ask for each day.  I picked up a role that wasn't mine to fill and I wasn't loving.  I confessed all this and sought God's forgiveness, and I asked for God's love to shine through me and love the parents I was about to meet, to let me discern and witness anything I need to be aware of, and I spent the rest of the time praying over two complete strangers.

You know what?  He did just as I asked.  The parents saw that I was there to not judge them, that they could talk to me.  I was able to see strengths and concerns that needed to be documented.  I didn't see how God is going to fix these parents, but I rested knowing that the God of the Universe loves them just as much as everyone else and has everything under control.   

I am learning so much about God and his love through CASA.  And what I have seen, God's love is greater than I can ever imagine, and if I would just rest in it and let it flow through me ... truthfully, nothing else matters.