Torn Between Two Worlds

Well, I should be writing you journal, day 3, 4, ect. But time is an issue these days, and frankly, I just don't want to. To sum up all the days I was there...God moved each day. He made divine appointments each and every day, and not just one, but several. We met with congressmen, representatives and the agency even met with the vice-president. What I personally saw was scales falling off eyes, and the truth revealed. I saw many surprised expressions, as well as some faces surprised that we would be so bold to speak the truth. God opened many doors, and was moving. Bottom line, what does it all mean? Do we have a date that our kids will be home? No. But I can and continue to trust that God will have our kids home when He wants them home. And too, I am that much more confident that God has led us to the right agency and has built our agency director for "such a time as this".

The biggest question that I have received from everyone is "Was it hard to leave your kids?". Am I a horrible mother, because I have to say honestly "no"? I had God's peace with me that day. I knew I when I was going I wasn't necessarily coming back with them, I was hoping, but knew during the trip that our home isn't ready. We have more to do to get ourselves ready. I need to prepare and educate our girls more as to how to deal with different scenarios that will arise, so they know it isn't just a brother and sister that is coming home, but a culture too. We have nothing for Ruth, and we need to get her baby essentials, and of course, we want to do what is best for her and her adjustment so we research everything. I was embraced with peace that day, and left in full peace. Peace too that I knew that one day soon, I will see my kids again, and until then they are in a safe and loving environment, and most of all in God's most capable, able and loving hands. Because of that knowing, I had peace!

The biggest battle I have is now. There hasn't been a day that has gone by that I haven't thought about Liberia. And believe me, I have tried. The other day God had laid on my heart to get a certain woship CD to renew our time together. I picked it up at Target yesterday, as I peaked on the back to see the list of songs I saw a song that is sung by the artist and Watoto choir. You see, no matter how much I try God is not allowing "Africa" out of my mind, sight, ears - and now my heart. Yes, my heart. I cried in Target yesterday, and must have been a sight to see. But the burden I carry in my heart for these people, for this country is great. I long to even help, but what can a person like me do?

Each day I get behind the steering wheel. I have the anxiety of getting places constantly on time...sport practice, music lessons, doctor appointments, volunteer work at the school. Each place we are heading is led by the clock. The moment I got off the plane, and grabbed my luggage we were off to get the girls from school and trying to make a basketball game. I just got back from a country that has no concept of time to a country that is purly controled by lack of time and going 100 miles per hour because we fit too much in our days. I hate it! Each day as I get behind the steering wheel, I cry out to God "I know there is more to life than this. I have seen it. I have experienced it. Now what? Now how can I bring the there into here?" I am literally torn between two worlds. I have had a privildge and calling to go to Africa twice. This time returning I have had what many of you would call "culture shock". However, culture shock doesn't involve your heart and has nothing to do with stirring a passion within your soul. When I returned back from Uganda, I did experience "culture shock" and over time was able to accept the American world back into my life, but this time all I can say is that it is different.

I have now held my kids. I have laughed with them, fed them, cared for them, slept with them, even cried with them. I miss my kids! I long to have them with us, in my arms once again. And I am thankful I am not alone, for as much as I am longing to have them home, I know God is longing with me. He sees the big picture, and together we will wait until He says "go and get them", together we will wait, together we will long and together we will miss our kids.

Until they are home, I have created this video of all the pictures I have captured of Elijah and Ruthie while I was in Liberia. Enjoy seeing a glimpse of them, and please continue to pray with us that they will be home soon. (And don't forget to turn the music off at the bottom of the page.)