Goodbye's aren't Always Easy...

Today is the day. Today is the day we knew would come one day soon. Today is the day we have been trying to prepare our girls for, but how do you? Today is the day we have to say good-bye, and have a hard time doing so.

Today we will have to put our faithful and loyal friend down. A friend the girls have known all their lives. A friend that has stuck by Duane's side always. A friend that has driven me crazy, but still has loved. Today we say good-bye, through many tears, but know there will be a place with no more pain ... and knowing her we will still hear her barking all the way to those pearly gates.

Grace, you will be missed. We do love you so!

Our Journey

I have been looking at this blog for sometime now...wondering 1. what to write 2. how vulnerable do I make myself, and 3. what is it God wants me to say. I still look at this now empty space as I am writing how do I even begin to share what is so heavy on my heart with you. I would love to hide behind the excuse of "writer's block" or even the discouragement of comments I have received from unwanted solicitors for things inappropriate, but truthfully I just don't want to be "real" with you, as I try to be. Yet why have I avoided you ...

My pride. I have a fear of and not wanting to be wrong, foolish, fear of failing or even being or doing something stupid in front of you and everyone else. I like you thinking "she knows what she is doing, she seems to have it all together". But can I be honest with you? I don't! I make mistakes and fall everyday.

Our mission trip. I don't think it is going to happen as we have planned. What once was what we thought was God's direction is now uncertainty. God has not supplied the money needed, so we do know we aren't going anytime soon. We have raised the amount needed to provide for the orphans so we will give that money to Addy's Hope. It is still our desire to go to Africa, so we will continue to put nickles and dimes aside. I have to say "I don't know" what will happen, nor when. I stumble myself as I wonder ... is this our selfish desire or is this God? We rest on the fact...God puts the desires in our hearts.

Our adoption of Elijah and Ruth, otherwise known as the "elephant in the room". It was a few weeks ago, we received another email from our agency, with again, not so positive news. There is always something happening, something needed and something to do. Perhaps it is this time of the year, or because I have the mom-thing full force right now ... but whatever it is or wasn't...I reached my breaking point. I sat Duane down and said "I just can't do this anymore". God has told me to live in the present, and I can't find the presence when I'm constantly reminded of the past and waiting for the future. In my tears, Duane saw the desperation, the tiredness and the anguish of it all so he brought us to God. In our human hands, we confessed our tiredness, weakness and confusion with it all and how He has to take the reigns. If this is His desire He has to bring them home ... for we just can't anymore. We also confessed we should have never had the reigns in the first place.

I don't believe in coincidences. Our agency has asked us to contact our congressmen and representatives months ago. It has been 8 months ago when we started contacting them via: email and phone calls. Each call, each email had the same response ... "we are glad you contacted us, and we will be happy to get back to you within 48 hours", only to receive no response. After we surrendered things to God, we received a phone call from our congresswoman the next day. She is now doing some research and seeing what help she can provide us.

I don't know where this is going to lead. I remain always in hope - for mine remains in Christ, and no where else. However, I know I am in that place where I am starting to live again. I am enjoying the pleasures of a Godly man, and finding contentment with the beautiful girls we have. I am trying to take each step the way God would have me to go. I confess my mind stumbles in "being wrong", or even wondering if I chose a journey that God didn't ordain. But I know God makes ALL things good. I know I can't live in the past as God has reminded me by tripping myself up whether this was right or wrong, good or bad, of God or of self. I have to just simply live. Now I am allowing God to restore and fill those places that have been empty for so long. I am amazed of the restoration and new passion of love God has placed in Duane and my hearts for one another. I am weary and thankful for the emotions of teenage girls, and have found new strength as I guide their young hearts. Part of living too, is taking down what has become a "shrine" (as Duane has called Elijah's room) and allowing the girls to once again have their own rooms. When we know with our full hearts where and what we are suppose to do ... it is then we will act accordingly, until then we will simply live.

Pride. It has stumbled me. It has lead me in the wrong direction. It has kept my heart fully away from Him as well as relationships with others. But when I remove my pride, I find God holding me in His love. And that is where I am today.

Snow Day!

After we came home from our vacation, I was ready to be back with my friends in California and I admit I have been a bit homesick for some of my favorite places. It was only a couple of days back in the routine of things when we got hit...

a snow storm!
And then I was reminded...Spring may be different here than in the terrain and weather that I used to know in California. And yes, spring here may not always be filled with the warmth of the sun as I once used to know, but there is one thing that spring time in Colorado brings ...

Snow Days! Gotta Love Them!

Things That I Learn On Spring Break

I didn't know how important it was to have a few days of relaxation. I confess I have felt we shouldn't do such frivolous things until our children are home, especially when I think of their hungry bellies and circumstances they live in. So we have continued to put off our needs of relaxation. But we finally did it. We addressed our needs, and took care of ourselves. We were hoping for a frivolous vacation...one in Hawaii or in California, but soon realized God was addressing our needs of having time with one another and getting some much needed rest away from the everyday life. We didn't go far - Denver, to be precise. But it was perfect, and just what we needed. I was able to do my Bible study, cry as I read a good book, laugh with the family, and see my husband relax as work was set aside. I remember seeing lists of "Things You Learn in Kindergarten" or "Things You Learn in School", I have come up with my own: Things You Learn on Spring Break":

1. Rest is a need. It is something we shouldn't put off. God even rested on the seventh day. Shame shouldn't be connected with rest, I should be obedient and do it. Rest prepares me for the events of the week, and takes away the stress from the previous. Rest is a need.


2. I am able to get closer to my family and also to God because distractions are less.


3. My husband is fun! When he is away from the pressures of work, and others telling him what to do and when...he is the man I haven't seen for a long time.


4. My girls make me laugh. The things they think about and do make me giggle.


5. Lindsay is overwhelmed by the demands she has and have put on herself. Getting time away she was able to put them aside and talk them out.


6. Katie was feeling isolated. She was getting shuffled in between Lindsay's firsts and Courtney's health needs.


7. Courtney's medical issues weren't as tolling on her during the time away as they are in her everyday life.


8. Courtney LOVES family time. Nothing can be any better for her, if we are all together, no matter what we are doing.


9. It doesn't take much to have relaxation: a hotel, being away from responsibilites of homelife, and each other is all that is needed. We bought a couple of games and played them over the days either spread out in the living space or on our bed. (We are all obsessive about winning).


10. TV is a treat for us (since we don't have cable), and it only takes one channel to entertain the GIRLS of the family...TLC (What Not to Wear, Four Weddings, Say Yes to the Dress, etc.).


11. Duane is still outvoted when it comes to the TV. Luckily he loves to read, and enjoyed doing so.


12. We discovered that if you keep walking on the 16th Street Mall, there is a park at the way end. We saw loose rope walkers ... something new to watch.


13. Saint Patrick's Day isn't the best time to hang out in Denver. My girls were able to learn a lot that day.


14. 14. Pedicures are still welcomed to all of us girls.



15. 15. Having a mall across from the hotel is all the entertainment you need when you have a house full of teenage girls.

16. Having a pool, hot tub and pennies are an added bonus to any vacation.

17. We finally found a great Mexican restaurant since our move here: El Senor Sol. YUM! Lindsay was able to practice her Spanish, and learn some more.

18. When rested, we are able to truly get to know others. We are friendly and welcoming.

19. We didn't miss our dog and to much of Courtney's dismay we will not be replacing our dog when the time comes.

20. The passion and love I have for my husband is great. I enjoy the man he is and hearing about his dreams and passions. He is tender and caring, and makes me smile. I can still get lost in his dark brown eyes and am able to stay there forever.

So, if you are looking at getting away ... do. But know, it doesn't take much. The girls all in all were looking for the time together over elaborate places to go. I felt foolish to spend money on something that was so close, but in the end ... it was all worth it!

You may have heard that one of the places we were hoping to go to was Disneyland. The added bonus, and the conclusion to our vacation was that Disneyland was brought to us ... Disney On Ice, to be exact.

We can't wait until our next Spring Break!

Reclaiming Our Family

Where do we even begin? I have not been kidding in the past few posts when confessing the chaos our family has been in. We have had someone sick constantly for the past two months, we have endeared financial strain, had a huge education decision to make, major crisis at Duane's work, Courtney's childhood health issues have resurfaced, and the list goes on. Through everything we are just plain exhausted, which makes it all that much harder to get through.

We have remained quiet, and have been put on our knees. Truly, there isn't a better place to be. Does that make life easier? No, but much more manageable.

Through prayer, bible study, journaling and listening - we have seen something that alarmed us. We are living in the future ... definitely not in the present. I believe it started the same time we committed to Elijah. We put everything on hold by saying "we'll do this when Elijah & Ruthie are home...", for example. Life has been on hold because we have stopped living. I haven't even taken a family picture because I keep thinking that Elijah and Ruthie will be home, and we'll just do it then. Honestly, the intentions are good (I'm always trying to save a dollar), but through the savings, we forgot about the treasures we have. You know those treasures we take for granted: the gift of a marriage, the beauty of three girls, the good health we are given, the wonder of creation and the best yet ... God's son, Jesus. When we stopped living, we put these things aside too.

Duane and I have been working so hard to "reclaim our family" (our current purpose statement). Because we have endured so much stress in the past few months, we are trying to reduce it. We are trying to do what is right for our family, and not the others down the street or those sitting in the same pew as us on Sunday morning. Through it we are trying to be prepared for the unforeseen stress that comes into the family, but most of all to bring our family together once again. Some of the things we have done are: we have decided next school year to put Katie and Lindsay in the public schools near our home , and Courtney to be home schooled. This will naturally put us at home more, and lessen the strain from our commute. It will also put me, the peacemaker of the home to do just that...help create an atmosphere of peace. Home schooling will not be easy, and add it's own kind of stress but we will reap its benefits and know it is best for Courtney at this time. The change will naturally help us financially as well, as we can focus at getting out of debt. As long as we continue to owe, there isn't peace. Duane and I will also have more time to put aside for each other. We are both looking forward to this. If we aren't healthy in our relationship, the whole family will crumble and fall in the littlest strain that comes our way. And too, we have realized we haven't taken a true vacation for the past seven years. Duane's company has had a major catastrophe that didn't allow our original plans of a great vacation to work, but as we said to the girls ... "it doesn't matter where we are, but that we are together and learn how to laugh again". So with that we are escaping over the next few days.

As we stand guard to what may come our way, and as we try and get our life back in the present, I can't help but be thankful. For I am thankful that God doesn't put me on hold as He waits for another person or event. I am thankful that I have a God that has it all together, and takes the time to live with and through each of us. I am thankful He is my Redeemer and has claimed our family over and over again. And in my thankfulness, I will take His lead, and learn to stay in the current time and His presence.

So as for you...you'll have to hold out about all the things we have been doing in our life, or what we are working toward doing. Today, we hold onto each other, as He is holding onto us and we are taking some time for a little get-away. See you later!

As I Survey the Wonderful Cross...

You know the story of the cross. Christ was beaten beyond recognition, nailed to the cross, died there. Then was buried, and three days later arose from the grave. He did this for you and for me, so we have have a life with God in heaven - eternal life for all those who choose to believe. If you don't know the story Duane and I would be privileged to share it with you and pray for you.

I know the story. Yet my soul has not been satisfied. I know the answers. I know what the preachers tell us. I know. But yet God is stirring in my soul. The question has been raised a couple of times in my mind: "Karen, what does the cross mean to you? Do you know the power in the cross?" No, I don't! I'm a Christian, and I don't. Shame has held me down.

Also, what does it really mean to "deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me"? The cross represents Christ's crucifixion, am I to be crucified daily?

But I pursue God, trust Him and seek His answer.

We have had such a spiritual battle these past couple of months. Lies, betrayal, hurts, anger, health issues, loneliness, life changing decisions and so much more are just some of the things that have been coming our way. When I have been the weakest, it is those times I am caught off guard and have believed; "I must deserve all this, for the loving God I serve wouldn't do such things." Oh, Satan - you have been revealed, and you are exposed and not allowed to speak such things to me no more!

But I have believed that lie. I have learned that right now, every thought needs to be held captive, and questioned by God's truth. If it doesn't hold true...it's from the enemy and I caste it out. He can not have a hold on me anymore. I learned in my study yesterday that "My truth + God's truth = FREEDOM" and that is just where I am heading to today. Thank you God for always being faithful!

But what does that cross mean to me today? It is where I can nail all these lies I have believed, all the wounds that have come my way that have caused me not to trust or believe, all the emotional turmoil and all the thoughts can be. I choose to not pick them up anymore. I am yelling to God that He IS enough. I am daily laying all my stuff down, and choosing for Him to take the lead in my life and live the life as He sees fit - obeying Him, and doing His word. I feel so much lighter!

So when I sing the words to the song "When I Survey the Wonderful Cross"...I'm doing just that. Soaking in His goodness, His faithfulness, His strength, His love and laying everything of mine down, so He may live through me.

T-shirts For Sale!

I wish I could share everything we have endured! So many trials, so many lies, so many "yuckies!" But what I can share with you is GOD IS GOOD, ALL THE TIME!!! God has remained faithful and true, and all those things that were under cover in darkness are being exposed in HIS light, and can not have any hold on us anymore!

With that said, we are going full force and "stepping out" as God has told us to do. We have to raise 20,000 dollars in a matter of a few weeks. Approximately 15,000 will go toward the airfare, lodging, traveling, food for the five of us to go to Liberia and stay there for two weeks. We are trying to raise 3,000-4,000 for a car for Addy's Hope orphanage. The orphanage has been out of a vehicle since this summer. That seems like a mild and unnecessary problem, but it is making it difficult for the workers to get the supplies needed, and getting children to the clinic when the need arises, and keeping the workers away from the fight for the orphans to be released. We are also trying to raise funds (2,000-3,000) to feed these children, and even go out to the "bush" and see what we can provide there. We are READY to go, and be God's hands and feet.

Lindsay and I have met with our art teachers, brainstormed, sought God and came up with a design fitting for our trip and to bring some awareness of the need not only in Liberia, but in the continent of Africa. This is the design Lindsay came up with and our new t-shirts...

These forest green t-shirts are selling for $20.00 each...only 1,000 needed to sell to pay for the full trip. Those of you not near us and desire a t-shirt, you can have one too with shipping and handling. Please email us at archiengirls@msn.com to place your order! If you would like to simply contribute to our trip please write your checks payable to Addy's Hope, and put Archibald Mission Trip in the Memo and send them to...

Addy's Hope Adoption and Child Relief Ministry

1908 W. Wall Suite D

Midland, TX 79701

Thank you for your full support!!!!

What if?

Out of no where, our family has been hit. I don't want to give any recognition in the thief who came to steal and destroy, but rather confess where I have been.

• I have a way of seeing what is in front of me as truth.
• I still struggle with making a connection in Colorado. It seems to be an ongoing struggle. I have met many people, but still long to have a relationship where I can call to go out for a cup of coffee or go shopping with, or better yet - they call me. I allowed jealousy and envy come into our marriage, because of it. I even let confusion come into our family as to where our place of worship should even be. Connection...everyone longs for it, to have identity and be recognized.
• In a matter of a few hours, I was facing some health issues in a routine exam and the health of our youngest was resurfacing once again, which brought on doubt in the decisions we made when she was just three. I even questioned my mothering.
• At that same doctor's visit I was all of a sudden dealing with things I have already dealt with (spiritually) and thought it was all over. I was reminded of my lack of identity and condemned because of it. I was labeled over and over, never seeing one of them coming.

After seeking some prayer, and casting off the enemy's lies, I have come to praise the God I have. Through prayer and praising I am restored. Today I heard two words - what if. I didn't quite understand these words until I stewed over them a while longer as I continued to seek God.

What if ... I saw things beyond what is in front of me, if I saw things through the One who is able?

What if ... I didn't focus on connection, but rather trusted God who moved us here and rested in that?

What if ... I am allowed to experience the loss of connection, the lack of conversation, the fellowship with a friend so I may experience the heart of Gods'?

What if ... I wasn't jealous of Duane's connections and lifestyle, and yet was thankful He has blessed my husband so, and made Duane more connected to his family, and a stronger spirtual leader in our home because of this relocation?

What if ... I wasn't so quick to look elsewhere for connection but stayed where I was and allowed God to connect with me?

What if ... I remained in the peace God gave us many years ago as our daughter was given the right doctors and surgeons and through the decisions we made?

What if ... I sought the Healer who ultimately healed our daughter, and rested in the knowing He could heal her and me again?

What if ... I allowed God to come in and remind me that I am His, and that is my identity?

As I pondered these "what ifs", I found the answer to the question I have been searching for - I would be in the place God wants us all to be in - a place with Him, and a place of praise!

Today I will continue to praise God for He is faithful and true. I praise Him for His provisions and protection. I praise Him for His heart to be a forever best-friend in my life, who is interested in me, caring, compassionate and always ready for a conversation. I praise God for His creation in Duane and our family, and how I can see Him doing good things in each of us. I praise God that He can fix all things, provide all things so I don't have to! I praise God for He can be seen each day. I praise God who heals because of the abundance of love He has for each of us. I praise God for my salvation and His acceptance that I am His. He is worthy of ALL my praise!

Now, if you excuse me... I am going to run to have a cup of hot chocolate and some long awaited conversation with my best-friend!

Room in the Inn?

As you have been reading it is the girls plan to go and serve in Liberia this Christmas. Unfortunately they have not raised the full amount needed, the t-shirts aren't ready to sell, and the airlines don't have any available seats. We are seeking plan B (I suppose God's original plan): which will be going back during spring break, if not sooner. For those of you who are still wanting to support the girls endeavor, we have made arrangements for you to receive a tax-deduction by making your checks out to "Addy's Hope", with "Archibald trip" in the memo. You can send it to them or us. Thank you for your support!

The girls were heartbroken. Duane and I were too. I'm thankful that our disappointment fell during the start of a season of Hope and Joy. So, we went back to the traditions, that come with this time of year; and each of us seeking the true meaning of Christmas...Jesus, our Savior, Deliverer and our Greatest gift of all.

We are still seeking "the place" where we will go and get our tree each year. We like to make a day out of it...just the five of us (soon to be seven). This year we headed down to Colorado Springs and spent the day there, singing along to Christmas songs, and giggling throughout the car ride there.

We found our trees!!!

The girls, in all humor wondered if they could get their parents to choose this one...needless to say, we simply said "I don't think so!" :)

It is our Christmas tradition to get a second, little Christmas tree. Those of you who have known us for quite some time, probably remember a specifically hard time in our lives - when we moved from Oakley to Concord; and the home we purchased turned out to be a "buyer beware" home. As quickly as we moved in, we had to move out due to a major water leak, which brought with it mold. For three months we lived in a hotel room, without our belongings or the comforts of home. Nothing went according to plan.

We purchased a little "Charlie Brown tree", which we brought with us to our new home when it was safe to move in again. Unfortunately, the only access we had in our new home were the bedrooms; so it was our room that our little tree stood.

All of our belongings were packed and unable to get to. As the girls brought arts and crafts home from school, and our family made some ornaments we soon had our first ever home made Christmas.

I remember being grateful that Christmas that there was room in the "inn" when we were seeking shelter. We were grateful our family and friends were always willing to take us in during those dreadful three months. But we couldn't help but wonder, why couldn't Bethlehem make room for Jesus? His family were strangers I suppose.

So every year we make our home made Christmas tree (which stands not in our bedroom but rather our family room) and remember. We remember how God took care of us when everything was taken away. But it also stands as a reminder to make room always for Jesus. And that is our challenge to you this season...do you have room for Him? Is there space for Him to come?

"For to us a child is born,

to us a son is given,

and the government will be on his shoulders.

And he will be called Wonderful Counselor,

Mighty God,

Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."

Isaiah 9:6

Are you ready?

"Be joyful always, pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus"

At our cell group the other night I recognized how I have been so focused on my circumstances this past week, thus not having a heart of thanksgiving. God calls us to be thankful always, and I haven’t been. I’m sorry. It is when I am thankful that I recognize God and see His heart. It is when I see the God that He is; I can see how He isn't against me but for me. I long to be in that place once again.

There is so much to be thankful for: our family; health; doctors; freedom; a family that is united in Christ and all willing to serve you Him; a husband; a job that provides; a home and its contents; warmth; food; a God who saves, loves, and is forever faithful; and the One who is our hope, deliverer and has everything under control.

I’m thankful for our small group where I am welcomed, supported and loved.

I’m so thankful for God’s healings in my life, especially the freedom in it; I’m thankful to be alive and serve the King of the Most High; for a Christian school and our church; for technology and transportation that makes the world smaller; for girls who do appreciate, love and encourage me; pets who show faithfulness and love; a heart for Africa and the people there.

I’m thankful my husband remains beside me, behind me and before me; I’m thankful for his touch and how it still excites me.

I’m thankful for God’s love, forgiveness, and grace. I’m thankful His mercies are new every morning and how I have a fresh new start each day. I’m thankful God gave me a testimony and I am chosen by Him. I am thankful too we have the privilege to embrace Elijah and Ruth into our lives even though miles separate us; and I am thankful for His provisions for them and the other orphans.

I’m thankful for the beauty of the outdoors, how I have been able to experience the salt air and serenity of the ocean as well as the splendor of the mountain tops.

I’m thankful I have been able to hold Elijah and Ruth in my arms, and witness the beauty of seeing Lindsay, Katie and Courtney enter the world. I’m thankful God has carried me through those valleys when I couldn't even stand.

I’m thankful death doesn’t mean the end but only the beginning.

I am so thankful for Jesus, who came down to earth and took my beatings, was ridiculed and beaten, then died on the cross so I could live forever more with my God. I’m thankful for God’s friendship and for Him being my Father.

I’m thankful for protection everyday as we drive the interstate; the quietness and stillness of the morning before anyone’s awake.

I’m thankful Duane still holds my hand. I’m thankful for the passion in a kiss; Eskimo, butterfly and dog kisses; hand prints and footprints.

I’m thankful for tears but especially the joy that comes in the morning. I’m thankful for quiet times where I meet God face to face; journaling; bible study and His word. I am thankful for God’s word and how I can stand on His promises. I am thankful for His hope and a future; a God who doesn’t condemn but has our best interest at heart; His provisions.

I’m thankful for caterpillars and seeing them turn into butterflies; for the beauty of watching the sunrise from the prairie to it’s setting over the ocean. I’m so thankful I was allowed to see so much of His creation on safari.

I’m thankful for each stage the girls have gone through and finding the terrible two’s weren’t terrible but terrific and the teenage years don’t push their parents away but need them even more.

I’m very thankful for God’s creation in me, his fingerprints all over me and how He dances over me; and thankful Duane and the girls have too put their faith in God and I can have peace they too have a future. I’m thankful our God reigns!

I’m thankful I am His and all these things He has allowed me to experience. To God Be All The Glory!

From Our Home to Yours, Happy Thanksgiving! May you find a joyful heart as you experience the reasons we have to be thankful, and find peace as you experience the One we thank.