Looking through His eyes...

I didn't want to write today. But I felt I wouldn't be honest with each of you if I just wrote on the days I have happy things to write about or just about the things we have been up to. I didn't want to write today because today was a hard day.

I haven't been able to get Elijah out of my mind. I have cried my heart out to God and confessed how some days are just plain harder than others to wait on His timing and with patience. And yet through my tears I have had a glimpse of God's love for us as we journey onward on this road of adoption. After my experience with God this morning I explained to Duane how hard today is and I broke down into sobs.

You might think it was a sob of wanting Elijah home, and some of it was, but more I was humbled as I recognized the love God has for us, and experienced two different ways throught this adoption.

First, I can't tell you the depth of the love I have for Elijah. That alone is amazing because I have never met him yet! Can you see God's love in that? But even greater than that, I have pondered the depth and width of God's love - for He does know us and how great is that!

I have a way of thinking that because I have lessons God is growing me in that I haven't learned yet God has kept Elijah in Liberia. Beyond that, I think I constantly mess up and because of it I won't be "rewarded" with Elijah - until I can get things right. Today (again chapel day) I have held a heart of worship; at school, in the car and cleaning the house and I heard God saying "Oh, Precious Child, look through my eyes." As I was pouring out my heart to Him and then Duane I realized I just can't look through His eyes...I see all the mess ups, I see all the yuckiness and I can't get past it. But He has. And that is His mercy and grace. Yes, He saw those things once and sent Jesus, but now because of Jesus He just doesn't see those things anymore. Do I need to still have a heart of confession? Absolutely! But through all my things God still loves me. And bottom line God is not going to withhold Elijah from me because of these things. God will finish what He has started. He is the beginning and the end, and even the encore!

So where are we with all this? As you can tell we are still waiting. There has been some chaos in Liberia, and things now are moving extremely slow. What we need from you is your prayers. Please join us in praying that our son will come home in His perfect timing, that God will be once again glorified in all this and Duane and I will have the patience and strength to wait. Thank you so much for all your encouragement throughout all this. We anxiously count the days until his homecoming - and then there will be more tears - that of rejoicing!