This Crazy Journey called Life - Part Two

"She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said." 

Luke 10:39 NIV

Martha vs. Mary.

I always thought I was both.  God has shown me otherwise.

I thought I could be caught sitting at the feet of Jesus, soaking in His words.  God has shown me otherwise.

I look now at this familiar story and see that it was Martha that opened up their home, not Lazarus (the head of the household) or Mary who is so consumed by Jesus...but Martha.  Martha opened up the opportunity for her siblings to soak in Jesus!  That is the gift of hospitality!

But the problem is:  Martha is distracted by the responsibilities.  (I can relate.)  She is probably making sure the kitchen is cleared and ready for the next task at hand, just in case her guest wants some coffee, or perhaps some chocolate chip cookies.  She wants her bathroom candles lit, and the home environment welcoming.  She doesn't want Jesus to have to worry about a thing, or feel He is imposing.  She is fretting over His encounter at their home, that she forgets to encounter Jesus, herself.  (I can so relate!)  She exhausts herself as she does the cleaning, cooking and planning, and is so absorbed on how Jesus is going to see her through these tasks at hand, instead of allowing Him to just see her.  She grumbles as the tiredness that takes hold of her emotions, and her spirit cries out "I would like to be sitting before Jesus!", but just doesn't know how when she sees more to be done. 

And that is where I am at! 

I am a Martha!

God has been calling me to encounter Him.  To sit at his feet, drink from His cup and just allow His love to shower upon me. 

I have been fretting.

I don't feel comfortable "sitting" or allowing Him to take care of me, when I see there are other people to take care of, or when I see what kind of person I am. 

Yet God still wants me to come and experience His fullness.

I have confessed to Him that this is so hard for me.  I pleaded with Him as I told Him how much I love to experience Him through serving.  Yet He wants more for me and calls me to Him.  He is answering the cry of my heart to go deeper with Him (I just didn't know it meant this way). 

A couple of weeks ago, I couldn't get moved as I tried to worship God at our women's Bible study. I struggled coming into His presence because I hadn't been serving or doing, I was just simply coming.  I know He wanted me to come, but I remained uncomfortable.

A week later, I went into the same worship setting, knowing I could come and worship the King of Kings because I was given a heart to serve once again and had another task in my hand.  And then it hit me!  My worship was according to me...not God!  OUCH!!!!

So the selfishness I felt before Him, as I wasn't serving but "just" sitting turned into just that...a worship of selfishness!  NOT what I want!

So each day I seek His voice.  I am learning to sit still (which is still a challenge) and truly enjoy the love our God has for me.  I see His hand on my shoulder, and His smile upon me.  He is helping me as He teaches.  He wants to do "simple" things for me.  I am experiencing doors closing and a quietness behind them that I have never experienced.  And I am beginning to hear the heartbeat of God!

And I am learning it is OK.

And you know what?  It feels good to be so loved!

This Crazy Journey called Life - Part One

I'm sorry I haven't been posting much these days.  If I had to post a couple of weeks ago, I know it would have been a pretty depressing post.  I didn't know what God had for us, and felt so lost, as I have hidden the secret that the three children we thought were coming to our home are not.  I wondered if I am hearing God correctly as it was, and was afraid to hear comments from my readers as to "another adoption journey to an end" or even sense your judgement.  I felt forgotten and bruised from hitting another brick wall. 

I am also at that age where my girls are older, more self-confident (which is what we want for them), and wondering ... what is my purpose now?

I didn't want to hear every one's two cents.  I wanted to hear God and only God.

I have an addiction.  I look at children who need to be adopted constantly.  It seems that there was this panic inside of me, that I need to find the right child God has for our home.  The stress of "is this the one" constantly weighed on me. 

And then God showed up ...

First, I was shown sin in my life that I had to make right with God.  I had allowed the enemies lies in, and started to believe them.  I was constantly saying "I'm not hearing God", when the truth was; I was.  But I kept denying God, and believing what I was saying.  My life with God was quiet because I had chose it, not Him.  Repentance and forgiveness was in order.

And then I was able to hear God clearly...

God showed me a woman, who I have envied and became jealous of.  I couldn't even have conversations with this woman because of my jealousy.  You see, this woman started the adoption process at the same time we had.  Hers came together lickity split.  Ours is ... well, you know that story.  She had her family.  She went after what was on her heart, and had completion.  Her journey was hard, as she dealt with RAD and other issues that came into their home with the child.  She even gave me words of advice, that were negative and not encouraging because of the hardships she was dealing with.  She has had this child for over a year.  But now ... this woman has had to let this child go.  This child didn't work out in their home, and she is feeling really depressed over her loss.  I'm sure she has questioned everything.

God asked me "are you jealous of her now"?    And the truth is - "no, no I'm not".  I hurt for her.  I don't want to experience the pain she is in now, have all the questions that are running through her head or hurting as a mom of the disappointment it has left her other children.  No, I am far from jealous now. 

God gives us our stories.  God gives us our victories in the right time for them.  God gives us our break through, when we are ready to see Him as the One who is able.  God knows what we can handle, and knows what exactly we need to learn to equip us on the journey He has us on.  God loves us.  God protects us.  God knows us better than we know ourselves.  And God knows the bigger picture!

The rush I am on to get a child into our home in the way of adoption, has been tilted off.  I have discovered that God's ways are best.  He knows what child should be in our home.  He knows what family each orphan needs.  He is the perfect matchmaker.

I was also reminded from God, that He did not put "adoption" on my heart, but rather a little boy named Elijah on my heart.  Ruth became the added bonus.   I'm not to pursue adoption.  I'm not to pursue even Elijah and Ruth, as He has made it clear to let them go in His hands.  What I have learned is that I am to pursue Him.  So these past few weeks, as our posting has been non-existent, that is exactly what I've been doing.  Pursuing Him.  Finding Him.  Finding Peace.  Finding Love.  Finding Protection.  Finding a new passion in Him.  If He puts another child on our hearts He'll show us.  I can remain in confidence of that, as I am pursuing Him.

I have so much more to share of this journey I am on.  But for now, I'll let you ponder these words.  And give you your own chance to pursue Him. 

Time for a Get-Away

There is always a time when one needs to get-away. With the adoption journey we have been on, and the emotions of letting go, and the strong desire to reclaim our lives we took some time-out to do just that:   reclaim our family life. And what a better place to do it in, then Disneyland!

WE ARE SO PROUD!!!!!

We know our daughter, Lindsay's, talent.  We've seen it all along...I even felt it in my womb.  There are those times when others take notice, which confirms what we have seen all along - and it is those moments our buttons burst! 


We received some exciting news this weekend.  So exciting that our shirts are button less.  News that makes all the lessons, time driving to and from, our financial investment all worth while....

Lindsay as been accepted into

Colorado's All State Band. 

She is one out of one hundred and nine students who have been selected, representing one out of forty-eight schools.  She is also the first all-state musician in Mead High's school history.

Yep...we are very proud! 


Way, to go Lindsay.  This is just the beginning of much more to come!

Another Christmas behind us...

Our oldest counts the days down until Christmas, starting the day after Christmas and listens to Christmas music through out the year.  Odd...perhaps, but I confess I remember doing the same thing when I was a teenager. 

Christmas is an event we hold dear to our hearts.  It's not about the fun of presents, but I think it is safe to say that we all look forward to seeing what is wrapped under the tree.  We look forward to my parents visit, as we don't get to see them enough.  We look forward to extra family time together.  But most of all, we look to take something new about Jesus away with us.  Christmas is full of anticipation.

This year, being the timing of Christmas and New Years and the trees we had up were so dead, we needed to take the decorations down earlier than normal.  I've felt shorted - even though my house is clear and clean.  But one thing I have noticed is that I haven't put my Christmas music away yet.  I'm still listening, still celebrating and still worshipping the greatest gift ever given.  I also notice our blog remains in the Christmas attire. 

My heart is too moved this year with the celebration of my Emmanuel.  I'm not ready to put those last few things away.  So perhaps I'm going back to my teenage years, or letting my oldest lead me ... I may just be listening to the sound of Christmas all year round. 

And just in case you are wondering ...

there are 351 days until Christmas! 

The girls with Nana and Grandpa...an awesome time we all had!

Duane opening his present from all his girls.  A Hawaiian style Dodgers shirt, with baseball buttons!

Our little chef, equipped with a dog apron and a dog treat recipe book.  Judah is so happy!

Katie surprised and happy to see her Uggs that Nana got for her. (We haven't seen her feet since!)

Lindsay with her new coat she never thought she'd find.

For Christmas this year, we took my parents to the mountain for a sleigh ride.  It was a beautiful day!

It didn't take long before my mom was in the driver's seat!

And a sleigh ride equipped with roasting marshmallows and hot chocolate!  It can't get any better!

Jesus 90 Days with the One and Only

My quiet times are just that quiet and mine.  I share with you somethings that God reveals during these times, but for the most time I keep these times to myself.

I am in a woman's Bible study at our church, and during the crazy Christmas season we usually take a month long break...closer to a month and a half this year.  We also take a break during the summer months.  I understand these breaks, as it is hard to commit when family vacations, traditions, visitors and the holiday themselves interrupt.  However, I don't like taking a break.  But this year was different ...

This year I decided it wasn't up for our church to feed me...help me, perhaps.  But they aren't to spoon feed me at all.  I was hungry for more...who said that it had to be through someone or something else?  So I pulled a book off the shelf that I have been looking for the right time to do and pulled it into my quiet time.

I highly encourage Jesus 90 Days with the One and Only.  Perhaps it even helps that our sermon series for the past few months has been on Jesus and this just intensifies what I am reading, or that the timing of  when I picked up this book was during Advent when we focused on the Baby born in the manger, which is where the devotions begin.  Beth Moore is the author.  And I know that she speaks so well to us women, but this book I recommend for you men too.  Don't have time?  It has taken me 15-20 minutes each morning...and it is the best part of my day!

Two days ago, I was reading my devotion and seeing the answers to her questions I had written.  That day was focused on Luke 5:1-11.  Beth had a different take on this passage then I have heard in past.  One of the questions she posed was "Think about the subtle differences between working "for" Jesus and working "with" Him.  What does working "with" Jesus look like in real life?

Hmmm, it got me thinking and questioning what I do and when I do them.  Do I do them "for" Him or "with" Him?  Beth's points were

1. Christ knows more about our jobs than we do.
2. Christ honors our submission even when our only motivation is obedience.
3. The same job subjected to Christ's authority can yield entirely different results.
4. Christ's willingness to empower us can overwhelm us.

Maybe it is because it is a New Year.  I don't think about resolutions, but anticipate what is going to come in the New Year.  And God has shown me there are some things that needed to be changed back in our home to bring peace. 

Yesterday the girls went back to school.  I went back to making the girls their breakfasts and lunches.  I also went back to praying over them at the breakfast table.  And let's not forget...the first day back of home schooling Courtney.  I also longed to keep my quiet times, as I feel so much stronger with them. 

Before my foot hit the floor, I prayed that Jesus would be "with" me, and we could get the responsibilities of the household done together.  And do you know what I experienced? 

My girls starting their days with a calmness they haven't experienced in quite some time. 

A unity that brought everyone together.

A hunger to continue to read the Bible in my quiet time, even though the clock kept ticking away reminding me that there was a lot to do.

I found more time in the day than I ever had before.

I found a new appreciation as the girls have for me as I brought our old ways back.

I have found peace. 

The girls felt encouraged and loved.

So I encourage you today...are you allowing Jesus to work "with" you, or are you simply working "for" Him?  The load is much lighter with His help.  And the amazing thing of it all is...He can do it all by Himself, but chooses for us to take the journey with Him!

And today ... I get to share with you, because my day's responsibilities have been done.  Thank you Jesus, lets do this again tomorrow!

From Our House to Yours

We wish you a very Merry Christmas!

May the Prince of Peace fill your lives!

Delayed Beginning

We have been hussling.  Being that Duane and I are both throwers and don't like to keep anything that we know we aren't going to be using, we wonder how we have a daughter that keeps everything!  It also happens to be the daughter that will be sharing her room with two other girls.  Needless to say, we have been doing a LOT of throwing out and have filled the garbage.  May I also add that she isn't my most organized child, and puts anything anywhere ... surprised to say, it has taken me four full days to go through her room!

My parents are coming next week too.  We are always excited this time of year, for it is the time they come here and we get them all to ourselves.  But my house is totally not ready!

My carpets are going to be cleaned on Friday...a totally welcomed gift!  But may I remind you of all that needs to be done, in order for that cleaning?  I think I have decided to take everything out of my one daugher's room because of the lack of cleanliness.

We received a call yesterday that it looks like our new additions will not be joining us for Christmas.  We are a bit sad, because everyone should be home for Christmas.  However, when I see all the details I would like done before a new chaos enters our home this is a welcomed gift.

It appears we need to take a class, have first-aid and CPR, and get more fingerprints done ... then they can come.  So in the midst of craziness in our home, we have more to do to bring these kids in.  And we will do it, because God is our strength.

Puerto Rico Trip

Love His Children

I confess I'm a detailed person, and I guard my heart like most.  When I do completely surrender everything to God I find a new enjoyment in life.  BUT there always seems to be some point I start asking questions through a panic state and then try to work out the details.

I'm at that point.

What I didn't mention yesterday was the time table of everything.  I'm on vacation for a week.  I will also only have one week to get ready:  organizing rooms, setting up beds and Christmas shop.  It can be done - but it's going to take a lot of effort.

During my time of preparing, planning and working out details, I heard my doubt question "What if this doesn't work out, and these kids don't stay?".

First, I remembered sitting in my pastor's office seeking his counsel.  His advise for me was to learn to recognize this voice and cast it off.  So that is what I did.  And then I turned that very question back to God.

You know what He told me?  "To love His children and He'll take care of the details."  

So that is what I'll do.  I don't know the outcome, and I don't know what the details look like but I do know that I can love as He continues to love me.

When I vision these new additions in our home ... I know that our schedules will be more than full, the dinner table will be full, the house will be full and the car will be at it's maximum capacity ... and our hearts will be overfilled with love.  We look forward to following this adventure we are on.