More tears today as we said good-bye to our new Australian friends. Friends who have been full of joy, silly, full of excitement and a heart full for God. They have made my heart so much lighter.
Today was the day I had been looking for. We had a quiet morning, but I was also finally able to get everything I had been feeling and pondering out in the open, for a good friend of mine gave me her listening ear. I find I need to verbalize my thoughts to process them or I forget everything my mind is carrying. As I expressed my fears, my thoughts I felt more relieved, more secure as she reminded me of how it is all God's timing how this trip is revealed and used for each of us. For me, perhaps it isn't until I get home and process it all. I I needed to hear what was said. My fear all along has been missing what God is trying to teach me, and now I hope the fear of this hasn't claimed the trip. But I am reminded that God can and will use all things for His glory!
But I soon discovered - today was my day. From the moment I got on the bus to the moment I went to bed. As I got onto the bus I was able to talk to God - without any interruption, it was just Him and me. My heart revealed praise and confession to Him throughout out trip to the baby's home. I have been taking a stand that I don't notice the skin color and am not a racist. However when I see white people I experience disappointment. I have been treated as royalty and "rich", and perhaps even took that role on. I have been in situations where I was uncomfortable because of me being white. As I confessed this to God, I developed more of a yearning to be more like Him. He sees no black, white, nor color of any kind. He doesn't believe the myths or lies that He hears and casts no judgement of any kind. What an awesome God I serve! Today was a whole new day!
A few of us headed to the baby's home. this is why I came - not to shop, or even go on a safari, but to help the lives of orphans, but even more to help and encourage those who are already serving. At the time we arrived the olde
r babies were finishing eating their lunch, outside. We helped them with their last bites, and tried not to get the messy hands and spills on us - but soon it just didn't matter. The caregiver could tell the task was to an end and called out "bathroom" and then these 1-2 year olds got up and went to the bathroom! I couldn't believe what I was seeing! These little babies doing what our 3 year olds at home do. When they entered the bathroom we took their diapers and clothes off and they were put on their potty chairs. (You have to remember the earlier the child is potty trained - the more money the home saves on diapers.) We then bathed them, diapered and dressed them and then carried them to their bed. I was simply amazed of how they knew their routine - how when they were put in their bed, they lied down, mostly with no fuss, and fell asleep.
While th
e babies were sleeping we went out to see what help we could be in the laundry area, as the workers were getting their breaks and lunch. Laundry, as any mother knows, is a never ending job - now multiply it by 60! The baby's home is blessed to have three washers and three dryers (which are always going), and not having to do all this by hand. I felt I was in my element and it was then I started missing my family more. I came to help and encourage and through this task of laundry I was able. I thanked the workers for doing their jobs, taking care of these babies and asked God's blessing upon them. The younger babies awoke, we then helped more with feeding until it was time to leave.
We had a privilege today to attend a "Daughters of Destiny" conference at KPC. Through the guest speaker, (Pastor Bobbie Houston from Hillsong church) I heard again how the devil "comes in as a thief to kill and destroy." This is the second time I have heard this this week and can't help but know God is trying to remind me of this. Pastor Bobbie also mentioned the parable of the sower and his seeds (Matthew 13:1-9). Through her message I had a deeper wanted to be the good soil, I also want to give 100% in all areas of my life God calls me to. I made a choice tonight, to not let the hardships, the hurts and anguish I have claim me. I let them all go, laid it at the cross and am planning to leave it there. I feel so much lighter and free!
Today was the day I had been looking for. We had a quiet morning, but I was also finally able to get everything I had been feeling and pondering out in the open, for a good friend of mine gave me her listening ear. I find I need to verbalize my thoughts to process them or I forget everything my mind is carrying. As I expressed my fears, my thoughts I felt more relieved, more secure as she reminded me of how it is all God's timing how this trip is revealed and used for each of us. For me, perhaps it isn't until I get home and process it all. I I needed to hear what was said. My fear all along has been missing what God is trying to teach me, and now I hope the fear of this hasn't claimed the trip. But I am reminded that God can and will use all things for His glory!
But I soon discovered - today was my day. From the moment I got on the bus to the moment I went to bed. As I got onto the bus I was able to talk to God - without any interruption, it was just Him and me. My heart revealed praise and confession to Him throughout out trip to the baby's home. I have been taking a stand that I don't notice the skin color and am not a racist. However when I see white people I experience disappointment. I have been treated as royalty and "rich", and perhaps even took that role on. I have been in situations where I was uncomfortable because of me being white. As I confessed this to God, I developed more of a yearning to be more like Him. He sees no black, white, nor color of any kind. He doesn't believe the myths or lies that He hears and casts no judgement of any kind. What an awesome God I serve! Today was a whole new day!
A few of us headed to the baby's home. this is why I came - not to shop, or even go on a safari, but to help the lives of orphans, but even more to help and encourage those who are already serving. At the time we arrived the olde
r babies were finishing eating their lunch, outside. We helped them with their last bites, and tried not to get the messy hands and spills on us - but soon it just didn't matter. The caregiver could tell the task was to an end and called out "bathroom" and then these 1-2 year olds got up and went to the bathroom! I couldn't believe what I was seeing! These little babies doing what our 3 year olds at home do. When they entered the bathroom we took their diapers and clothes off and they were put on their potty chairs. (You have to remember the earlier the child is potty trained - the more money the home saves on diapers.) We then bathed them, diapered and dressed them and then carried them to their bed. I was simply amazed of how they knew their routine - how when they were put in their bed, they lied down, mostly with no fuss, and fell asleep. While th
e babies were sleeping we went out to see what help we could be in the laundry area, as the workers were getting their breaks and lunch. Laundry, as any mother knows, is a never ending job - now multiply it by 60! The baby's home is blessed to have three washers and three dryers (which are always going), and not having to do all this by hand. I felt I was in my element and it was then I started missing my family more. I came to help and encourage and through this task of laundry I was able. I thanked the workers for doing their jobs, taking care of these babies and asked God's blessing upon them. The younger babies awoke, we then helped more with feeding until it was time to leave.We had a privilege today to attend a "Daughters of Destiny" conference at KPC. Through the guest speaker, (Pastor Bobbie Houston from Hillsong church) I heard again how the devil "comes in as a thief to kill and destroy." This is the second time I have heard this this week and can't help but know God is trying to remind me of this. Pastor Bobbie also mentioned the parable of the sower and his seeds (Matthew 13:1-9). Through her message I had a deeper wanted to be the good soil, I also want to give 100% in all areas of my life God calls me to. I made a choice tonight, to not let the hardships, the hurts and anguish I have claim me. I let them all go, laid it at the cross and am planning to leave it there. I feel so much lighter and free!
During Daughters of Destiny, KPC's ministry - Living Hope (reaching people who are living with AIDS and help them experience the grace and and mercy of Jesus) really spoke to me. While we have been in Kampala we have celebrated World AIDS Day, and AIDS has been mentioned throughout the trip. I finally confess I have tried to ignore this disease and perhaps even deny it. Now God has put me right in the middle of it, and has showed me that He is in the center of it. I confess I have judged those who carry this disease as their own sin that has caused it, this is the consequence of the life they chose. I am wrong. Yes some this is the case, but others receive this disease from their husbands who bring it home, some are born with it. God extends His mercy, grace and love to ALL - why haven't I given the same to these who are in desperate need of it? I can't be in denial, judgement over this disease any more, and I can't be fearful of it either. God calls us to be compassionate, so compassionate I will be.
So today I gave a gift. We were all asked to bring gifts for woman who are infected with AIDS. I didn't have anything to offer nor did I know what to bring. But for the first time in my life I gave a gift that offered hope for a woman who is full of fear and worry and feeling hopeless. However, I confess I didn't give it wholeheartedly at first. I gave a gift that I was so proud of, something I spent much time over so I could have just the right gift, something I got that was just the right size for traveling, something I was soon to learn I hold for granted - my Bible. I put the bookmark in my favorite passage - Psalm 139. It wasn't until I heard the testimonies of a women with AIDS, as they shared their fears, worries, hopelessness, and anguish that I realized I was giving a gift that shares the hope they need to be reminded of. They need to be reminded God will never leave them nor forsake them, that He has a plan of future and hope. It was after I heard these testimonies my heart let go of the Bible and I prayed it would go into the hands that needed it most and bring her hope. God gave us such a precious gift, one I have taken for granted, and one that holds so many promises for us all and so much hope. I'm so sorry God! I continue to pray over the one that holds this gift, that through God's words she will be healed and know how beautiful she is.
I confess I haven't been exactly excited to go home. Don't take me wrong. I would love to see my family but I have truly enjoyed my stay here. For the first time in my life I felt as if I was home. But after this day I know it is time for me to go home and now I am ready. I did what I came to do and learned what I have come to learn. I pray and pray Uganda isn't just a memory but a new adventure I experience every year, a place that will remain my "home", and a place I can come and serve, and something I can take back home with me. I have learned a missionary isn't one to go out and change the world but to serve, encourage and help. Through this it is the missionary that changes, that is served and encouraged.
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